how do u deal with Christmas without your mom?

Question

My mom passed away 3 years ago.....most days i do really well...she is always on my mind sometime during the day but on my birthday, Mothers Day, her birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas it seems so overwelming...help me learn to deal with it....

my mom was my dearest and best friend..when i try to talk to others they act as if i need to get over it....i dont think i ever will....my dad is so grouchy and complains about every little thing that i cant be around him..so i dont ...my sibblings have there own lives ...we never have family get togethers anymore....life has definately changed...do u believe in spirits visiting....i smell my moms perfume at the times i need her most....as if she is saying to me " im still here"

Answer 1

My wife lost her mother three years ago too- to breast cancer.
It still is a massive burden of a vast range of emotions for her to deal with.
All I can suggest is perhaps not to try to attempt to make everything seem 'alright' and continue on as if she never existed, but to acknowledge her absence perhaps in a symbolic way> These are just suggestions but perhaps lighting a candle for her at church, donating money to charity in her name/honour or even a quiet talk with her (not even a prayer or religious type talk/prayer).
It is always okay to cry, remember, ache, yearn and hurt. Honestly (and I lost both parents), you will bear this kind of emptiness for the rest of your life- BUT that isn't to say that the rest of your life should be a waking misery. They will always be in your thoughts/wishes/prayers and you will cope best if you don't intentionally push them out of your conscious mind. In time, you will learn to cope with the pain associated with such symbolic occasions.
Stay as close as possible to your remaining close family members and be supportive of each other.
Try and live in a way that would do her proud, remember her always- for immortality is only in the remembered thoughts of the living.
I hope you have a safe and relatively happy Christmas- I'm sure your mum would want the same.

Answer 2

Just think about all the good things that you used to do with her, although its gonna seem really sad, those times were happy, and i'm sure she'd always want you to remember how lovely the holidays were with her. Maybe have a point in the day where you get a new Christmas tradition to remember her, like lighting a candle or wrapping a small present something she would always have, and open that for her. it will be hard however, know how much love you two had for each other and that never ends, its just a beginning of new Christmas traditions that still include her. Hope you have a great time hun, xx

Answer 3

Aw -- it seems as though your mom might still be grieving, hun, and maybe she's working to avoid the holiday without your dad, but doesn't realize how lonely *you* are. It won't be like this forever, I don't think. I hope your brother is getting some help for his grieving and acting out, too. But I really do wish you some hope for this Christmas. Maybe next Christmas it will be filled with the joy you are longing for...it might be wise to plan ahead and make some plans for how you will spend your day next year, so that you aren't left alone and feeling so lonely. Sorry, too, about the loss of your dad.

Answer 4

Sweetheart, please go to this site immediately. I know you stated its been three years since your mom was called forth, but you may still have some stages yet to graduate from.

I have not personally lost my mother, but over the last two years, since shes been diagnosed, it is borrowed time she lives on. Sadly, Scleroderma has no cure, and the pain she endures daily makes me want to scream for him to take her, why the suffering?

I don't know the circumstances surrounding your moms passing. I know losing someone unexpectedly is different from a long illness.

Its been a process over my 41 years on earth, but I do not fear death. I feel all who pass before us are in a place that is so incomprehensible to those living. Your mother is experiencing such a magnificently wonderful existence right now. The things she can do would just boggle our mind. I also believe they can look over those living. That they hear everything we say to them, about them, shoot, they can probably hear whatever they want!

I know loneliness is a major factor, especially during those times you mentioned. I will say this: when we help others less fortunate, helping them takes our mind off of our own troubles for awhile. Of course, its true, time does soften everything.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family this season. God bless and God speed.

Answer 5

Ok. This one hits close to home. I lost my mom last year. Christmas is/was her favorite holiday. I do not know any magical end all to the pain. You are going to miss her. But just remember that she is still there with you. I went ahead and got my mom a flower for Christmas. Just so she has something under the tree. I know its odd, but it makes me feel better knowing that she is still a part of the celebration. I guess I am really not too much help. But just keep her a part of those times when you miss her most. Maybe that will help out a bit...

Answer 6

Sweetie, I know what you are feeling I lost my Father at Christmas and 7 years later lost my Mother on Thanksgiving. I also lost my baby that was due at Christmas. I, like you, do well most days but what gets me through are happy memories of those holidays with them. As time goes by there will be ups and downs one year you will get through with flying colors and the next you might miss her terribly, this is normal. Think of good times you had with your Mother and remember too she wouldn't want you to be sad and she is always with you in your heart. I hope this helps, and know you aren't alone. Best wishes.

Answer 7

I have lost all of my family over the course of a few years and this time of year is tough, but it seems to get a bit easier as the years go by but it never goes away completely.

Answer 8

I'm sorry... I guess just try to surround yourself with other people you love, and try not to be alone much. Keep yourself busy...and if you feel comfortable, talk with someone else about the good Christmas memories you had with you mom. Remember too that Christmas will be over soon.

Answer 9

my Mom just passed away Oct 23rd, so this is my first Christmas without her, and yes its hard,,,, i would suggest trying to change up your routine a little, while sticking to the old traditions,,,,,, maybe make a dish she always liked or made, to remember her by,,,, but yet add in something new, also, i light a candle in rememberance of her,,,, on special days,,,, not that you can isolate your grief, but it does help to have a set time to dwell on it,,, feel it, then move on,,accept that she lived her life her on earth, and it was her time to go on,,,,,

Answer 10

my mother died in '95. i finally accepted it abut 2 years ago, but the pain wont go away. i love my mama very much. when i feel sad and angry about it i just think of the good times we had. lol she even played catch with me. sewed patches on my bluejeans as a little kid. she would hum when she did that. now of course i think of these things almost everyday because i miss her so much. this may be weird but i have her SSC in my wallet. all the pictures are too big to carry around. ok so i give you a virtual hug and try to send good energy in your direction.
~peace~