Newly married and need Help?

Question

I just got married a little over two weeks ago and the wedding and honeymoon was great and I am now moved out and living with my husband. We have been togther a little over four years now. This is my first time moving out of my parents house and I am terribly homesick. I feel like I have made a terrible mistake, Im wondering if I should lived with him first and then got married. We also just found out that his son is coming to live with us and the son's mother is moving to another state and I am even more terrified. My husband and I have talked a little bit on how I feel about all these changes going on and I tell him that I am really really homesick and almost feel as if I made a mistake, he's expressed to me how hard it must be and he fears losing me because of all thats going on. I feel scared, confused and homesick.

I was wondering if all these feelings are normal, if anyone else felt this way when starting a new life/family and how long does it usually take to adjust?

Answer 1

When I got married I never lived with my husband before. My situation was very similar to yours. The first few months were the worst. I called my mother constantly. When I was really homesick my husband arranged for us to spend the weekend with my mother in my old room. That helped me on so many levels. It showed me that he was taking my feeling seriously enough to let me go back to my safe place. We have been married 2 years now and I have never been happier. Every now and then we still pack up and spend the night at my mothers with the kids and it's great. (usually for the holidays) You are just going through a period of adjustment, it will pass. Good Luck!

Answer 2

What you are feeling is normal. Everyone needs time to adjust and it is different for everyone. You just really need to give yourself some time to settle in. This doesn't mean you can't visit your family. Do that as much as you can and want. That will make the adjustment easier. You do have a lot of changes being that you now have a stepson coming to live with you, but take that slow as well. Don't push a relationship on him, just let it all come naturally. Remember why you married this guy and that your feelings are of homesickness not anything that he is doing. Chances are since you have spoken to him, he will do everything he can to make this easier on you as well. Good luck and don't throw in the towel.

Answer 3

Relax! It's very normal. In fact, I would be surprised if you said you moved out of your family house for the first time, and didn't feel like you missed them at all. It's tough to be 1) Moving out of "the nest" for the first time, and 2) Moving in with another person for the first time. As if this isn't enough, you throw 3) Having some kid move in with you - and you have a recipe for what may sound like a total nightmare. Take a deep breath, and realize that your anxieties are absolutely understandable and natural; don't take them as a sign that something's wrong with your marriage per se. You have to learn to separate the external pressures from the internal problems - and right now it sounds like the pressures are entirely external.

My husband and I lived together for about a year before getting engaged. Even though I was sure I wanted to marry him before I moved in with him, we had our share of adjusting to do. It's a big change to have to share the living space with another person after living on one's own for so long. Re-thinking your priorities, establishing new boundaries - even some power struggles - are absolutely normal at this stage. But if you are in generally compatible, and have respect for each other, things should settle sooner or later.

To be really honest, I would be absolutely put off and terrified if I got the news that my husband's son was coming to live with us. This is why I never even dated guys with kids, I simply couldn't deal with the pressure of parenting someone else's child. It's a big responsibility. Try your best; just keep reminding yourself that you and your husband are a team now, and you need to be supporting each other in everything that life throws at you two from now on. Which means, he needs to be supportive in helping you to get over missing your family, and you have to do your best to give a good home to his child. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, they are normal and yes, they will go away! When you start realizing that you are now independent and a married woman, you will start to become less and less homesick. It takes time. Go visit your parents. Talk to your Mom about it. Find ways to make your home YOURS. Most of all, don't shut yourself out from your husband. Let him know each day how you are feeling and that you are trying your best to adjust and ask him to please be patient with you. I am sure he is scared to death of losing you and wants to make this work.

You will be okay. I promise. I was the same way when I first left home and ya know what? I would never dream of going back to live with my parents now!! LOL! It's a nice place to visit but I have my own home and my own life now. Hang in there and just relax okay??

Answer 5

You’re this homesick after TWO WEEKS? How old are you? I assume you’re an adult. You do realize that you can’t live at home forever, right? Time to grow up.

It does sound like you have a very understanding husband though. Be grateful for that, because most would be telling you the same thing I am…grow up.

On the other hand, I can understand that having a child immediately come into the picture is scary. But you knew he had a child when you married him. It’s a package deal. Give it a chance.

Answer 6

First, I do feel that having his son come live with you will be a terrible mistake. When people first get married they need to live alone for a while this is a big risk you are taking having his son live with you especially right now. If you could find another way not to have him move in at this time, you should do it. you need alone time with your husband and as for missing your family try to keep yourself busy its all part of growing up in time you will get use to being with out your family. I know I have been there, a few years ago my husbands company sent us to Colorado and I hate the snow I did not know anyone there, but I got thought it. It took a lot of prayer but now we could look back on it and talk about it with out any regrets.

Answer 7

any major life change takes an adjustment period. if you have never lived anywhere else than with your parents, its normal to feel homesick, but don't let the fear of change ruin your life or marriage. you obviously have a good husband if you can talk to him about your feelings. the first few years of marriage are the hardest, especially with a child coming to live with you. if you love your husband and want your marriage to work continue to talk to him about your feelings and ask your parents on advice to help ease the homesickness.

Answer 8

I think your feelings are perfectly normal. Change of any kind is always hard to get use to. Your life is much different now, but make up your mind that life can also be better now. Try to throw yourself into making things good. Keep busy and make some goals to work towards. If you let yourself think that you always have the option to go back home you will never be happy. Accept that you are married and this is your life then make the best of things.

Answer 9

It is understandable that you feel the way you do! It will take time to adjust (how much depends on you and your comfort level with everything) but give it time. Make sure that you are open and honest with your husband on how you feel and discuss problems and concerns that you have. Going from no family to a whole family is a HUGE jump and change for you so go slow and take things a day at a time. You will adjust and things will be fine..............I'm sure of it : )

Answer 10

It took me about 3 months to adjust - I had insomnia (3 months with no sleep is rough). You're just in a new position and scared. It's normal. Life is full of changes, and you need to learn to roll with it. You can't spend your life holed up at Mummy & Daddy's house!! Relax. Enjoy your new husband, and start to make your new home....yours. Be thankful for small mercies - at least his ex is moving to another state, and not into the house across the street! Things can always be worse. Be patient.