I have been married for nearly 8 years and we have 3children. My husband and I have a really good friendship and I feel like if we got divorced it would be like losing one of my best friends, but the truth of the matter is I am not in love with him, I am head over heals madly in love with someone else. My actuall friend, I have been in love with him forever, but he doesn't feel the same way for me he looks at me as just his close friend (at least I think thats how he sees me). I am currently seperated from my husband while he works on his health he has bi polar disorder (during his last episode injured me and our son but he doesnt remember what happened) and sometimes I feel like if I left him now it would be like kicking him when he is down, so I have pretty much stayed married because I dont want to hurt his feelings but I know that we wont ever live together again, so I feel like I am just prolonging the inevitable. I have friends that say stay& try because he is a Good Man. Ahhh!!!
2006-12-15 04:46:34 · 13 answers · asked by Crazy in Love 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him. Take your son with you. He hurt you both! Enough said?
2006-12-15 04:58:07 · answer #1 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being in a relationship it changes over time ~ it is not all love and roses like it is at the start of a relationship, and by the sound of it that is what you miss. A relationship takes effort. It sounds like all your feelings are being directed towards your friend, but I think for the wrong reason. Can you get someone to babysit the kids and go out for a meal or to the movies? Have some one to one time and it will help mend and make your relationship better.
If you do seperate from your husband make sure you know it is for the right reasons, I don't think you have fully worked it out in your head yet what you want. think about what is right for you and for your husband, and for your three kids. Don't start thinking about a boyfriend until you have sorted out this situation
good luck
2006-12-15 12:54:27 · answer #2 · answered by Mama~peapod 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband deserves to be loved just as you do. I personally don't think it is fair to him to stay with him because he is a good man. If anything he deserves another chance to be loved. You are correct in saying you are prolonging the inevitable as your heart lies with another. I understand you feel that leaving him now will only make things worse for him. However he is now trying to rebuild his life so that he may be a better husband and father. So for you to divorce him once he is better will more than likely be more destructive for him considering he was bettering himself for his family. All the hard work he achieved will be down the drain as he will only regress back to where he was before. Really think about how he will feel. Try to see yourself in his shoes, how he will see it. Of course it will hurt him. Of course he'll be angry. But to let him get better only to break him back down is cruel. Those mind games will tear him apart and confuse him. Be honest with him. Allow him to be loved again.
Also, make sure this is really what you want. The grass always looks greener until you are there. Know that if your love fails with this other man that you won't go crying back to your husband because he's a good man. Make sure your not infatuated with this other man. Just be sure, you don't want to destroy your marriage only to recognize you do love him. Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-12-15 13:29:18 · answer #3 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good man or not he has bi polar and has already hurt you and your son. Even if it wasn't something he remembers, it doesn't matter. If he didn't have this, I would say stay with him. But since you already state that you are not in love with him, then, you should leave. You don't have to give up your friendship with him. Just that living with him is to dangerous and you don't want to risk it. He has to understand, because of what he did.
2006-12-15 12:50:41 · answer #4 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you can only divorce a person if that person cheats on you. Otherwise, work it out. No one said marriage was easy. It takes work. And, if you just give up because its "too hard" than what does that say about you? Your husband should be your best friend. But, marriage is something you have to work at. When it comes down to it, only you can make that decision. Is it worth scarring your kids for life? Is it worth becoming just another statistic?
2006-12-15 12:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by B_U_T_FULL 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you marry him in the first place? You've both vow to love one another for better or for worst, right? Then you need to step up your game, start being a wife, a mother, instead of a teenager still trying to figure out who you want to be with. You've made your choice to marry him, to have children with him, so now try a little bit harder to love him and maybe you'll regret even about asking this silly question.
2006-12-15 13:31:09 · answer #6 · answered by pangfvlx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is about committment. For better or worse. Love has many different faces and stages, just like life.
If your husband is trying to get himself stabilized with meds, etc, then he is doing his best. That is going to be a long road.
You don't say why you will never live together again, so I won't guess. But I will say that I know more than one couple with similar circumstances.
As to the other situation. Avoid it. You are still married to your husband.
2006-12-15 12:55:48 · answer #7 · answered by tantiemeg 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Um, I'm sorry but if he injured you and your child; then I think that it means his disorder is endangering the lives of his loved ones. If he won't put himself into a home for the mentally ill for their safety. Then you have every right to leave, to keep you and your family safe.
My ex father in law was bipolar, I saw what he has done to his family...and though he was aware of his behavior, it shouldn't give him an excuse to continue to act out, harm and endanger them. I eventually saw the same characteristics in son...there was no way I could raise a family in that environment. I couldn't knowingly bring another child into this world to be abused, regardless of the condition.
2006-12-15 13:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying with someone simply because it "seems" right is not the answer. It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to him. You should be happy and he diserves someone who loves him equally in return. I would leave based on the fact that I do not love him and respect him enough to be honest with him. It isn't easy, but it is the honorable thing to do. I would not leave because of being in love with someone else. That is a whole other entity and should be explored approriately when the current commitment has been ended.
2006-12-15 12:51:59 · answer #9 · answered by moni6674 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be thinking abut what is best for you and your children!! Quite worrying about your husband and what his feelings are! Move on get a divorce and quit making excuses for him. The bottom line is you don't love him and he is abusive to you and your children! Leave!
2006-12-15 12:49:56 · answer #10 · answered by Mystic 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well if he hits you, u should leave him... tell him
do u feel like a man when u push her around?
do u feel better now as she falls to the ground?
well i tell u my friend when day this world's going to end
and as your lies crumble down a new life she has found...
if that doesnt work then get the hoes on him!!!
2006-12-15 12:55:05 · answer #11 · answered by okay! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋