Future mother in law and gossip?

Question

How can I deal with my mother in law and her gossiping ways? She's not trying to hurt people on purpose because she's also shared her personal problems to everyone, but it bothers me that she gossips (even the bad things) about my future brother in law and his girlfriend and her parents, etc. and everyone else to me. My mother always told me that if someone is gossiping to you about someone, they are doing the same to you behind your back. I fell for her "you can talk to me anytime about anything" and had me and my fiance's business spread throughtout the whole state of LA. We've worked out our problem months ago, and she's still bringing it up to people! I've overheard her myself. I don't tell her my problems anymore, I'd rather come on here and vent if I have something to say or talk to my fiance'. He's very quiet and reserved, so am I. How can I let her know(respectfully), that I don't want to discuss or hear about anyone's business (especially if it's bad)??

Answer 1

I think you are doing right by not discussing your business with her anymore. You can't really tell her what to do (like stop gossiping) witout making her mad. If I were you and she started to gossip about someone to you, I would stop her mid sentence and say "no offence but this is really non of my business" and change the topic... keep in mind everyone will know that you inturupted her, and she probably won't say why since that would make her look bad, but at least you won't have to deal with it anymore.

Answer 2

Why are you so inclined to suppose that it is your FMIL who's spreading the gossip while your excellent buddy has already informed you that it is NOT your FMIL however the neighbor who has mentioned this? It sounds to me like you're watching for a rationale not to like her. I believe you will have to speak for your FMIL and inform her what you heard. She demands to understand what your neighbor is announcing, and also you must cope with this like an grownup. If you progress out and "run away" from this predicament now, you're environment a precedent for all long term conflicts with this girl. And she is NOT going away. You are marrying her son, so she can be there for so long as she is alive. The 2 of you must be in a position to get alongside. I could endorse that you simply cope with this to her as though you're accusing the neighbor, no longer her, however inform her what you heard and ask if any of what the neighbor is announcing is right. If she truthfully thinks you are no longer a well housekeeper and she or he is involved approximately her son's health, then I believe you will have to speak to her and ask her why she feels this fashion. If you do not cope with this now, it will trouble you for the leisure of your lifestyles.

Answer 3

Sounds like my MIL. I tried to let her know I didn't appreciate hearing about other people behind their backs, she said she understood but still does it. I just let it go in one ear and out the other now. Some people you just can't change. If you need to vent, I've started a yahoo group for people coping with mothers in law. If you're interested, email me and I'll send you the info.
Good luck!

Answer 4

thats a situation that will be a bad one at first but she will get over it! i would very kindly say look i love you cause your family but i def. don't appreciate how you told everyone my business i confinded in you to talk not to tell everyone so my trust in confiding in you is gone but you can get it back (give her some hope) and let her know that she needs to stop worring about other peoples lives and worry about her own becuase she probley doesn't realize all of her problems because shes too busy talking about others! and if she gets mad just let he rknow that your not being mean or hurtful you just can't live with not being able to trust her because you love her! that to a mother in law is very warming! good luck!

Answer 5

I would sit down, and say to her directly.... do you know why I dont talk to you anymore, because you gossip. I want to have you in my life, but I dont want to talk about other people. I want to talk about you and I, and our family. And just explain to her that you dont stand for it. You fiance needs to do the same. You will risk being called names, but you can probably assume that she is doing that anyway. Just make sure that you take a stand on it that is right for you. The only person you are accountable to is you, and your fiance next.

Answer 6

Just change teh subject or don't respond at all. Never gave your opinion about anybody's problems in fron of her because then she will tell that you said this and that about X or Y. Don't do it.

Now that you have learned first hand about her tongue lashing problem, then simply avoid giving your opinion and change the subject. If you confront her about it, she might feel offended and resent you, and trust me, you don';t want to start a family feud with your MIL.

They say: If you don't open your mouth, no fly will get in it".

Good luck

Answer 7

some people are inclined to gossip and i would be careful what i would say to her. she will probably turn a hello into a hell no! i guess you can try to talk to her but she likely isn't going to change.

Answer 8

You say to her just exactly what you said here. "I really don't want to discuss or hear about other people's business, and I really don't like talking negatively about others."

Answer 9

Tell her you don't feel comfortable knowing this information. She should "get it".
Glad you learned about how she was with your business, sorry it had to go that way.

Answer 10

yes tell her that God won;t give anyone who talk bad beyond someone back and never tell her your problems again, my mom like that and again i find out now i never tell her any thing