I was going to leave my verbally/mentally abusive husband tomorrow( he's been physical in the past but still intimidates me). The problem is, I was planning on taking the money out of the bank and there's only $350 in there. He had $1,400 in there last week because he had 2 checks(he blows money on ebay and that's where most of it goes: porn, clothes, sports figurines). To be as brief as I can, he gets direct deposit in there and next friday there should be at least $1,000 or more in there that I can get(yes, joint bank account). We have 2 small children and he tells me he won't give me a dime until the courts makes him pay. He is a very mean and controlling man and i want to get out of this( house is also in foreclosure cause he refused to pay). If I leave tomorrow I'm afraid he'll suspend our account. What would you do? I think one more week is worth more money to care for my kids and my mom is getting things ready at her house anyway for our arrival. What would you do?
2006-12-15 04:35:50 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it is to your benefit to wait for more money and you don't think
he will harm you, then wait a week and get the money...
2006-12-15 04:38:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I've had thoughts like this as well, but it's really not worth the money. When the weekend comes, send the kids to Grandma's house and tell your husband you sent them so you two could have some alone time. After you drop off the kids stop at the bank and take all of the money out of the account and close the account at the counter with a teller.
If you feel you need it, go to the local courthouse or sheriff's office and get an order of protection against your husband.
After the children are gone, clearly and calmly explain that you are leaving. You do not deserve to be treated in such a way, and neither do your children. (If it makes you feel better invite a friend over so you know he'll be less likely to hurt you). Tell him you have already gone to the bank and had the joint account suspended.
Then, just walk out the door and never look back.
He made his bed, now let him lay in it.
2006-12-15 04:46:44 · answer #2 · answered by rchl782 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK... who is the primary account holder on the joint account? If is you then you can close the account. Most direct deposits go through electronically at midnight. And if you have online access then you can transfer money on line. Open a seperate account in your name only today. Then pack your stuff and leave, then transfer all the money out of the joint account into your sole account as soon as the money clears. Any utilities that are under your name cancel the next day. But don't wait for the situation to get worse. And don't put it off. He will manipulate you to get you to stay if he can. If it comes down to it blow off the money. your safety is the most important thing.
2006-12-15 05:05:22 · answer #3 · answered by frontdeskwaitress 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do need legal advice if you are serious about persuing this. Put your child first in all of this, since they tend to be the innocent victims. It was your choice to marry this man. She did not pick her father, but I'm sure she loves her father. Regardless, she is watching her father and the way he treats you, as she grows up she will think its normal and will eventually likely marry a man just like her father. Even though, its still important for her to have a relationship with her dad. Is there anyway your husband would go to some kind of family counseling? Do you love him. I dont believe in staying in abusive relationships and once abuse starts, it almost never stops. Alot of the times communication barriers are the problem between couples. I'm not making excuses for him. Abuse comes in many different ways. If you could communicate with him, maybe he doesn't know or think what he is doing is abuse, I know different cultures see different acts as abuse. You are both from different backgrounds and what he may view as expression of love may be an act of violence to you. Can you communicate without anger is the question. People tend to feel threatened when you make an attempt to deny them the love they thought they had. Look at the situation with compassion for your daughter. If in fact it is abuse, he denies it is, then do whats best for your daughter in the long run. Shes the one who is suffering.
2016-05-24 21:00:49 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First stop your direct deposit now because can take 1-2 pay checks to stop. It did mine then move on he'll be paying you back pay for child support from the day you moved out so keep records of dates for when you in court. Just do what's the best for you and the kids. If you have a safe place to go. GO!
2006-12-15 04:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by FUBAR 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave right now. Who cares if he suspends the account. At least you and your children will be safe and have your lives. If your mom is already getting things ready then go for it. I would not want my 2 girls around any abusive person for any longer then they had to be, doesn't matter if it is their dad or not. As for him telling you he wont give you a dime until the court makes him pay. Why would you want him to pay child support and all of that? That means he would have visitation rights. Go for full custody for your kids sake. Even if he is only abusive to you and not the kids, chances are it will turn around one day. Get out now while you can.
2006-12-15 04:41:16 · answer #6 · answered by Hot Mom 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You absolutely have to get out of this situation, but I'm not so sure that running out with $1400 is the best route. If he is already abusive towards you, at one point physically, you are taking a serious risk by taking emptying the bank account. If you do decide to take the money and run, you may want to consider purchasing a hand gun for protection.
2006-12-15 04:41:25 · answer #7 · answered by tate 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should leave now but understand the money issue. If your going to stay walk softly and be quiet. When you leave you better have everything you want.Get a lawyer and a restraining order because your gonna p*** him off royally! He'll say anything to get you back so be careful. Been there,got out and the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. Think of the children FIRST! Good Luck to you. Sincerely.
2006-12-15 04:44:22 · answer #8 · answered by ♥kissie♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how far your mom's house is from where you are now. If he has gotten physical with you before, it would be dumb to take the money. He can always find you. If you wait till next week, and do take the money, make sure that same day, you go get a restraining order on him.
2006-12-15 04:42:16 · answer #9 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have family i suggest you leave.. Theres program houses out there that can help you.. What you can do is take 320 out.. You will have 30 left in the account... Then go to an atm machine and get 300 out it will make your account negative but it will get repaid with the direct deposit...
2006-12-15 04:41:32 · answer #10 · answered by PinkPrincess 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Leave today. Next week there may be another whole host of excuses for why you can't leave - if he's that bad you need to go now. Take as much money as you can ...Drain every account if your finances and credit are really that bad.
If he's that bad to you and your kids leave now. Give your kids a safe and happy holiday.
2006-12-15 04:41:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋