Should I leave my husband?

Question

My husband is a good guy and I do love him but he is very immature and is really bad at sex. He just lays there and I have to do everything. I seldom get off and when I do, it's no fault of his. He is into kites and snowboarding and video games and otherwise is very immature. We have been married for 10 years and I think I've had enough. It doesn't help that an old flame's name has resurfaced. One I used to have a ton of fun with. He could be married and have tons of kids for all I know! Regardless, he seems to be all I can think about lately and I've dangerously been carrying his cell phone number in my pocket for weeks now. Could someone smack me back into reality???

The old flame and I had a thing when I was 17 but he was much older and he knew it so he left me alone. He came around looking for me again a couple of years later when I was older but I was moving in just a day or two to another state and never hooked up with him. We made out lots but never actually had sex! I did know my husband was like this when I married him and I guess it is partially my fault but he was 19 when we met and 21 when we got married and I just figured he's grow out of that stuff. I was into it then too but I've grown up and he hasn't.

We have no kids (he is enough) and I would never mess with the flame if he were married.

I have tried talking to him but he says "I've always been this way, take it or leave it." We do have a communication problem for sure. We can't hardly talk about sex or even look at each other while we're having it. He is a nice genuine person and I don't want to hurt him by telling him he's bad. I think he knows it anyway. Geez. A new position? ANYTHING? I wish he would just bang the hell out of me but he isn't that type. My old flame ...I definitely think he was that type! I'm pulling my hair out here!!

Answer 1

Leave him as a fantasy, and teach your hubby what it takes to get you off

Answer 2

So why did you marry your husband in the first place? You must have had a good reason. Is that reason no longer applicable? As far as the sex, well im sure you had sex before you got married. Right? Did something happen that made the sex bad or did you marry him knowing the sex was bad. Maybe you are just finding excuses to leave your husband because you are still in love with your old flame. You need to be honest with your husband and talk to him. Try to straighten out things with your hubby before you move on to the old flame. Remember you married him for better or worse.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to both sit down and have a good talk. Give each other a chance to say both the things that 1. bother you, 2. you enjoy. And then, just give each other the chance to ask some Q's. If you are both open, this will get a lot of things out in the open. If you have got through 10 yrs, then you can keep it up.

Usually the problem is simply a lack of communication. Yeah, everybody says that - but that's because it's usually the truth. If he is being unfaithful, then that is definitely a huge problem - maybe some open communication will eventually bring this out. And if it is true, maybe communication to begin with would have helped prevent it. Good luck!

Answer 4

*sigh* I know where you're comming from. I've been married for 5 years now and I still wonder what to do in a situation like that. First off, get rid of the cell phone number in your pocket because you're right. it doesn't help to have his name floating around your mind because you and your husband are at odds now. You need to think about the positive and the negative in the situation. My husband is a computer nerd, a control freak, a vid game geek and really bad at understanding my feelings. But on the other hand, he takes care of me when I'm sick, I don't have to worry about him cheating on me because he loves me, and I know that he's there when I need him the most. Communication is key. Sit down and talk to him and beat him over the head with this until he fixes it. Then if it doesn't work, consider divorce.

Answer 5

Have you ever considered why he is an old flame? They fact is your old flame is probably in his own relationship and if he is willing to cheat on that then maybe he will just toss you to the side after like an old coke can. If you cheat once it makes next time a lot easier to do it again. Your husband have you even tried to get into a discussion with this, have you told him how you feel in your marriage? Have you even told him about the phone number you keep? And cheating on a marriage that you took lifelong vows that is not something to throw away lightly just because you feel a bit bored.

Answer 6

Sounds like your experiencing in this case the "10" year itch....okay just remember every person has a right to happiness. Sounds like your not happy with your husband and you have outgrown him....was this helped along by the old flame, even so, do what is necessary in your relationship with your husband for you to be happy, after that is settled, if the flame is still around then go have some fun.

Answer 7

First of all make sure you throw the phone number away because despite your current situation with your husband you don't want to start another relationship friendship or not. I think you should take your husband somewhere quiet and really tell him how you are feeling. Tell him you are really getting worried that you see him acting the way he is acting and it is making you question your marriage. Be calm and very honest. Tell him you don't want a divorce or you don't want to be with anyone else but the thought has crossed your mind. not that you would follow through with it but if things don't change you will not be able to continue and maintain your love for him. Just be honest and tell him it is really affecting your life. Then ask him if there is anything you need to change,

Answer 8

You should share your concerns about sex with your husband. If you have never complained before, he probably things he's a sex god and there is nothing wrong. Get some sex toys or pornos and show him how it's done. Try to find some fun things you and your husband can do together.

Throw the cell phone number away. The grass really ISN'T greener on the other side. You just need to spice it up with your hubby.

Answer 9

that's a really hard question to ask. Only you know the answer. I left my ex. 2 months later he was begging me back. I had nothing to lose seeing that I gave up everything to be with him, than again everything when I left him. I gave it another shot. Things are so much better now. I'm 23, he's 45. He's finally grown up! I wish you the best of luck figuring out what you need to do. But you'll know for sure when the time is right.

Answer 10

Well... where is your COMMUNICATION?... If you are married... U need to talk things through! COMMUNICATE!!!!! I say go out to dinner or sit at home WHATEVER is more comfy... and talk to him about how you feel... Was he immature when you married him? if so they Y DID YOU GET MARRIED?... As for the SEX part... try introducing toys/movies or if your up for it ask him for a third party... sometimes guys get off with that stupid ****... but yeah... I mean it spices things up a little bit and also lets you have your ISSUES solved... Which can be very good! ;) ... Anyways... DON'T just get a divorce cuz this old flame is back! That's just ridiculous. And it is OKAY to still hang out with OLD FLAMES/OLD friends... even if it is a man. If your man is truelly husband material he wouldn't get upset with you hanging out with ur man-friend. If he does get upset that's just lame, and I'd see ur point in his immature-ness... and I'd be saying leave his ***. But seriously do you honestly want to give up your marriage for something that may not come about (meaning ur flame N u). ?? ... I wouldn't give up 10yrs for that... I'd definately try talking it out with a specialist! GOOD LUCK! Keep ur head on ur shoulders and don't pull a stupid stunt outta thin air. Hopefully things pan out~!

Answer 11

The two should not be answered together. You shouldn't jump from one to the other. Your relationship with your husband is something you need to decide on long and hard. Don't leave because you feel there is "something's better around the corner".

The grass is always greener on the other side. The old flame may seem like " all your prayers answered", but no relationship is perfect.