my husband had an affair about 3 years ago but i just found out last week. it totally tore me up. i told him i was leaving after christmas.(we have kids so im doing this for them). he's begging me to stay and swearing it hasnt happened since then and that he feels terrible about it and regrets it. i hope he does! anyway, im really confused about what to do. i keep telling myself that this happened along time ago but i keep thinking how he hid this secret from me. this is a hard thing to deal with because we have kids together and hes a good provider. im afraid i cant make it on my own. i guess im just looking for some advice on what to do. any one got any?
2006-12-15 05:15:31 · 13 answers · asked by pussycat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im sorry, i meant i was staying until after christmas for the kids. i didnt mean i was leaving him for the sake of the kids.
2006-12-15 05:29:54 · update #1
What u should think of is yeah it was 3 years ago but thats not the point... The point is he kept it from u for a long time... Who knows what else he has done behind your back since u all been together? If i was in that situation I would leave even know it was 3 years ago... But u also don't know the whole truth... He still might be doing it... if u stay with him then he's just gonna think he can do it again & get away with it once again... If u think that u can't make it on u'r own then, Do u have family that would help u out? Hope this helps...
2006-12-15 05:26:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jenn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think breaking up the family isn't "for the kids"- it's for you. You should consider marital counseling to work through this. You're right to be upset and hurt, and you're even right to want to leave- but please get counseling and see if you can work through it. Don't force the kids to suffer because of a horrible mistake he made. It is hard to deal with, that's why you need professional guidance.
An affair doesn’t have to signify the end of a relationship. In fact in some cases, if both partners are willing to work hard, an affair can bring problems that were lurking in the depths of the relationship up to the surface for the purpose of healing. Just consider how the kids will suffer before you make any decisions.
2006-12-15 05:25:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband cheated on me last year this time and I caught him and I was going to leave him but I start thinking about my kids and how it would effect them. So I end up staying though I think about why I am still hear day after day because I don't trust him and I find myself very distant from him. They always swear that it won' t happen again and they feel so bad but do they how many times did it really take to make him feel bad after the fact. If you stay make sure you doing it for you and not the kids because you are the one taking care of them and I feel if they loved us they would have never dealt with another woman.
2006-12-15 05:35:44 · answer #3 · answered by COFEECREEM 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The question is 'Will you be able to forgive him?' Even if he's on his best behavior for the rest of the marriage, will you be able to deal with the past so that it does not cause distress in the marriage? That's a tough one. At some point you will have to trust him again. A marriage without trust is doomed. If he is worth it, and you know the marriage is worth fighting for, then go to counseling. Unfortunately, much of the weight is on your shoulders, as you are the one that has to forgive, but he has to be willing to do his part too!
What a horrible time of the year to find out such news! And yes, you can make it on your own if that's what it comes to. I believe in you :)
2006-12-15 05:41:10 · answer #4 · answered by myteemo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you husband really loves you, then the guilt has been eating him to the bone ever since he did it. Did you find out about the affair all by yourself or did he confess it. If he confessed it, then he knew that would risk losing you, but he felt he owed you by coming clean about it, no matter what price he might have to pay. Yes, it is wrong for him to hide that for so long. But there can be trust again. I'm all for the family, and would encourage you to hang in there if you can, and if he really loves you.
I can relate because my wife cheated on me. And it killed me for about 6 months, but I stayed with her because our marriage was worth more than throwing in the towel. I would encourge you to try and work it out. If you left him, it might hit you down the road as the worst decision of your life.
2006-12-15 05:27:42 · answer #5 · answered by sickblade 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well only you can decide if you can stay and deal with it. I do think there is a difference in a one time screw up and someone who habitually cheats. I don't mean that it's EVER okay, don't get me wrong. If he made a mistake, and it has never happened again, there is at least something to work with in counseling. If he habitually lies and cheats you need to get out NOW before he gives you a disease, etc. Follow your heart and do what's best for you and you children, whatever that may be. God Bless.
2006-12-15 05:22:04 · answer #6 · answered by Stacey K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You CAN do it alone!and believe me that your kids feel when you feel sad or angry with your husband.Sometimes its better divorce(I was happy when I knew my parents will divorce because they were not happy together,my dad cried a lot and the kids doesn't like see their parents sad). YOU CAN DO IT ALONE! You should stay if you really love him and if you can forget and forgive him if not JUST GO.Don't worry, your kids can understand it.
I'm sorry..my english is not really good but I hope you understood what I meant.
Good luck
2006-12-15 05:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that question. It did happen 3 years ago but it happen he cheated on you......Do you thing you will be able to trust him again???? If you will always be wondering it may not be able to work out once the trust is gone it is so hard to get it back. Maybe try counseling that may help you.....Good luck
2006-12-15 05:23:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That depends if you can forgive or can't. There is a lot of emotion in that. Are you going to be able to be with him mentally and physically without thinking of the affair if not than leave him. This is not your fault it is his.. It will be hard at first but you will be fine in the end.
2006-12-15 05:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by 2strongfor2long 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well your husband is a liar you have to think about yourself first and you should considerd to leave him he cheated on u for 3 years??????get the divorce and ask for support for your kids...☺
2006-12-15 05:23:23 · answer #10 · answered by haki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋