For men! Is my husband telling the truth?

Question

My husband has had a past of pornography. He says he is clean. I do believe this, but..Sometimes it looks like he's going off to another planet when he sees a pretty woman. I think his rocket isn't landing when he tells me he's thinking of something else at the time. I can't see this as humanly possible that you cannot SEE, what your eyes are on. I watch him, he looks all around, then they stop on a georgous woman. He says he is thinking of something else at the time. So...why not let your eyes stop on a hole in the wall instead? I've had to just let it go, but can't see it scientificaly possible. Can a man, thinking of something else at the time, be looking around, and go blind? I'm sure all men are different, but is this possible? Is my husband really weird, or lying? If he's not thinking of mrs. bikini, is he really seeing her? You know, your eyes are attached to your brain! What's going on?

Answer 1

I do that spacing out thing, but not that often. If he constantly uses this as an excuse he is lying.

Answer 2

Pornography is VERY addictive and there are many people who have lost their jobs and marriages because of it. It is normal for both sexes to look at the other sex but should never be disrespectful to a partner. He may have a very high testosterone count and making him very "sexual" and if that is the case, he needs to "release it" the appropriate way, with his wife.

You do not mention how your sex life is. Be creative with him, do some role playing, get his mind and fantasies on YOU instead of other women and pornography. However, if you suspect he has a sickness (addicted to women/porno) then you MUST do something about it ASAP. Go talk to a counselor/psychologist/sex therapist and/or priest or Rabi. You must start with this soon or your marriage will be over.
E-MAIL ME AT [e-mail] I am a guy and have been married over 10 years. I can try to advise you some more.

Answer 3

He was probably looking at the girl, but didn't want to start an argument with you about it. It's very common for people to show physical attraction to other people while maintaining a loving relationship. It doesn't mean he doesn't love or appreciate you.

As for you actual question; Of course it's possible for someone to be thinking about something and not really concentrating on what they're seeing. Is that a guy thing? It doesn't mean we can look and think at the same time or we aren't actually seeing anything, but sometimes you're so deep in thought that you stop processing what you're seeing.

Answer 4

I think you are being paranoid. Relax. If you keep watching what your husband is watching then you will go nuts pretty soon. A woman who controls that much is scary.

An average man can look at another woman or even fantasize about having sex with her - all in a second and it means nothing. He might never really do anything but that is how the man's brain is wired. However, if you think like this you will sure need medical help soon. So just let him have a life and enjoy your marriage.

Answer 5

What is going on is you are trying to completely take over another human being.... jeeeze lady, let the man look ate what he wants to look at without grilling him. I know, why don't you pluck his eyeballs out and tell him you did it because he made it clear to you they didn't work anyway.

Does he not do enough for you that you need him to eschew looking at what looks best to a man (women). You want him to wear s virtual chastity belt around his eyes.

Of course all the poor man can do is come up with a feeble lie about thinking of something else as he takes in a lovely vision.

Human males are wired to respond to the female form, he didn't stop being male because he got hitched to you... even though it seems like you want him to be some kind of pseudo male.

Answer 6

I believe it is possible to notice an attractive person without wanting to meet or be with that person. All of us are human,
and we all notice beautiful people. It's "how" he looks at her
that is a sign of his respect for you. There's a difference in glancing ... and drooling. It also does not reflect on your appearance.
Look what happened to Sara Evans recently, and she's a very beautiful woman. I bet she has the same insecurities all of us
do regarding porn.
What you have to do somehow, is re-gain your self confidence.
Don't other men notice you when you walk by? If they do or not,
it doesn't matter, but it does matter how you feel on the inside.
Be the best you can be. Put your make-up on, have your hair done. If you need to lose weight...do it. Looks arn't everything,
but you'll feel better if you know you look your best, and others
(including your husband) will notice your confidence.

Answer 7

What are you asking? If he's looking at other women is he thinking of something else? Who knows? maybe yes...maybe no. Let me ask you this...why are you so uptight about all of this? So what if he eyeballs some woman who catches his eye? We're all human and I'm sure you're no Alicia Silverstone just like I'm sure he's no Tom Cruise. Not everyone can be as lucky as me and be confused on a daily basis with Tom Selleck.
So let him look. Your concern should be once he touches or makes any concerned effort to carry on "looking" to any degree further.
Now...a past of pornography. like what? Looking at it? Starring in it? Directing or producing it? Again...if a man likes to look at porn so what? That doesn't mean that he has no desires for you. In fact it just may add that extra stuff to your sex life that so many people here complain that is lacking. Now my dear....if he comes home with a midget, two Great Danes and a jar of mayonaise and some black licorice whips...then I think you'd be well within your rights to tell him his porn oogling days have come to an end.

Hope this was some help.

Answer 8

Well, babe, it's like this. I look around, all men do. We are all attracted to a good looking woman (well, at least those of us who are straight). A great set of boobs, nice looking butt, great looking camel toe, sure, we all look. And in some situations, we get an erection. This doesn't mean that we're all thinking about screwing the gal that we're looking at. It just means that the sight is pleasing to us. it doesn't necessarilly mean that he's cheating or he doesn't want to do you anymore. It's sort of a fantasy thing. Imagining himself doing this chick.

Fantasy happens in both male and female. Haven't you ever had a fantasy about doing another man? It doesn't mean you're going to screw someone else, it's just a release. I've had fantasies about other women when I'm having sex with my wife. It's not cheating, it's just another release. So think about that.

And if it bothers you that he's looking at other women this way, tell him that it kinda offends you and you would prefer him not to do this as often. Talk to him.

Answer 9

What's going on? You've made it clear that you get irrationally jealous and angry if he looks at another woman...and since ALL men look at other women, he's trying to avoid your jealousy and anger by lying when he does, and telling you he was thinking of something else.

So two things here: either trust him or don't, but make up your mind -- the idea of "I trust him but I get jealous and angry when he looks at another woman" isn't ever going to work. Like I said, ALL MEN look at other women. Period. If you trust him, it won't bother you when he looks at another woman, because it's just looking and you trust that he's not going to go ask her to have sex. If you don't trust him, then leave him. But the halfway stuff will ruin your marriage.

Second thing: be honest with him, and get him to be honest with you. He's lying because he knows you hate what he does, but he's still going to do it (and so is every other man)...so you need to resolve this with him by talking honestly. A good start would be to tell him that you DO trust him, and that you don't care if he looks at another woman once in a while as long as he doesn't go sleep with her. Then don't get jealous or angry anymore, and show him you mean it. If you're not able to put away your jealousy and anger, then tell him that too -- and either go see a counselor or split up.

It's pretty clear that you DON'T trust him. So make up your mind :)

Answer 10

I believe it's abnormal for any man not to notice a beautiful woman. The problem is, some men gawk and stare.....that's not cool. (by the way, women do this too, but they're usually a bit more coy in how they look).
You need to ask yourself this: "Is your husband one to take a glance at the woman walking by or one that likes to gawk and stare?" If the latter is true.....he has a real problem!
For the record, when a man completely stops noticing a beautiful woman, I believe he's either 1. Dead 2. too old to get it up anymore or 3. Gay

Answer 11

Normally I wouldn't violate the guys rule book, but your husband is disrespecting you, so I will tell you what's going on.

No man on the planet can look at an attractive woman and not notice that she's attractive. Hello, it's biology!

Generally, decent guys are just thinking that the woman is attractive and it doesn't go beyond that. Older guys see an attractive young woman and tend to reminisce about being young again, back when an attractive young woman would give them the time of day; they really aren't being lecherous when they talk with young beautiful women.

Most guys, young and immature, or on the prowl, are imagining how great it would be to have sex with the attractive woman; they aren't generally having mental sex, just thinking it would be nice to be with that person physically.

The line your husband crosses is that he is not considerate of your feelings and he's a dork for being so obvious about his actions. I would be worried if he didn't notice an attractive woman, but he can at least have the decency to not fixate on the object of his interest in front of you. A little respect goes a long way.