What's happened to marriage and society's attitude towards it?

Question

I've been reading a lot of questions and answers on the subject and I have to say that some of them are pretty disturbing. For instance, a man asked a question about whether or not he should cheat on his wife because she isn't giving him enough sex. Over half of the answers were, "Yes go for it." and the like. Whatever happened to honoring your wedding vows and doing what's best for your family? When did our society become so narcissistic? I'm not saying that sex isn't important in a marriage, but it's not even close to being THE most important. This person isn't even considering the fact that he might bring a disease home to his unsuspecting wife, potentially leaving his children orphans. Or that the woman he hooks up with might be a psycho and could possibly harm someone in his family. (HELLO Amy Fisher??)

I'm looking for an intelligent debate about this. I'm curious as to why divorce/cheating is suddenly such an easy option, instead of what is best for the WHOLE family.

I just have to say that I'm very impressed with the answers. Excellent points from everyone and it's very interesting to see other people's points of view. Even if I don't agree with some, I'm interested. :o)

Answer 1

I think you have to assume that 80% of the answers on here are from teenagers who are messing around or don't know any better, certainly they aren't mature enough to understand the sacrifices needed for a successful marriage.
Divorce & cheating is being glamorized by the media- how many celebrity break-ups in 2006? And how quickly is the person "in love" again? How many are having kids out of wedlock and being "honored and celebrated" when they do that? How many women decided they "don't need a man" when they get knocked up and raise their boys without fathers-- and their boys learn they're not necessary in life. Meanwhile, how many women use little moods and demands and feelings as weapons to manipulate their men? If a man expects sex with his wife, he's "insensitive".

And interesting observation: I went to a wedding between an American-born wife and a non-American-born husband. Among the guests, in the wife's American family, only ONE couple was still with their original spouse- all the other couples were on their second and sometimes third marriage. In the non-American family, there was only ONE divorced person-- everyone was with their original spouse. (The ages ranged from 30-70).
What does this say about our values and culture?

Answer 2

Marriage, the definition of that word has nothing to do with same sex 'unions'. If people really want to cut through the red tape call a marriage a marriage call a 'union' or a 'coupling' just that. But let's not try to fit round or square pegs into star of david holes... The issue at hand is more about insurance coverage, who can attend at a hospital, and benefits in the workforce. People have been having relationships as they choose throughout history, this era has not invented same sex choices, nor has it invented killing babies in or out of the womb. Save up enough money, invest it well, get a good lawyer who can write a contract for purposes of information sharing and beneficiaries to cover the bases and get over it. If a person or persons choose to live outside of societial structures then they need to create structures that support them and not whine like babies to be fed from the trough they shun or spit at. If a real solution were the issue it would have been done long ago. Under the guise of 'it's a civil rights issue' more damage has been allowed to occur than is really necessary. Stop banging on a closed door and create an opening that is amenable to the real issue. Marriage is marriage is heterosexual.... LEAVE IT ALONE and create a structure that non-heterosexuals can play on that is just for homosexuals alone.

Answer 3

Personally, I do not ever condone cheating. Divorce on the other hand sometimes this is the best answer. Staying togehter is not always what is best for the family. I believe that vows are taken for better or for worse. However, even the bible says that when a spouse is unfaithful this is grounds for divorce. And not all relationships (marriages) will survive a cheating spouse. If there is an abusive situation this is not in the best interest of the family to try to stay and show the chidlren being abused is the best situation, no! So, yes marriage vows should be taken seriously and the marriage should be sacred. I agree totally with this. However, not all things can be resolved and gotten over. There are times when it is in the best interest of the family to seperate. Cheating should never be thought of as a alternative to not having a fullfilling sexual relationship. I think witin society people are getting married witout really knowing who they are marrying, they are geting married with the idea if it doesnt work we can always get a divorce. People do not discuss their values, ideas, morals and compare are they in line with each other and what is expected in relationship? Those are the questions that shoudl be addressed before the marriage not after. It is very simple to get a divorce, very sad. God bless****

Answer 4

You show great insight here. I have been married too many times. In each relationship we had sex all the time. Passionately. They are the ones that had affairs. Not me! I am in a marriage now that has ended because of the same thing!. Would I have an affair? No. I will get a divorce first. And to hear 'Will you marry me?' again. Would I do it again? In all probability will. Isn't love grand. Yes it is. I am 40 something and I still won't give up on love. No one should. Much less stay in a marriage that was nothing but a lie to begin with. Who wants that disrespect? No one I know nor ever knew. Maybe that is why men and women have affairs. Just a thought.

Answer 5

I think its ridiculous the way people treat marriage now days. Its not the same way it use to be or held to respect at all. If you think about it, its actually about the society we are in today. If you talk to older folks for example, I was at a department store and this older lady had a huge rock. I told her how nice it was and she said, "Oh yeah I've been married for 50 years now, but you know marriage is not the same. Back in my time unless your husband/wife died you remarried. You just make things work and put up with it, divorce wasn't an option." With so much infidelity out there and how people take marriage very lightly it just makes me sick! What some people don't see is that marriage is a promise of a lifetime not a stupid paper you had to sign or a ring...sorry I feel that way. Think about it whats the point in signing a paper or wearing a ring if you go out and cheat. When people become selfish with themselves they don't care about their spouse, kids, or even their health. Nor do they make the most intelligent choices either. As for me I'm taking it slow with the marriage issue. A friend of mine rushed her husband to marry her after being pregnant with their child...now 2 years later they are getting a divorce because he was sleeping around.

Answer 6

Hi.
I don't believe this transformation happened suddenly.
Infidelity has been around as long as humans have.
It wasn't as open in previous centuries or even decades, but it has been around.
I believe the answer and the question lays in the common double-standart of: men who sleep around are "just being boys", and women are whores".
Which is unfair, but was socially accepted untill about 15 years ago.
In our age, everything is becoming more equal- this is where narcissism is coming from. Man, woman can do, say anything.
Women are no longer looking to get married as soon as possible, and wait home for their men, while they are doing what ever they want' because ther "bring home the bacon".
Women are fed-up with that stuff and taking charge.
So basically it went from "wife is home, with her mouth shut watching the kids, because if she speaks up and divorces the man- she's going against the "man's world"-society- so everything statys on the low, and world keeps on revolving around men (just like anywhere else (pretty much) except for USA)) while (not all) they do as they please" TO
"equal rights (almost, but soon to be completely), and women can dictate their destiny and their freedoms at their own will, without being "taken care of">
SO here comes the conflict of interests, men still act like playboys in-charge, women can do the same- the society supports both- SO - who needs to compromise?!?!?
and that's the most important thing about relationships and marriages- little and big sacrifices, to make each other feel WORTH of something.

I have soooo maaany thoughts on this, so if you wanna chat let me know.
there is a good book about this, which i can't remember the name of (i'll find out today or tomorrow) so if you wan't to get the name of it. hit me up on the messenger.

Answer 7

Just because you wish sex was not the most important thing in marriage, does not change the facts. Many studies show that the number one and two reasons that men give for divorcing their wives are sex-related. If couples do not pay attention to the differences in sex desires and satisfaction, marriages break up, usually with the man leaving the woman. No amount of denial or thumbs-down will change that.

It is always wrong to break agreements you have made, by cheating, etc... , but ending a marriage because your partner, like the asker of this question, refuses to put your needs anywhere near the top of the list of what is important to the marriage is perfectly legitimate. Again, most men leave thier wives because of disagreements about sex. You can look it up!

Your argument about disease is just panic. STD Fatalities among straight men are almost non-existent, except for those who use intravenous drugs. Both partners dying because the husband had unprotected sex is just unrealistic. Part of convincing people to change their behavior is to be honest with them. According to your argument anyone who has sex before marriage is committing russian roulette and there is just no facts at all to back this up!

It may be that your marriage is the exception and your husband does not find sex to be very important. It happens! Some people just don't like sex that much. When they get married, I'm sure their arguments are about other things instead.

Answer 8

Actually, it isn't "suddenly" such an easy option.

The idea of marriage for love, and monogamy to your spouse as your beloved, is a very new concept in the history of marriage; only coming around this century.

In the past, people married for political and economic reasons - love, a trifling thing that was too flighty to base something so important on - rarely, if ever, factored into it. Because of this, monogamy was generally not practised and spouses often "looked the other way".

Marriage has always been in a flux - it's not worse today than it ever was (in fact, in some ways, it's better!)

Answer 9

Lately I have realized that more and more people are getting divorced because of cheating and cheating is becoming more common! Now, I know alot of people that do not want to get married because they are scared of getting cheated on or they just can't put that much trust in their spouse.
Marriage has really been damaged! I have saw that around my age (16-20 and up) it is not likely for your parents to still be married. Mine were seperated when I was about 14 and got divorced when I was about 16 all because of cheating!

Answer 10

Well, that's easy. In my opinion its because of how the rest of our world is.It has evolved from the older,life of the 40's and 50's when family was everything.Most people lived in the same kind of homes and neighborhoods and had one car that was average and people were content with that.Now days, its fast pace and everything is about "fast" and "the easiest way possible" and about out doing the jones's.
Most everyone forgot about live,love and be happy and became "every man for themself".So, In this they have forgotten what its like to work with what they already have.In the old days when your shoe soles wore out. You took them down to the shoe repair guy and got them re soled.Now days you throw them out before they are worn out cause they don't fit the "popular style" after 2 months.
Everything you do in your life is evolved from your society and its so called "creature habits".
Its sad I know but its going to get worse before it gets better.Just the other day I heard about a women getting shot in front of the store cause she managed to get her hands on the hard to get play station 3 game unit.A man that wanted more was willing to take another life he didn't even know anything about, and take it from her lifeless hands so he could have it. I think the changes in our marriage habits is the least of our problems! Very sad place anymore.