Despite the fact that she has everything that she needs for her old age,she keeps complaining to people she barely knows,and she even makes up untrue stories about the people whom she lives with,just to make them hurt.She does not want to socialize,to fill her time with some activities,her only concern is to gain control of her son's life,who is a man in his early 40's. She denies any solution she is being offered to bring peace and contenment in her life,but rather keeps blaming everybody for her "miserable" existence.
2006-12-15 05:10:57 · 14 answers · asked by hedgehogers 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It sounds to me as if she's grabbing at fantasies, even very negative ones, just to have something to talk about to get attention. In fact, she sounds a lot like a little kid who gets in trouble in order to get attention.
How much time does her son spend with her, one on one? Does he take her places, shopping, restaurants, etc. where her friends can see her with him? He's probably very busy, but could he set aside time each week for a "mom date" that's special time just for her?
I don't know if that would end it, but I do think that she's crying out for attention more than anything else.
Good luck!
2006-12-15 05:29:39 · answer #1 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are miserable as a career, a lifestyle or as a personality choice - believe it or not. So long as noone is taking her all that seriously, and for as long she is not sick or in physical danger, it may be best to just leave her to own devices. If her 40-yr-old son is unable to stop trying to ease her discontent, and if he doesn't know how to even stop listening to her, then he is the one with a bigger problem. Maybe, he needs to learn how to be more self-assertive and to cut off all that toxic self-pitying.
2006-12-15 06:03:56 · answer #2 · answered by montrealissima 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my grandmother sometimes. She's depressed. She needs to be out with people. How would you like it if you had to spend time with your family and their friends all the time? Try to help her some more with socializing. She may be frightened of the prospect of meeting new people. Talk to her politely and reasonably and try to find people with similar interests. On the other hand, she may feel as if she doesn't get enough time from you. Find an activity she may like to do, and talk to her about her life. She'll open up.
2006-12-15 05:18:41 · answer #3 · answered by Tonya J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is old, she fears the loss of independence and dignity, and this makes her unpleasant. The best thing you can do for her is let her complaints roll off and humor her.
She may suffer from clinical depression. Talk to her doctoor about perscribing an anti depressant, and have it monitored by a psychiatrist to ensure it is the right one for her. Believe me, her attitude will change for the better!
2006-12-15 05:24:48 · answer #4 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change her. Ignore her and don't let her get under your skin or control you. A good way to teach anybody about trying to control is the more they try to control the more you pull back from them. But you are never going to change an old lady enough to make any real difference.
2006-12-15 05:20:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess some people are just that way. I'm like that but not so extreme. I kinda like to wallow in my misery and blame people for my unhappiness when i know that it's simply up to me to be happy if i want to. I'm under 20. If i can't and don't want to change myself knowing that i'm like that, it's gotta be difficult changing someone who's old and set in her ways.
The best i can suggest is that the son just keeps treating her as well as he can, and not keep let it weigh on his conscience.
2006-12-15 05:25:41 · answer #6 · answered by celestelauuuuu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is she to you? Your mother? Sounds a bit like mine but mine was much worse if you can imagine. Later in our lives, I stopped seeing her completely...was only going to see her for Holidays ...then even stopped the Holidays. I made a much better life for myself without her around and her ignorant mental illness. (You do know that she has a least one and maybe severalmentalillneses don't you?)
Just before my mother died, I made a kind of peace with her and that was the first time I saw her in years. She had become very pathetic and weak looking, not the powerful abusive awful person she had been to me in the past. I felt mixed emotions with her death but relief to be released from her was definitely one.
My only regret is wasting too many years with her in my life. I wish I had wizened up early and got rid of her earlier in my life. I would have learned sooner how to live a happy life.
Thought I'd pass that one on to you.
2006-12-15 05:23:22 · answer #7 · answered by Greanwitch 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there is any way to stop her. Have had almost the same problem and we just try our best to ignore her although it is hard on everyone. Good luck.
2006-12-15 05:20:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Someone like that you just have to try to work with and humor as best you can without letting them bother you.
2006-12-15 05:13:33 · answer #9 · answered by Rob 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her and don't worry about it.
She's probably very self-pitying so don't let her get to you
2006-12-15 05:28:10 · answer #10 · answered by Big Ben 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋