The divorce process started in October and will end in a month. Meanwhile, my Mom has left the country with me and my brother. She has just found a boyfriend (which is NOT the reason she divorced, supposedly). She's asking for us to keep it a secret from my Dad and grandparents. My mom says it's because she doesn't want to hurt my Dad's feelings, but I'm not so sure. I really really want to tell my Dad because I hate it when we have secrets. I also want to prove that I still love my Dad even though my mom has a boyfriend. Next week I'm going to spend a week with my Dad, and my mom has asked me not to mention anything about the boyfriend. My questions are: Should I tell my Dad? and If I told my Dad, would it make a difference in the court and all?
And just to make it worse, my mom left my Dad because he had a girlfriend. So it can't be that bad if she has one before the divorce process is complete, right?
2006-12-15 02:46:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce is rough on children
If they have GF/BF is their business
just let them both know you love them, but try not to get causght in the middle
2006-12-15 02:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It won't matter to the court unless she is letting him spend the night with her while you kids are there. If they aren't having sex, she's not doing anything wrong. Do you KNOW if they are actually having sex?
What your mom does now is really none of your Dad's business. By the same token, what your dad does now is none of your mom's business.
I'd suggest you not say anything to your dad. When your mom thinks it's ok for him to know, she can tell him--that's why they are the parents. Don't put yourself in these positions--just be a kid and try to have fun and don't worry about what they do--i know it's hard at this time, but it will get easier!
Good luck to you!
BTW--if it makes you feel better you can know this--I got a 'boyfriend' before my divorce was final and we never sleot together until AFTER my divorce was final. So, have a bit of faith in your mom until she proves otherwise.
2006-12-15 03:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my very old fashioned take on this. Your mom is still married to your dad until the divorce is final, and as such, should remain faithful to him. Having a boyfriend and justifying it because her husband had a girlfriend is still wrong, 2 wrongs do not make a right. However, I would NOT tell your dad, unless he asks you straight out. It's honestly not your business. I don't know if it would make a difference in court or not. Trust me though, your dad will find out eventually anyway. Good luck.
2006-12-15 02:51:48 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally... that situation SUCKS!!!! My parents have separated... for almost 2yrs now... and are still LEGALLY MARRIED. They have both been seeing other ppl. And yet they can't figure out if they want a divorce, or actually want to get back together.? So yeah... CONFUSING as hell. They are always putting me in the middle, I'm 21, living on my own, and living in a totally different state at that. They constantly call and ask about the other, so you know the love is still there.. lol, but yet they want something else. I do let them know what is up with the other... cuz I HATE being in the middle! Sooo.. my point is (to them) if they don't want me to tell each other what's up then they need to get their fingers outta their buttz and actually talk about it themselves!!! SO YES... I'd say if your dad ASKS only if he asks then let him know, cuz if ur like me u hate lie-ing or going around the truth... so yeah let him know... It shouldn't be a secret, especially if your mom wanted out of the marriage, then it's her life now and theres nothing ur dad can do... so yeha? hmm... anyways... GOOD LUCK! STAY STRONG! If you ever need to chat email me :) ... Bye:)
2006-12-15 02:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by sweetsuezq4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u said that your mom don't want u to tell your dad because she don't want to hurt your dads feelings....(that don't sound right). i think there is some other reason why she don't want them to know. if u made a promise to your mom that you wont tell then i wouldn't tell him. but at the same time i think your dad has a right to know...i don't think it will make any difference with the courts now that the divorce will be final in a month.you don't have to prove anything to your dad...he knows u love him just like u know he will always love u unconditional
2006-12-15 04:41:30 · answer #5 · answered by Starbright 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't think it's right to have a bf/gf if you are still married, even if you are separated. But aside from that, it will be much better if you stay out of it all together. This is between your parents and it could work in reverse and blow up in your face. It won't make a difference in court, believe me. I've witnessed several divorce court cases first hand with my own and with relatives and the judge didn't even consider those things. Also, it won't prove to your dad that you still love him. Your actions toward him apart from this situation is what proves your love towards him.
2006-12-15 02:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by rugbee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are going through a hard time. I'm sorry you parents are acting this way. My parents divorced when I was in college and more than 15 years later it still affects me. I am reading a book that might be helpful to you either now or in the long run, give it a look.
"The Love They Lost" by Stephanie Staal
Good luck.
2006-12-15 09:51:51 · answer #7 · answered by I'm Trying 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When there are kids involved, it's very dangerous to start dating before the divorce is final because it can give a judge a good reason to give custody to the other parent. In other words, if your dad finds out, he can take custody away from your mom.
2006-12-15 03:22:31 · answer #8 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As your parents are divorcing each other shortly it really makes no difference whether you tell your dad or not. Grow up and learn keep a secret specially when you are requested not to tell. Had I been in your place I would have said to my parents I love you and that I just dont want to know what you do.
2006-12-15 02:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by rams 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, sometimes divorces can take a while, and sometimes people meet other people, so its not uncommon. my parents divorce dragged on for almost a year. they both started seeing other people before it was finalized. i was like, look, you guys know its over, you havent lived together for a few years, its only marriage on paper, so why deny yourself companionship?
if she left your father because he was cheating then it shouldnt make a difference if she's seeing someone, but she might still want to keep your father's feelings in mind, and since its so close to the holidays, it would be a horrible time for him to have his heart ripped out because knowing your mom is seeing someone else is like saying "its truely over, she's over me, she found someone else" and why make him have to deal with that on top of a divorce right before the holidays? if she asked you not to say anything, then dont say anything. its not your place. let them deal with everything in their own way, it will help with the healing process for everyone.
2006-12-15 02:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't mention it. Your mom may not want you to tell you dad because of the pending divorce. My advice, stay out of the parents-relationship affairs...it will make it easier on you in the long run and you wont be stuck in the middle. Just tell them it's none of your business and that you don't want to know what they do.
2006-12-15 02:50:44 · answer #11 · answered by SamIam82 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋