Me and my ex husband havn't been together for over two years..we have two kids together so i have to see him once in a while..I found out about his new girlfriend while me and him were trying to work things out or so i thought..Well my point is do i have to be nice to her?? I mean i don't like her and so far I have been really nice to her and she has been the same with me...But i feel like i'm being fake..And i hate fake people..I want to be myself even if it means not being nice to someone i don't like..I don't want any drama between me and this girl So does that mean i have to be nice to her even if i don't want to ??
2006-12-15 04:31:24 · 33 answers · asked by ?Whiskey Girl? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is easier being nice then acting resentful.
That drives the other woman crazy, because they are expecting you to act jealous and nasty.
It makes them very confused and they cant understand why you can be nice to them.
THere will always be a question mark in their head and it actually drives the husband nuts.
Not to mention, if your kids are at your ex-husbands house and she is there, she will be nicer to your kids.
Remember, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
So far, you have done a great job handling this role, why change things.
Consider yourself extra special, because what you are doing is really a very difficult task for most women.
I applaud you.
2006-12-15 04:42:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a broken home I know from experiance how hard this situation is. You should be as nice as you can don't be fake but try to make it work. The reason why is your kids will notice. They will appreciate the fact that you are trying to make things better. Nice doesn't mean you have to be ingratiating just civil. It will make things better in the long run. When your children grow up they will know you tried and will love you for it
2006-12-15 04:37:24 · answer #2 · answered by irishpuertorican1981 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have children you will need to manage your feelings. That girlfriend or another may one day become step mom. She may choose to be wonderful and involved with your children and add something nice to their lives. If you act horribly out of bitterness towards your ex, she may still become step mom and then make your life miserable by being inflexible on visitation, child rearing issues or not act lovingly to your children when they are with their father. I would think that out of the love for your children you would want them to feel good while they are with Dad. I am a step mom for more than 10 years now (Ag's. 16/21) and unfortunately two years ago their Mom in an effort to try to get more money from Dad starting saying mean things about us to the kids. Well, now all the extra nice things I would do with those children are finished and I choose minimal involvement. Not that I don't still love them and I am never mean, but life is just too short to take crap from a bitter person. I have my own child to raise and I just focus on her. If your ex decides to behave badly towards your future boyfriends, they may not want to stay with you because of it. So think hard, do you want your kids to suffer due to your attitude? By the way, it is o.k. to hate this person in private ;)
2006-12-15 06:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by Stepmomof2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't like my ex's g/f either, but she is good to my kids when they are around her, so i am nice just to keep the peace between my ex and i. i don't like being fake to people either, but think of how it could affect the kids if drama is started. do you know if she will show the tension around the kids? will the kids pick up on it and be affected by it?....most cases yes. if they see their dad likes the g/f but you don't...they may feel like they have to choose.
just remember this though....you are their real mom and NO ONE can take your place...ever! The other thing..think about what it is you don't like about her and talk to your ex...maybe its something you can work out and get passed.
hope that made sense...good luck!!
2006-12-15 04:40:39 · answer #4 · answered by Get_R_Done_n_Dallas 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess the big question how does it serve you to be mean? If you have children, what are you teaching them about relationships with anger? You do not have to like her but you don't have to be best buddies either, just cordial. I am sure you are less than pleased with him yet, I didn't hear you are angry or mean to him and he left you.... what did she do? Life is not fair but children pick up on dysfunctional family behavior. When you are angry at her how much of that can be perceived by your kids that you are angry at them? All they want is to be loved. They have no upper limit on the amount of love they can receive. Your position in life is not being threatened.
2006-12-15 04:58:09 · answer #5 · answered by Bob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is going to be around your kids, then you should be nice to her. Plus don't give your ex the satisfaction of seeing you act like you hate her, he'll think your jealous. Show you have some class and be civil, that's not being fake.
2006-12-15 04:37:13 · answer #6 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to be very nice to her or seem friendly. but you need to get along to a point so that the kids are not affected by this. He is ex if you move on also then there might not be so hard of feelings here.
2006-12-15 04:34:33 · answer #7 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the truth is that dealing with the ex is hard there is no way that is easy, i am in the same postion, i was nice to the ex's new chica. she however was not she is the most dramatic and hateful person i can ever imagin, she even went so far as to call our son a retard! so now i am not mean to here but we don't ever deal with each other.
2006-12-15 04:36:28 · answer #8 · answered by Eda M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because I am thinking of the children, I would say just continue being nice to her. You probably won't have to see her that often. It is easier to keep peace, than become some drama queen & get all out of hand. Good luck to you all.
2006-12-15 04:47:27 · answer #9 · answered by dimples121 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just look at it this way am sure you have seen it all when it comes to your ex. women will come and go in his life like a revolving door, so it should not hurt you to be nice knowing that in no time she will also be gone! So just keep up the nice smile because you are the wiser!
2006-12-15 04:41:49 · answer #10 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋