my Tim has joint custody and set court orders for visitation with his exwife for their 8yr old son.The problem is whenever she gets a new bf she wants to change the visitation schedule around to accommodate her.The court order is set up so Tim has his son every other day from after school till 7pm and every other weekend.Tim allways follow this unless there is an emergency.His ex routinely calls 15 mins before we are to bring him home to tell us she will be late and we have to bring him home later or will call us to come and get him earlier from her..Most of the time shes only late by 30 mins or so but there are times when she wants him to keep him like whole days which interfers with our plans.The worse part is Tim allows this to happen and will not say a thing to her or even asks me if its ok.He will not say anything to her as he is afriad to confront her and make "problems" for his son.I think hes just afraid of her period and allowing her to control us.
2006-12-15 03:06:15 · 16 answers · asked by suedees1997 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
should i just drop this?If i push this tim and i will have a major fight over this and i will not win.
2006-12-15 03:07:08 · update #1
Maybe he needs to seek full custody and just let her have visitation!
2006-12-15 03:12:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you and your husband are going to have a major fight over this, and you already know you won't win it, then why push it? He had the child when you married him, that's part of marrying someone with children. In some ways, his child WILL come first in his life. What's Tim supposed to do when his ex can't/won't be there at the agreed upon time to pick up their son, just leave the child on her doorstep?? And children will interfere with parents plans all the time, that's a fact of parenthood. All you can do is encourage Tim to talk to his ex about this. Maybe he already has and has gotten nowhere with it, and that's why he's not wanting to go there again. Personally, I think Tim's taking the high road here, and I really respect him for it. He's putting the needs of his 8 year old child ahead of his own, and that's the mark of a good father. Maybe you should respect him for that quality as well, hmmmmmm???? Best of luck to you.
2006-12-15 03:21:01 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think If it is really that big of a deal you need to let him know you are not happy about it. On one hand he is his son, and anything that happens he needs to be accommodating for his son not her! On the other hand it isn't fair for him to disregard your feelings and plans and not discuss his decision with you. You need to ask him if he could at least ask you if it is a problem to get him earlier or pick him up later or keep him longer. But you also need to let some of the plans that aren't as important go if his ex has a good reason. It is probably pretty hard to be a single mother and I think your husband is just being a great dad. After all you married a man that has a child and you should have known it would change your life. You are now a step mother and you need to change your lifestyle more than ever! If she doesn't have good reasons than he needs to grow some ***** and tell her it is a problem! Good Luck!
2006-12-15 03:26:50 · answer #3 · answered by runzwsizorz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in such a tough situation. How is YOUR relationship with her? Maybe you can have a gentle but matter-of-fact dialog with her.
Chances are, she's always been self-centered like this. If she sees no problem with this kind of behavior, then (in her mind) there is no problem! Tim should say something if the behavior effects his son adversely, even if it's just to point out to her that the boy's life matters, too. (She SHOULD care about that, even if she doesn't care about your and Tim's life/plans.)
But, the fact remains: with some people, their needs come first. Tim's son will ultimately be the one to suffer if he senses "he" is a bone of contention (kids don't understand that the behavior is the problem, they're very quick to feel responsible and that it's 'his fault'....) This is Tim's justifiable concern.
Good luck!
2006-12-15 03:23:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mona H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't blame the guy for wanting to spend more time with his son when mom is gonna be late and all.
Perhaps though the mom could let you know sooner than 15 minutes before the exchange that she needs to change the time. Tim needs to approach mom in a non-threatening way--like "Hey, you know I love keeping ______. If you could though, please let me know earlier in the day if I need to keep him longer or overnight so we can make sure we are prepared--you know like baths and stuff. You're doing a great job with him and I want to help as much as I can, but a I do need a little notice if the time needs to change."
Then, he needs to reassure her that he's never going to turn down the opportunity to see his son, but that he just needs more notice to accommode his and every else's schedules.
Good luck--sounds like you are married to a GREAT guy but you have a long 10 years ahead of you.
She may get 'mad' but believe me--if she wants to see her bf, she will still let you guys see the son--alot!
2006-12-15 03:16:23 · answer #5 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right it will just cause a fight and you wont win. You will look like the bad guy. Being late doesnt seem to be the problem. As if it was my kid and I got to see him longer Yeah for me. Maybe Tim enjoys the time with his kid and doesnt mind it at all. Does he complain or just you? If the whole day stuff does interfere with your plans Tim needs to know how to say to her no we cant have him today we have a life too ya know. Tim needs to be the one to say something if its a problem with Him.
2006-12-15 03:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop it,. Can the woman also have a life and perhaps some hapiness? Can she have a little room for life outside motherhood? I don't know how 30 minutes can affect your plans and make you so bitter. Gimme a break.
Let your husband do some parenting beyond visitation. Compassion and understanding is the best policy.
Good luck
2006-12-15 03:18:13 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he doesn't care then let it be. It looks like he is getting more time with his son anyway. I would leave it up to Tim to start saying something. Best of luck jenn
2006-12-15 03:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by Army Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it affects your life but honestly, leave Tim handle it. Its out of your hands. Your stuck with it until your step child is 18.
2006-12-15 03:20:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T FIGHT WITH HIM ABOUT IT. HE CAN TAKE IT TOO BAD, COS IT'S HIS KID. MAKE SURE TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT YOU LIKE HIS KID AND ENJOY THE TIME TOGETHER, BUT IT'S JUST NOT FAIR THAT HIS EX WIFE IS TRYING TO CONTROL THE SITUATION AND MESS WITH YOUR PLANS. THERE SHOULD BE CLEAR BORDERS. SHE ACCEPTS YOUR EX AS A PLACE TO SEND HER KID, WHILE SHE IS BUSY! WHY DOESN'T SHE CHANGES HER PLANS AND MAKE THEM ACCORDING TO THE SCHEDULE MADE BY THE COURT??!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE ONES CHANGING PLANS AND AGREEING WITH EVERYTHING. IF SHE'S LATE OR SMTH ONCE, TWICE FOR A GOOD REASON OK, COMPROMISES SHOULD BE MADE BY BOTH SIDES. BUT NOT WHENEVER SHE LIKES.
2006-12-15 03:35:40 · answer #10 · answered by Stella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋