Cheating on spouse?!?

Question

We have been having a debate about spouses cheating. I believe that generally speaking that a woman will not cheat unless she is unhappy in her marriage. Most people seem to agree. However, about men, I keep getting conflicting answers. Some men say that all men will cheat if given the opportunity whether they are in a happy marriage or not. Others say that they would not cheat unless they are unhappy at home. So, what is the truth? And if the truly happy man will cheat, WHY???

Answer 1

happy or not ...if there is an invite...we want to come to the party. whether we make it or not is up to us. id say I'm happy for the most part...nice house, couple dogs, new vehicles, big yard..you know all the good stuff. the only thing that's lacking is the bedroom activity. before we were married the sex was fun, and spontaneous, now its routine and sometimes scheduled. its not exciting or a rush like it once one. keep in mind Ive only been married for a year and a half and saying this. Ive been flirting back and forth with a married girl my age and we talk on the phone during lunch....and we mention a lot of sexual innuendo's but never do anything ya know....so we are toeing the line, almost testing to see how far the other will go. she babysits and yesterday she said her husband got a new playboy and one girl had a tattoo that said respect over her crotch...well the girl told me she wanted to get one there too, and i went to her house and she showed me the mag. i mean..it seems like we are both testing and teasing, and that was opportunity knocking....yet we are new friends. so as a married man of 22, id say its hard not to think with my lusting thoughts and elevated libido, Ive always hated cheaters now it seems like i may become one, but i love my wife and yet i still desire a chance in bed with the other woman.

maybe its b/c my parents split when i was young and my mom put the blam on my father saying he cheated....im not gonna ask cause its odd but maybe its b/c my mom didnt try new things. maybe thats why im so screwed up now with my situation
i still hate cheaters

Answer 2

When we enter into a relationship, we don’t think about a cheating spouse or how we would catch a cheating spouse if we had one! Instead we look forward to knowing that there is another person in our life. When we begin a relationship, we know we have someone who will be there when we get home from work, visit our family, and help us through life’s difficult times. The possibility that our spouse will cheat is rarely considered, much less what to do if cheating occurs. Unfortunately, due to modern technology and society’s increasing permissiveness, the promises that are made when two people enter into a committed relationship can be easily broken. There are many ways for a person to cheat on their spouse. Knowing these will help anyone catch a cheating spouse! The five most common behaviors of a cheating spouse are: Cheating spouses begin to appear distant and irritable. They care less about some routine issues and are easily upset by others. They may be feeling the stress that accompanies maintaining deceptive behavior in a relationship. Angry behavior can be self serving; the cheating spouse may feign being upset so they can indignantly storm out of the house. They are absent for long periods of time. Computer time increases without explanation. The internet has exploded with websites dedicated to helping people meet for coffee, dinner, and just about anything else. A cheating spouse will spend large blocks of time on the computer, sometimes when the faithful spouse is asleep. When asked about activity online, the cheating spouse may become evasive or defensive because they don’t want to disclose what they have been doing. Also, they will delete their website search history to avoid detection. Phone communication becomes unusual and raises suspicions. When someone calls, and the faithful spouse answers, the caller hangs up. In addition to being rude, this could be a wrong number, or it could be someone who only wants to speak to the cheating spouse. If the cheating spouse does answer the phone, they speak in a whisper or they quickly hang up. If anyone asks who called or if there was a number on the caller ID, the cheating spouse doesn’t answer the question, or they erase the caller’s phone number immediately after ending the call. Cheating spouses suddenly develop uncharacteristic interests, for example, man who spends Sunday watching sports on television may begin to claim an interest in attending a museum exhibit or participating in an outdoor cultural event. Conversely, a woman who has continually expressed a lack of interest in sports will unexpectedly have knowledge of a specific sport, or she will be able to discuss the history of a team’s performance in that sport. Money becomes an issue in unexpected ways. The faithful spouse sees a credit-card statement listing new vendor names or expenses, a notice detailing a newly revised cell-phone calling plan, or a change in the amount of money being deposited into a joint account.

Answer 3

I love how stupid men are thought to be.
I don't think cheating has anything to do with if you are a man or a woman. The whole crock about "woman will not cheat unless she is unhappy in her marriage" is an excuse because no one is happy in their marriage 100% of the time. So all any man has to do is wait and approach a woman when she is unhappy and they can get her. Yup, there is no brain in the woman's head or moral character to help her make decisions it all just timing.

There are men out there that are very proud of being a husband and father and would never cross that line into having an affair. There are also women that think the same way. The issue of affairs is not a weakness in either sex, a potential flaw in human nature like drinking. Some people lack the strength of character to do what is right and other are strong enough to resist.

I see people as people and by being people they are flawed. Saying any sub group of people is better than another or more virtuous than another leads to discrimination and is wrong. Haven't we learn that no group of any sort is better than any other yet?

The whole premise of your arguement seems to be skrewed. Cheating is a SELFISH act. Cheating is all about getting what one wants with little to no concern about their partner. If a person is very selfish they can be seen as self centered. If a person is self centered the world is seen to be here for there pleasure. If this is your mind set then your spouse will be seen as slowing down your funny to which you should be unhappy with them. Right their you can see how self-centered selfish people can make them selves unhappy and thus give them the excuse to have an affair. It has nothing to do with if they are a man of a woman its all about being selfish.

BTW, I think women are as vile and disgusting as men and in the same note can also be as wise, caring, compasionate, trusting, loving, protective and fair as men. We are all human and to blame any fault of human nature on the other sex is sexist.

Answer 4

Correct, a woman will cheat if she is unhappy in her marriage. A man on the other hand, does not have to be in an unhappy marriage, stress will do it and if he is provoked from an woman in an unhappy marriage. I know first hand. going through it now.
His excuse was not that he did not love me, because he did then and he does now. She was the instigator, and because he was completely stressed out, it was like she took him away into another world and they screwed each others brains out in the back of her truck in a brooks parking lot at 12am after work. So you see, It all depends on the person. But, I always say once a cheater always a cheater, and that remain true no matter who it is.

Answer 5

Um - you will never get a satisfactory answer, I'm afraid. See, it's such an ego thing with men that a great many of us will lie, and even when caught will still lie about this topic. I can only give you my experiences after sixty years' living with and loving a number of women.

Women will cheat as often as men, but rarely out of revenge. They do it out of curiosity, the thrill of risk-taking, and simply because they enjoy variety in bed. Remember, that appies only to the women I've known, though I suspect they are quite representitive of all women.

Men, even happily-married men, will do it for the same reason: variety, the thrill of doing something forbidden, and because they're bored. This does NOT apply to every man, and even less to happily married men - but cheaters come from all walks of life and from both the best and the worst of marriages.

Answer 6

I dont know why people cheat, I would like to know too. I have been cheated on and there was the feedback that it wasnt cheating because it was only an email, however in the email there were things that should only be said to the mate. I dont think there is really any valid excuse or reason it should just be that if you love someone then you be with that person and if you feel your love has run out then you shouldnt be with them anymore.

Answer 7

I honestly think it depends on the man. There are guys out there who are married, who probably have no business being married, because they feel the need to have sex with any woman with legs. But I think for the bulk of men, if they are having an affair, it's because something is wrong in the marriage. I think a man who is truly happy and content within his marriage has absolutely no reason to jeopardize that in any way, nor would he want to. My husband and I have been married for 19 years, and he's never cheated.

Answer 8

Some will, some won't. I think there is some biology there driving the "spreading the seed". That doesn't mean men don't have free will, it's still a choice. For what it's worth, I have found that as I've gotten older, more self-assured the tempation has been less, even though my sex-drive is still high. I think cheating has everything to do with insecurity.

Answer 9

Happy or not, given the opportunity most men will cheat.

Answer 10

Males don't cheat more that females, there's research proving that. The difference is that males stupidly talk to their friends about it and females keep it their infidelity to themselves. The question is whether or not you honor you wedding vows. Those that don't, cheat ... those that do, don't ... ever! I've been married for nearly 30 years (to the same woman) and, while opportunities have come up, I remain faithful. If you can't abide by the promise you make to each other, in front of God and witnesses, don't get married! It's pretty simple!!