My birthday is on the 21st. Last year my husband forgot all about it and it is looking like he will again. I refuse to remind him. I feel like I should be important enough to him that he should remember this. I've never forgotten his. (Aug.23) I always throw him a party and get him something nice. Growing up I never had a birthday gift or party because my b-day was to close to Christmas. I've told him in the past that I wish he would throw me one (I don't feel right throwing my on party) but he always shuged it off so I just stopped reminding him it was even close to my b-day. Truthfully I don't even care if I get anything(we don't have the money this year anyway), I just want to know he remembered........No smart aleck replies please.
2006-12-15 06:23:23 · 29 answers · asked by Bekka 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I truly love my husband with all my heart. When he doesn't remember things that are important to me does it mean he doesn't really care for me as much as I care for him?
2006-12-15 06:30:26 · update #1
I'm sorry. I know how much that hurts. My ex-husband never ever got me anything for my birthday in 18 years and usually didn't even remember. He didn't remember me on Christmas, Valentines day, mother's day, etc. either. I used to pout and cry and be really upset for weeks before (because I knew he wouldn't do anything) and for some time after. His rationale was that if I wanted something, I should just go out and get it. Once he bought me a string of pearls for Christmas and I was so delighted - until I found out later that he had been having an affair and it was because he felt guilty. I used to tell him to at least get me a card or do something inexpensive if he was worried about money, but he never did. We ended up divorced.
I had my birthday over the summer with my new guy and he had a party for me with lots of presents, etc.. I'm so looking forward to what he'll do for Christmas!
Your husband is a lout for not doing something for your birthday. If I were you, I'd put my foot down and tell him that that's unacceptable. If that doesn't work, you're going to have to make a decision on whether you can deal with it or not, because it's a hard thing to bear over the years. It really does show thoughtlessness and makes you feel so unimportant and unloved.
PS - Happy early birthday!
2006-12-15 06:37:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband forgets my birthday...he'll say happy birthday but have nothing bought or done. He's the same with other holidays and the truth is so is his mother. She'll be wrapping xmas gifts until 3 in the morning to be opened at 5... I wouldn't bother.
Here's how I deal with it (right or wrong I don't know).
First, I make a big deal out of my birthday and he is more than willing to go along with it. Also takes a lot of pressure off him (cause he is never sure what to do and that's why I think h e procrastinates SO BAD). I tell him what I want exactly (sometimes I am being unrealistic too,,,, its good when I hear it out loud).
Second, I had someone ask me if he ever buys me gifts or what does he share with me? do I appreciate those? I had a speech one time as part of my job in a big university. I was responsible for bringing 6 video tapes. I kept saying with all the other things I had going on I knew I was going to forget those tapes. I must have said it 25 times the week before the event. On the big day I was in a flury of nerves and activity. Of course, I forget the damm tapes. I couldn't find anyone from my department and was pressed for time so I decided to run to my car and get them myself from the local store....when I got to the car I found a note, a balloon and a ribbon tied around six video tapes. All the note said was good luck. Love, Me. (That's another thing his longest love letter is like 8 words lol but that's another post!).
My birthday was only a few weeks later...in the morning he asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday... I realized he just never had anyone make a big deal out of it for him...and women are just wired differently... counting and dealines and important dates become ingrained in us because we carry the babies! I know its a sterotype but most guy things just don't work that way... you can cut the grass, change the oil, pay a bill, visit a friend, schedule a meeting for just about any time and it can even wait a week without it being a big deal... but a crying baby needs love and attention now. We are the nurturers they are leaders. Only you can decide if he is an inconsiderate oaf or that loveable, albeit forgetful warrior you married.
2006-12-15 06:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have never forgotten my wife's b-day, but in truth we have both forgotten our anniversary.
You know what, It is just a day. I don't mean this bad, I just think that in todays world there is so many things going on in everyones life that its hard to always sift through all the stress to remember all the things people should.Look at life for more of the reality of things.Does he say he loves you? does he give you hugs and affection enough? If he does, isn't that better than someone remembering the day you came into this world?
As far as parties go as an adult. I think those should be for certain years of your life.Like your 21st and your 40th.
B-day parties are otherwise something for kids.
2006-12-15 06:32:55 · answer #3 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite a large percent. Most men's brains just dont work that way. Hence you drop large hints. Leave a note in the lunchbox 'dont forget my birthday or I will hurt you' - that kind of thing. Write it in red on the kitchen calendar. Start dropping hints about perfume, chocolates jewellery and flowers a week before the due date. If you dont and you dont get anything - you cannot complain. You have to be pro-active not reactive with the little darlings!
2016-05-22 21:30:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgetting your birthday cannot be justified. He should remember your birthday as well as your anniversary. I do think that if the money is not available for gifts then something as simple as a card should be considered.
He could write a little note in it telling you how much you mean to him. Just think the expense of a pack of cigarettes could make you feel loved.
2006-12-15 10:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by supressdesires 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK lets reverse it, I have never forgotten my wifes, last year, she forgot mine, hell so did my kids. I went the entire day without so much as a happy birthday. At 10:00 at night, it dawned on her,she said happy birthday and begged for forgiveness, I said thank you, dont worry about it, rolled over and went to sleep. I was hurt but the guilt her and the kids felt was pretty bad (the kids obviously didnt know because mommy forgot, hence forgot to tell them, they are young) I didnt try to make her feel guilty, I played no games, just acted like it was a normal day. I am an adult and realize things happen.
2006-12-15 06:31:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was smart he would get out your driver lisence while you were in the shower and look at it....but it seems so much more deeper then remembering a birthday. This is just my opinion, but it seems to me like he doesnt care nor put any effort into yuor birthday. If I were you I'd give him a taste of his own medican, dont even think about his birthday next time it comes around, then see his reaction......If it's how could you forget....tell him "How do you think I feel"????
Good luck and sorry if I didnt help....
2006-12-15 06:40:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend forgot my birthday last year and the worse part of it that I had reminded him of it the day before. He doesnt remember because its not such a big deal to him. I would not do such a hoop la for him next year and see how he likes it. Also take the time to let him know how this is affecting you so that he can realize it is a big deal.
2006-12-15 06:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by ycantusee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't remind him. If he forgets, wait until the day after your birthday and tell him that some of your friends are taking you out for lunch to celebrate your birthday. When he says, oh, "Happy Birthday", tell him it was yesterday, but your friends scheduled the lunch for the day after your birthday, just in case your husband was planning something special on the day of your birthday.
The look on his face will be present enough!!
2006-12-15 06:33:16 · answer #9 · answered by RockC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is way too self-centred if he can't remember your birthday...especially if he doesn't have some excuse like he's working on some major project at work and it's obviously occupying his mind even when it comes to other things! If he can remember when his favourite team is playing football even when he's got this distraction, then he should at least be able to remember your birthday!
2006-12-15 06:29:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋