Clarification of previous question - I was a virgin before her?

Question

33, together with wife (32) for 11 years, married 7.
She had an adventurous sexual past prior to me, including threesomes and foursomes. I have no problem with her past at all.
I was a virgin before her though, and now I am so overwhelmed with the urge to have sex with other women that it is driving me nuts. I have NEVER cheated on her at all. However, it is making it difficult for me to even function anymore.
My wife and I have a very active sex life (with eachother).
I started seeing a therapist about this in October and I told my wife why.
In August she suggested that we find a girl to have a threesome with. I thought she was kidding - now I find out she wasn't, but has changed her mind. She refuses to talk about this on any serious level for a MINIMUM of three years, she says (until the kids are a little older).
I feel awful for wanting this but I don't know what to do. Therapy is not helping (yet?). I LOVE my wife but I am aching all day every day over this.
What now??

Just to add - she LOVES the threesome or swinger fantasy and has told me she might want to do it someday. Someday being many years - it might as well be a century. She talks about it in fantasy all the time but it is feeding this.
I am NOT going to cheat on her. I couldn't live with myself.
BUT I either have to get used to the idea that it's not going to happen or she'll have to move things along a little. We can't sit in the middle like this.

Answer 1

You got married too young. You should have gotten this out of your system before you got married. It's your fault. You deal with it.

Bringing another person into a marriage is just plain bad news. It can only end in divorce, any which way you look at it. It might make your wife jealous and prompt her to leave you. What if the extra woman performed better than you? Maybe your wife will leave you for her. What if the extra woman was better than your wife? You will probably leave your wife for her. Get the picture?

In essence, you screwed up really bad 11 years ago. You should face the consequences of your action and take responsibility for it for the rest of your life. Buck up. Be a man. Take responsibility.

Answer 2

Most of us do "stuff" when we are younger that we typically would not do at a later age. And there are some "stuff" that we do as we get older that we would not do when we were younger.
I was very old fashioned as a teenager and oral sex was out of the question. I thought 3 and foursomes were the same as cheating. I am 43 now and think "outside the box" when it comes to oral sex. The 3 and 4some is a very popular thing now. Lots of swingers and adults interacting with each others husbands and wives. My husband says that pretty much all men
seem to want a 3 some or really enjoy watching 2 women together. I love my husband more than I have ever loved anyone.
I would give him the moon if I could reach it. I have tried numerous times to mentally prepare myself to have a 3-some with my husband and a younger female. I am all okay with it being a one time experience. But..it's not happening. I dont want to open ANY door that may cause hurt, mistrust or any distruction to my marriage later on. I know that I will later on feel like he cheated on me. Even if I am okay with it at the time. I can't explain why. I just know that I will. We had friends that was into the swinging for just a one time experience. They are divorced now and 3 kids are suffering the consequences of their experiment. The wife felt like she had been cheated on.
So maybe you should continue with the therapist.
Oh yeah...my husband told me to not mention a 3-some to him unless I was willing to go thru with it, because it only causes him to to start thinking and wanting it again. If I dont bring it up.....he doesnt think about it much.

Answer 3

Dud you are ok, and normal. You and your wife will work things out. Just think in your mind that it will never happen this will answer it for you since it could be years just assume it won't that will get rid of your questioning.

As for the thinking of having an affair that will pass and is normal. Keep it in fantacy and definately do not engage in any threesomes untill that feeling has passed.

Get some porn get someone to baby sit the kids and you and your wife watch it together.

You were a virgin when you got married and you nad your wife have obviously great sex and you mind is naturally curious if it'll be just as good with anyone else.

IT WON"T your wife and your love for each other makes the sex so great to have sex with anyone else may feel just as physically good but it will be emotionally lacking.

Answer 4

First of all, congrats on being able to recognize your fantasy, and being able to talk about this with your wife. However, now it is time to take it a step further. Why is it you want to have a threesome or with someone else besides you wife? Introspection and an answer to this question will go a long way. Is it because you feel inadequate compared to your wifes history? What are your expecatations, realistically, of what it will be like? Talk to your therapist and your wife about this, and seek couples counseling together. The more you discuss this and are open, the easier it will be. In the mean time, try changing things up in the bedroom. Role playing or costumes can be a safe avenue of exploration for the two of you. It will satisfy the craving of novelty and newness for you, while making a deeper bond with your wife on a level that is safe and comfortable for her. Just be patient and keep the lines of communication open, and continue to value yourself as well as your wife and relationship, and you will be fine. Good luck.

Answer 5

Patience, Grasshopper!

Relax, take a deep breath, and occupy yourself with something else for a while. Your wife's reason (wanting the kids to be a little older) is very reasonable. The best threesomes last longer than you'd want to pay a babysitter for an infant.

Try to set a tentative date with her. Set it for a few years out, to satisfy her, but set a definite date. Your birthday weekend of 2009 could be a good date, but check your calendar. This way you can count down and know for sure it's coming, but she's satisfied with the time it's coming. In the mean time, you can focus on satisfying her, since she's going to do this for you on the day.

Answer 6

this is the same reason why relationships from high school never work out. because people are not sexually mature, as your problem. you have never had sex with anyone but her and you want to know what it feels like to have sex with other women, and that is normal. i don't know what you can do other than continue to go to counseling or wait for her to decide when she wants to have a threesome.

Answer 7

Yes, I'm good conscious of this. To me, the virgin start tale is a metaphor. It isn't a ancient fact. Mary used to be now not a virgin whilst she had Jesus. That's my perception - and it is headquartered on, amongst different matters, the truth that the earliest Christian writings (adding biographies of Jesus, corresponding to Mark), recognize not anything of a virgin start. Had Jesus real been born of a virgin, you might suppose that they might point out that. You can close to hint the growth of the virgin start tale as you learn via the Christian writings in chronological order. The tale is going from non-existant, to increasingly complicated. Back then, biographies weren't the equal as biographies at present. They didn't even search to be traditionally flawlessly correct. They rather sought to color a photo of the man or woman of the individual being written approximately. They used many tactics to exhibit you what that individual used to be like, how the individual might have most probably reacted to detailed instances, what the individual supposed and method to the neighborhood, and many others. In order to color this portrait, it used to be traditional for the biographer to make up a tale that might exhibit you the way he regarded the discipline, and the way he feels the discipline have to be regarded by means of others. So the virgin start tale tells you anything approximately Jesus - even supposing it's not traditionally correct. It tells you that - no less than within the brain of the biographers who wrote this - that Jesus is rather one other person than the leisure people. He is simplest partially "of this international." He is "from above." His nature, in different phrases, is to be curious about heavenly matters, now not transitority, fabric, earthly matters. The virgin start tale has been utilized in many cultures on this equal manner. It used to be a identified fable, that, in view that it used to be so famous, used to be priceless. It's like how at present, we are saying "So-and-so walks on water." Because the tale of Jesus jogging on water is so famous, we will be able to use this word to explain any one who we suppose can do approximately whatever. No elaboration is wanted, in view that every body is aware of what that word method. And so with the virgin start, humans again then (and now) recognize what it method to mention any one used to be born of a virgin. It signifies that individual is distinct, superhuman, any one with a specific reason and venture that's divine in nature.

Answer 8

Have her dress up with wig and all to give you the idea that you are with someone else. Or wait til the kids are older and give it a try.

Answer 9

Enjoy the fantasy, but don't let it manifest.

Answer 10

close your eyes,, tell her to buy a wig, there are ways to think your are screwing some one else,