I got engaged a year ago. Overall, we have a good relationship. But half a year into our dating, I stumbled across some e-mails he exchanged with his ex(es). Things like I dreamed about you etc. We talked and he said he wouldn't do it anymore. Less than 2 months into our engagement, I found out one of his ex e-mailed him and said did you forget about me, which he replied I'll never forget about you, and signed hugs and kisses. We talked again and he announce to her our engagement afterwards. Recently, another of his ex wrote to him saying how good their sex was and how she missed him, and she broke up with hers, asked if he would meet her. They live 5 hours apart and she suggested meeting halfway. He replied maybe. I was deeply saddened seeing the e-mail and told him so. He said they were only going to talk. He then wrote back to her said he wouldn't meet her. She wrote back really pissy. I know I shouldn't look into his e-mails but I don't trust him. Was I wrong? What should I do?
2006-12-15 06:20:55 · 40 answers · asked by want to know 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he wanted to spend the rest of his life with YOU..... the other girls would be NOWHERE in his mind (or in his emails mind you) because he wouldn't even respond to their emails. You really need to sit down and talk to him... let him know where you're coming from and that you feel you can't trust him at all. I would even make a point of saying that marriages depend on trust and if you can't trust him you can't marry him. Good luck. My advice would be to leave him, I know it may be hard but if you really meant the world to him it would've ended the first time.. there should've never been repeat offenses. You have to be strong for yourself... and be good to yourself. <3
2006-12-15 06:24:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take this as a sign that he is not fully committed to you. He may not be involved with her to the degree he was, but he is putting words, thoughts and feelings out there that should be for the person he is committed to and so sorry to say it doesn't sound like it is you at this point. He obviously doesn't recall the reason they are not together anymore, sometimes the bad things are difficult to remember and the good things are what you think of all the time. If he found an email you wrote to someone using some of the same words he uses with her, would he feel the same as you? or would he not care?
Choose wisely! Make a good choice for a partner. If he can't put you first in words, thoughts and feelings encourage him to be with the person that he cares that much about, you will be chasing a good relationship with him forever and may not get it.
Good luck
2006-12-15 06:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by kpd2020 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know your confused and don't know what to do, but you know the answer. Your fiancee wants to have his cake and eat it too. That's not fair to you at all! You can't have two women and give high hopes to them. Your just not his gf your his fiancee for crying sakes. If he does this to you now...what can you expect later?! He's still not over his ex and his stupid ex is certainly not over him either. But you really can't blame his ex or any other girl, but him because he's hurting you. The only reason he told his ex he wasn't going to go see her half way is because you caught him. You know why they were going to meet up right?...they were planning to have sex. What about the next time? You can live your whole life being a private investigator, a relationship is based on trust and he broke and threw in the trash a long time ago. The truth is you can teach an old dog new tricks, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's being careful this time to hide his tracks. Maybe its time for you to leave this guy before he does more damage. The truth is the damage is done he's gone way too far! I'm sure you'll find somebody who you can trust and doesn't have ex drama or is cheating on you. You don't need that honey...
2006-12-15 06:49:30 · answer #3 · answered by ♪♫♫♪ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will say it again, where there is no trust there is no relationship. He is a player. He isn't ready to settle down and start a life with you...and you are naive if you think he will change.. because he wont. Move on and find a man who will love only you. It was a good thing that you did a little detective work because later down the road things would have gotten pretty rocky. And you would of ended up getting hurt. break off your engagement you deserve so much better.
2006-12-15 06:37:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't wrong and if he had any respect for you then he would announce the engagement first thing in the reply or not even reply at all. I would seriously keep an eye out and sit him down and explain how much loyalty means to you and if he ever breaks that then you are gone. This could create trust issues too and a marriage is built on trust... think about it.
2006-12-15 06:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have anwsered your own question, However if he really loved you he would stop. You could suggest he delete his email address and sign up into a new one. And make sure he dumps all the ex's email address. Seek counseling together to first if you do decide to stay that way you get everything out in the open,. Cause soon he is gonna get pissy that your checking up on him and I'm sure he nor you wants to always be haiving a fight about trust and privacy. I hope you two can work it out and be able to trust each other full and with out doubts. Good luck in the decision you make.
2006-12-15 09:39:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay this doesn't look like it is heading down a great road to start with.....if you are planning getting married soon you might want to postpone the marriage for a year or however long. He does not seem true to you at all and why is he still talking to any of his ex's? I would give him an ultimatum of never speaking with these girls again. If you find out he has still been talking to them I would cut him loose. Y'all really need to talk though to see what page each other is on....maybe he isn't quite ready for marriage yet.
2006-12-15 06:25:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both better work on the trust issue before you get married. His track record so far is not good. You would be wife #3 and #1 and #2 are still in contact with him. He replied maybe.. not no, saying we were only going to talk.. Ya Right! Use the phone for that.
2006-12-15 06:24:22 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should respect and love you enough to not even think of or care about those other girls. The fact that he said he might go meet her in his email is a sign that he is not sure waht he really wants or just plain and simple not ready to get married. I would think about it long and hard, don't get married because you feel you have to or because you've been together for a long time. Would you meet with your ex? probably not if you're really happy with the person you're with, right? I think you know the answer to your own question, follow your intuition.
2006-12-15 06:39:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should break up with him. Think about things? Have you guys set a date for your wedding? You've been engaged for over a year. If he was willing to e-mail these girls less than 2 months after you got engaged what do you think it would be like when you get married. You sound like a sweet girl, you deserve better than that don't ever let anyone walk all over you like that.
2006-12-15 06:25:25 · answer #10 · answered by Elle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋