what do you think of a husband that put his family before his wife?

Question

I've been married only one yr. and feel like my feelings and needs are not important as his adult children, also when I'm feeling sick or tired he thinks that is an insult and I should jump in bed when "HE Wants" and be aggressive. All I get from him is a unsatifing sex anyways what to do anyone?

Answer 1

Sounds like he is all ME ME ME and not YOU YOU YOU

A husband should treat his wife with respect and he should cherish her, and all that she does.

If she is feeling sick, nurse her back to health. If she is tired, let her rest. Be there for her, support her, love her, treat her like your queen.

It's really sad, but most men these days don't really seem to know what it is to have a wife. To take vows and honor them. In Sickness, Happiness, health, life, and death you are supposed to love one another.

As for the sex, teach him how to satisfy you-be more aggressive. My husband was doing a terrible job at everything sex, until I told him where to touch me, how to touch me, and not to grab and paw at me.

Answer 2

You have two totally different situations here.

You cannot blame a man for putting his children first. That's what a good dad does. You should have known this coming into a relationship with him knowing he has children.

Second issue, most guys think that when you say you have a headache or are feeling sick when it's time to jump in the sack, that you are lying. Because face it, a lot of women do this. So he might think that you are lying to get out of sex, and of course he would look at that as an insult. Just cough all over him or throw up on him and he will know you're sick. .... okay, maybe not.

If all you get from him is unsatisfying sex, then... are you really faking the sickness? Cause I am sure he can tell. And why don't you talk to him about different things you would like to try in the bedroom to spice it up, and ultimately give you better sex. All guys like to talk about doing different things in the bedroom.

Answer 3

Well Bonnie.....take a good look at his first marriage. Was the split up his idea or hers. If it was not his then he may have met you on the rebound and ended up marrying you because you helped him through it.

His children are and should be very important to him. However it should never be to the exclusion of you. I am in kind of the same situation only from his end. I lost me first wife to another man. My current wife I did meet on the rebound but I do love her very much. The problem is she is very intimidated by my children and really does not feel she has been accepted by them. Well at least by my daughter.

From what you have said it sounds to me like your husband may not love you as much as he should. Sorry to say that but it doesn't sound good. If he cared for you….you would get a lot more than unsatisfying sex from him. For him to insist that you go to bed no matter what is clearly not considering you at all. If up on occasion he needed it and you allow it then on other occasions he should go way out of his way to make it good for you.

Most women I think that do not get the attention they need put a stop on the sex. What would happen if you did that? If he is not abusive the worse thing that could happen is he would want a divorce. Sorry to say it but you may be better of with that.

Answer 4

There has to be more about why you feel your needs are not as important as his adult children. He should let his adult children be adults but he should be a good father by being there when they need him. Adults still need their parents even when they are grown and have kids themselves. You need to examine your own heart for jealousy and control issues and you'll probably find your answer.

As for the sex when you are sick actually sex is very helpful for those headaches because sex releases chemicals that can heal you and relax you. You just have to want to enjoy the experience. You probably have a negative mind set before it even begins and that is keeping you from enjoying it. If sex is unsatisfying then try what I did, masturbate in front of him right after he is finished. Work on a huge orgasm right in front of him. He may just get hard all over again. Tell him in loving ways what you would like for him to do to you. During sex do not be afraid to change the position yourself, tell him you want it harder or deeper or longer or tell him don't stop when you're close. Men like orders during sex cause it tells them how to be better. Take more control in sex and it will change your sex life forever.

Answer 5

Well I also have a husband who has children from a prior marriage. At the time that I met him they were small/young, so I could kind of understand why he needed to be there for his kids. If your husband is ignoring you for his adult, grown children then you need to let him know how you feel. But if his children are small then you kind of have to understand. They were his kids first before you were his wife. As far as the unsatisfying sex life well, be there have that. I too have a man who is old fashioned and totally self absorbed when it comes to sex. He believes in having complete satisfaction, but only his part. If I don't go along then pretty much its my own loss.He's your husband so if you don't want to deal with it then maybe you should leave. Let him also know about your feelings of non-fulfillment.Let yourself relax and not hold resentment for him about his kids and you maybe able to relax with him in bed. Just a thought for you. Take care and I wish you the best.

Answer 6

Any man who insists on having sex regardless of what his wife is feeling is a jerk. Given that and the fact that you are not satisfied, it's clear that he is viewing you as a convenient receptacle for his bodily fluids and that is it.

If his kids are adults, then there is no reason for him to constantly put them first. (But, do you make an effort to get along with these adults or do they hate you on principle?)

Frankly, he doesn't sound like much of a husband to me, or not the kind of husband I would want to spend my time on. You can either
1. Tell him very clearly just how unhappy you are and why. Then the ball is in his court to change or not. But indicate that the status quo will NOT continue and that remaining married will require a change of attitude and behavior on his part.
2. Just leave.

Answer 7

I think he's not much of a husband. Why on earth did you marry him? I think you've allowed this to happen. Was the sex any good before? It's time (overdue) to lay down the law, instead of your body - and tell him the way it's going to be. MY WAY - or the highway. Maybe you should be sick & tired more often - and he'll understand it IS and insult. So is putting anything before your wife.

Answer 8

I was married to a man just like that for 7 yrs. All I know is that I felt miserable most of the time. It's a shame you did know or realize this before you marry him. I can't tell you what to do but the final decision lies with you.

Answer 9

I think the both of you need to go get some counseling. Your husband sounds insensitive to your needs and wants and at the same time he's " running his nose up his kids butt" trying to " make up " for something he thinks was his fault or that he did. If the both of you are just " using " the other person in a mechanical way for sex, then yeppers...it's gonna be pretty " ho hum " which to me sounds like what's happening. if you don't like the other person, then it makes it hard. The " Love" part is easy...LIKING....the other person is the real challenge.

Answer 10

Girl, you will never get a man to put you before his children. I don't care if they are adults. Now that unsatisfying sex, you chose that man as your husband. You didn't test the ride before you rode off with it? Sound like you jump in the wrong frying pan.