Can't Deal w/ Husband's New Relationship?

Question

My husband and I are in the process of divorce. He is currenlty living w/ the mother of his new baby whom he left me for. This woman, whenever they breakup, has harrassed me and threatened me with physical violence. She has even harrassed me on the job to let me know that she was pregnant.

My ex and I have a civil relationship that only deals with our son. Its literally "You picking up Jordan today?", "Yes"!

Last night was my son's Christmas pagent. His dad is away for two weeks fishing (his job) and his girlfriend comes in with the new baby in the rain and sits right behind me...I got my son and left.

Am I overreacting for thinking this was highly inappropriate. We have a hostile relatioship and she wants to come to his recital BY HERSELF because....????AND sits right behind me.

My son's teacher thinks I'm being unreasonable...was I?

Those who say I'm playing into her hand are absolutely correct. I have NO IDEA how to handle this, I've never been in a situation with a dirty person before.

How to not lose all control (which I did when I got home, I smashed up good). The stress is going to kill me!!!! Any ways to work on that too.

Great answers and I thank you all.

Answer 1

yes, you done what she wanted. Next time,, try to kill her with sugar. You get more of a response by treating someone nice than being ugly. Next time she is around, be so nice that sugar wouldn't melt in your mouth. Who knows, maybe she just needs a friend. I know that you don't want to hear this but it's true. She could be a really nice person. Your ex probably just lied to you about everything. Maybe she didn't know u were married until the last minute...after she was pregnant. Maybe she jsut said the things she did because he pushed her to do them. Sounds like your ex stays fishing alot because of his job, so, be her friend and find out everything about what is going on. She will talk...I promise. Nothing would make your ex more mad than if he found out you guys were best buds. Usually things like this are never the females fault anyway. He started it...she was just there. Next time she comes to something like that..invite her to sit with you. Maybe she really does care about you son. She needs to if she is going to be in his life. Try to look at this in a good way. Be positive, but always be on your guard. You will be able to tell if she is just using you and whatnot. Take care and be careful!
BTW.....Any friction you guys cause is just going to come back on your son. Don't let that happen!

Answer 2

It's just a lot going on that's all. The people that your talking to about this doesn't understand how serious this Is between the two of you, they are not on the phone when she Is talking to you. I'm sure It feels like your in between a rock and a hard place. It's very hard to get along with someone that can't respect you for who you are,she seems like when there Is no drama In her life she has to make It. I go through more than this with my fiance's ex wife and they have children together and listen when I tell you, she's not planning on making your life easy anytime soon. It's very hard but you got to find some way of Ignoring her because If every time you go somewhere and she shows up and you leave you are going to be running for a long time. Seems like she can't stand competition even If It's his ex. She seriously needs some counseling but for protection you need to be very aware of these physical threats and the law Is very much going to be on your side.....stay blessed

Answer 3

The teacher is going to say that because it is the politically correct thing to say. Your husbands mistress-whore is not your your son's mother and that is how is sounds as if she is trying to pass her self of as the mother and trying to take your place. She had no business showing up at all. If your sons father wanted to go then he should have been there, not sending his mistress-whore in his place.

On the other hand, by you getting up and leaving, you are letting his mistress-whore know what buttons she has to push in order to get a reaction from you. I bet your son was dissapointed to. The best reation is no reaction. Who knows if they will stay together, most likely not but for the time being you have to deal with your husbands mistress-whore. Don't give her the upper hand, you are the better person and start showing it in your actions. You don't care about the mistress-whore!!! Take care....

Answer 4

I can understand your frustration but think about it this way. You will have to deal with this woman for the rest of your sons life you are connected. It probably would pay off if you were able to dig down dip and suck it up. That is what us women do when dealing with unreasonable situations. I know it isn't fair but, what other choice do you have. Either you look like a mad woman getting frustrated over her childish ways or you be a woman about yours and brush it off like women have been doing for centuries .....

Answer 5

It sounds like she is very insecure in her relationship with your ex and she is making sure you know that he 'belongs' to her. It is like being at school, be polite smile, act as if her silly actions do not bother you, act like the strong person here. She will soon realize that her actions are not affecting you, and like a kid at school, she will soon stop. She doesn't like the fact that you are on good terms with your ex and that probably frightens her. She is trying to cause trouble between you and your ex. Don't let her.

Also, her coming to see your sons play. What you should of done is turned around to her smiled and said "Oh, how wonderful you have come to support xxxxx in his school play, thank you" Let her be the one with egg on her face.
I know it must be hurting inside but, acting the better person will be a great role model for your son. And also make your ex realizes his lost a good woman!

Good luck

Answer 6

You are doing exactly what she wants you to do. Ignore her at ALL times she will soon tire of this game. Do you really think she is going to be around for very long? NO she will be just one of many women in your exs life. Do everything that shows your son you are an adult, he will carry his self in the same manner when he grows up.

Answer 7

These situations are so painful, I am sorry for all you are going through. It does seem inappropriate for her to sit near you given the fact that your relationship with her is not particularly warm or cordial. It does however seem like she made the effort for your SON to support him and show interest in his program. Whatever faults you have with her, the fact that she loves and cares for your son if very important. Good luck.

Answer 8

Do not let this woman bother you. She is actually winning. She gets you upset every time she encounters you and that is her goal. Your son should not have left his Christmas program because of her. You are going to have to be the bigger person in this fiasco. If she came and sat behind you so what.
If you continue to allow her to get to you she is just going to keep trying. If you put your mind to it and not let her bother you then she will stop. Who really is the victim in all of this......your child.

Answer 9

Well the whole thing is still very raw, and she is making things worse by acting this way, but you know why she is doing that, she is jealous. She is threatened that you are still in his life because of your son, and is obviously scared that he will come back to you, so she is behaving that way to try and prove she is the "alpha female". This is winding you up of course, and that is understandable, but you know what, you can feel sorry for her, because she feels she has to behave in this manner to show off. it's all down to her insecurity, laugh it off, as that behaviour is pathetic.

Answer 10

I think the real problem is what else he will find a plague, generally people who are homophobic dont just stop them, their views on alot of stuff will be thin. Obviously you cant force him and the best thing you can do is make him try to understand that his comments does make him look like a fool but be careful since his views on other stuff will be bad too.