My husband always thinks he's right..........double standards with daughter???

Question

My husband has a 16 yr. old daughter which is the root of most of our arguments. She lies and has weekly jobs around the house.
Weekly she procrastinates and trys to get out of the little work she has to do around the house and we have to get on her about it or it won't get done. She will lie and go to great lengths to get out of doing a little work and it stesses me out week after week . I tell my husband about the lack of cooperation and him like a dog with his tail between his legs tells her what she needs to do but he never really gets on her and so week after week we go through the same old thing. Last night I got on my husband about it and instead of him dealing with the situation of his daughter he gets angry at me and storms off. This always happens when we argue. He says I accuse him of things and that makes him angry when he gets accused but yet his daughter called him a liar and that is fine. He said me accusing him upsets him more because i'm his wife I think BS.

Answer 1

Stay out of it. Change her jobs to something that doesn't bother you if it doesn't get done. Something that affects her and her father would be ideal. Don't get upset and don't interfere either your husband will grow a backbone on his own or the daughter will spiral out of control. Neither of which is your problem. The only time I would speak up is if she is going to harm you or one of the other children. Just think, only 2 more years and she will be gone :)

Answer 2

You are the flip side of my situation and I empathize. My wife has a 17 yr old daughter and I have the same perspective as you. Here are some things you may want to consider. Don't know if it will help much, but it may help you to better strategize, and hopefully, avoid the mistakes I made (and still make). You don't say anything about bio-mom, but I suspect that she may be part of the issue as well. Divorced parents are constantly being split in the discipline department because of their unique politics and unresolved (sometimes unresolvable) marital issues. Your husband may be loath to consequence his daughter because of this dynamic between his ex. If step-daughter gets the feeling she's being unfairly treated by daddy (whether this is accurate or not) she can bail and live with mom. If you share physical custody, this problem may be exacerbated by the sometimes corrupting influences of his ex - a sabotaging of the integrity of your family dynamic. Whenever I bring up issues as you do, I become the "bad guy always seeing the worst," or, "looking for fault," or, "never satisfied." I suspect this is probably true for you as well. You're in a tough situation where being "between a rock and a hard place" is an apt description. It seems that there needs to be relationship building between you and step-daughter. I would recommend that you readjust your goal for her to step up with the chores and focus on how you and she can share some of these moments in a sort of kinder instructive mode. Dad should absolutely take part in these sessions as well (no, it should not have to fall solely on your shoulders). Remember that if you can capture her heart, you will probably not have these other issues so prominently. As your family takes part in working together, chores get done, daughter learns not just how to clean and take part, but you are all also sharing family time, sharing pride in one's home and, sharing the great feeling of jobs well done. Good luck - I hope you have better success.

Answer 3

you're keen to provide up your marriage on your daughter’s sake. It similar like women purely don’t Honer their husbands any extra. What ought to akin to be no longer something to you're a large deal with your husband. the reality of the type is that your husband is bored to death because of your daughter unruly ideas. Manners and appreciate is what's lacking contained in the houses to day. Do you're taking your daughter's aspects? if so you're out of line. Why? using the undeniable fact that stands out because the fueling aspect on your daughter to disrespect her father. a baby might want to in no way and that i say in no way arise and sq. off adversarial to their be certain. coach your daughter a thanks to keep her mouth shout at the same time as her father is chatting with her. it truly is an excellent get at the same time of a house that's starting up to fall down. do not alongside your position to be destroyed. Getting all A's isn't ok, how about some good old trend manners to bypass with the A's. You discuss counseling i imagine your daughter needs an excellent spanking.

Answer 4

she's living in your house right? If I were you, I would just refuse to do your chores as well. Let the house GO to crap, don't do laundry, don't do dishes, etc. At some point, someone will notice, and you can just say that you weren't in the mood. Your husband will be the one to ask you, and at that point, dish it back at him, get upset at him that he would have the nerve to nag you about this. That will open his eyes for him to see exactly how he is treating you. Once he sees this, then you can talk about it more reasonably, include the stepdaughter. On the other hand, be sure that you aren't being too harsh with her, be sure you are being fair and acting like you would with your own child. Being a stepparent is tough sometimes, I am one too....but unless you and the Dad are on the same page, the problems will snowball.

Answer 5

being a step parent is hard. that being said, you really can't do any disciplining of the daughter. just leave it alone. is her doing the weekly chores worth having tension in your marriage? does she like you? if not she might see this as an opportunity to get between you and your husband. kids are always trying to push the line. if her chore is something tolerable you could live with not having done for a while. just let it go. when it gets sooo bad don't say anything about it, just bite your tongue. let it be your husband that brings it up to her.

Answer 6

He is probably leanient on her because he feels guilty! He probably feels like he hurt her, and left some scarring because he is no longer with her mother. But, he is not doing her any good, by giving in to her. He is teaching her that it is ok to use people to your advantage to get away with stuff!! It needs to be nipped in the bud, because it can start with chores, and then end up with drugs. You need to all sit down down and have a family meeting. You need guidelines, all of you, so that you all know what is expected, and you all know and understand the rules and laws of the house, and the consequences for breaking them. Have an open forum, so that you can all get to the root of the problem. But, it is so important that you and he stand firm together on this. And, somehow he needs to understand that. He has married you, and you are the mother role model when she is in your house. She needs to know her boundaries and where they are. And, it can be done alone, but it is so much easier and more successful when it is a united front!! Good Luck!! Raising kids is hard enough, without having parents at odds over the simple things!

Answer 7

Tell him she needs to get a job. Or tell him your hiring a housekeeper and he has to pay for it. If you can't come to an agreement about how to handle her, then tell him as she gets older she'll get in trouble and possibly go to jail and he will not be able to control her. Check with your local police department and see what programs they have for troubled teens and letting them talk to those that cant change the fact that they are in jail. Tell him you just want her to know that there are rules in life and you will suffer the consequences if you don't stick by them. This might sound like your gonig to far but in the long run it will help out.

Answer 8

Don't nag! Ask her to do certain chores and if she doesn't, leave it. When your husband notices he is living in a pig sty, tell him these were his daughters responsibilities and evidently she felt she didn't need to be a part of the family and do them. Suggest that maybe he should do them for her. Be as sweet as you can, how can he argue with that and when he tires of doing her chores he will get firm with her. If not well then he does them and you are not stressed out. Sweetness is so much better than yelling.....

Answer 9

He act just like he don't want you saying anything to his daughter. She doesn't respect you and you are in titled to that because that is you house too. You have you input. It is like this, if the father doesn't make his daughter mind then why in the world would she listen to you. It is not right. You all need to have a family meeting. This could cause you and your husband to separate if this gets to far out of hand.

Answer 10

This is what I would do. If the daughter needs clean clothes tell her, "You know where the washer is." If she needs to eat tell her,"You know where the kitchen is." If she needs money tell her,"Start helping around the house and work for it." She'll probably throw a fit but stand your ground. Maybe after she has to fend for herself for awhile she'll be a little more appreciative.