need advice on my husbands exwife?

Question

my Tim has joint custody and set court orders for visitation with his exwife for their 8yr old son.The problem is whenever she gets a new bf she wants to change the visitation schedule around to accommodate her.The court order is set up so Tim has his son every other day from after school till 7pm and every other weekend.Tim allways follow this unless there is an emergency.His ex routinely calls 15 mins before we are to bring him home to tell us she will be late and we have to bring him home later or will call us to come and get him earlier from her..Most of the time shes only late by 30 mins or so but there are times when she wants him to keep him like whole days which interfers with our plans.The worse part is Tim allows this to happen and will not say a thing to her or even asks me if its ok.He will not say anything to her as he is afriad to confront her and make "problems" for his son.I think hes just afraid of her period and allowing her to control us.

should i just drop this?If i push this it will turn into a major fight between tim and me and i will not win

Answer 1

Your right - you won't win this. The problem that I see isn't the fact that the ex is 15 minuets late all the time...the problem is that Tim doesn't acknowledge the fact that this inturrupts your life - and regardless of his relationship with his ex, is disrespectable to you. This needs to be discussed in a calm manner between the two of you - and instead of looking at him to fix the problem. Let him know what your expectations are and how you will handle the situation in the future - for example: You love spending time with the son, but if the ex is late, instead of waiting for her you are going to drive home and she will have to make arrangements to pick the kid up. Same thing if she decides to "make plans" and needs you to watch him - he needs to tell her that you already have plans made and and altering them for her isn't an option.
It sounds like your issue is that your husband has two women in his life (even if one is the ex) and he "chooses her" when he disrupts your schedule to cover the kid.
I dealt with this as well and finally ended the relationship because I chose not to deal with his nonsense any longer. It's tough when kids are involved - but Tim needs to lay clear boundries for the ex or you will never be happy.

Answer 2

His child is always going to come first. He probably enjoys any time he can get with him. Yes his ex is taking advantage but your husband loves his son. He should show you more respect by talking over the arrangements that come up. It' probably hard though because it's always last minute. Your between a rock and a hard place and I do feel for you. Just keep discussing it with your husband. After all when you've made plans he should try to follow through with them. He needs to let the ex know he has plans and that she has to be there to pick up the child. If she isn't dependable then your husband needs to set up another day for his child to visit. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Does all of it sound like an inconvenience? specific. Is it nicely worth any combat? No. i know your husband for stepping to the plate. for sure, mom would not completely care approximately her son, and pa is an quite worrying individual. I mean, come on! the single that is definitely going to go through is the youngster. think of putting your self in his place - and your mom is continuously frightening your recurring as though she would not want you. suitable now, your dad is offering you a shelter, and a place the place you are the form one precedence. How could you sense if by surprise dad became making it such as you have been an inconvenience to him, too? isn't it no longer ordinary adequate for him to have 2 seperate residences? The adverse youngster is shuffled around continuously. enable him someplace to be the place he's form one. specific, it particularly is slightly inconvenient for you. and that i understand the place you sense such as you at the instant are not considered, yet you knew this going right into a dating consisting of your now husband that he had a son from a prior marriage. and that i'm specific you knew there could be situations that if it got here right down to a call between you and the son, you are able to lose. in actuality, decrease the guy a ruin. in the day and age the place the fathers tend to be no longer as in contact as they must be, your husband is being a spectacular father. would not that make you sense extra useful understanding that as quickly as(if) you have young ones he would be an in contact father? I say enable it circulate and chew your tongue approximately it. perhaps tell your husband that at situations you sense like he helps his ex to stroll throughout him, yet go away it at that. by using fact if given a call between his son and his new spouse, the hot spouse will lose. . .

Answer 4

This is a situation that is going to be deeper for you than you may be saying. Getting involved with a man who has a child with another woman automatically creates emotional distress for the new woman. You will have to start to look at his child as your child if you really want to be with him. This means accepting there will be inconveniences to your plans because of the child. If he makes a fuss at her it is the child who ends up feeling like the problem. Someone has to be bigger in this situation. What you should do is start to keep a record of each event that goes outside of the agreed declarations. Keep a record of each new boyfriend and maybe even how long they are in the picture. Discuss with your husband if he would like to obtain full custody of the child and use her inconsistency to your favor. I do not think it is about fear of her to him, but a desire to not lose his son. He isn't afraid of losing him to his ex but losing him because he wasn't there no matter what she has going on. He is teaching his son that he is more important to him than bickering with her over what the son will soon see, which is that she is not dedicated to loving him first and that she is using him, if he does not already see it. It is a challenge for you but you have to put the child and your husband first before your own feelings on this one.

Answer 5

Tim's child came before you and should be put before you and that is as it should be. In fact, it sounds to me like he should maybe sue for for custody because of the ex wife putting her boyfriends ahead of her son. In this situation, you will have to play second fiddle and be OK with that. I mean no rudeness, but that is just the way it is.

Answer 6

have your husband tell his lawyer asap, and document everything the ex does. If she tries anything negative against your husband, you have the proof she is interfering with the visitation. TELL the lawyer

Answer 7

maybe he wants the extra time with his son. he may not make a fuss about it because he doesn't want his son to think that dad doesn't want to be bothered with him anymore and its mom's turn. mom is making huge mistakes by pawning him off on dad, but this will make father and son's relationship stronger. put yourself in your husbands shoes and try not to be so selfish.