Me and my husband live 5 hrs. apart. He wants me to move I don't really know if I want to, even though I told him I would (only once, and it was after a long fight where I just gave up arguing because I couldn't argue anymore) He knows I love my job, and he knows that things are complicated with my son's father. I currently make about 40,000. He has no income right now because he is still in the process of building his new house. He doesn't want me to work when I move, and instead I would go to school, which I have always wanted to do again but I worry he won't be able to make enough to support me and my son and him also, in the way I like to live. I am just getting out of debt, where i worked very hard and am finally getting results. In addition, my son would have to see his father, so I would be driving back and forth (5 hrs. one way) twice a week to pick him and bring him back. I don't know what to do? HELP!!
2006-12-15 01:42:44 · 10 answers · asked by TOO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also I would only be moving until Sept., becuase it was agreed upon that I have to be back here for Lucas to start real school in Sept.....he will not go to school where I would move to
2006-12-15 01:53:46 · update #1
The job market is really bad where he lives, and I would not be able to find a comparable job there, and with all the driving I would not be able to have a steady job. My son's father will not budge on the visitation, and I highly doubt that he will help with the driving, seeing as he works 6 days a week, and will not have time to drive 2.5 hours 2 times a week. The house is being built 5 hours away because when we met his house had burnt down and they have rebuilt it.....and it is technically his mothers, and he will not get full value of the house because they put too much money into it, and owe more money on the house. If he moves here he doesn't want to work because he told me if he has to work I should support him (half of which I think is bull because he would have to work when he moves here, because the cost of living is a lot more, and he knows I can't support him and my son also) along with paying his 2 car payments and house debt.
2006-12-15 01:58:57 · update #2
Mind you also, that my job pays for ALL the health and dental insurance for my whole family, my husband and my son included. They also carry all my life insurance, short term and long term disability, investments, and a lot of other benefits that I would never be able to find in a job that is close to him.
2006-12-15 02:06:57 · update #3
It’s your decision too, not just hubby’s. How did you get in this situation? If he’s not working, why is he in another town? And he’s not working and wants to give up your job? How will you pay the bills? Don’t let him pressure you into doing it. Discuss it calmly with him and go over all the issues.
The driving issue for visitation is a valid point. The person who said ex-hubby will have to share the driving obviously never had an ex take this to court with the argument that the person who created the distance should be responsible for providing the transportation. It’s a valid argument and one the court may very well agree with.
2006-12-15 02:03:06 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, you need to pack up and move with your HUSBAND... See if you can find a job closer that pays the same or close too salary. If he can afford to take care of you while building the house, let him take care of you and if not, then the next time you are together, sit down and COMMUNICATE with him what your needs are and what your concerns are. Dont let fear of the unknown stress your marriage.
He is building a house, so there must be money coming from some where, be it a construction loan, or a large savings account. The man wants you NEAR him.
2006-12-15 01:54:46 · answer #2 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my... here is my advice.
Talk to your son's father and ask him if he would agree to a different type of visitation agreement. Tell him that he can have him throught ou the whole summer and spring break, and that will allow him to spend more quailty uninterrupted quality time with your child. Tell him that that would make ir easier for the child and you due to the impending move.
Move there when the house is finished. Yes, youc an find another job there too.... or there are no other jobs in the world? Yes dear asker, there are other jobs, but true love is hard to come by. If you love him , move, marriage is also compromise and sacrifice and you are doing neither.
Good luck
2006-12-15 01:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why doesn't he move closer to you?
How can he build a new house with no income?
I suggest you give some serious thought about this relationship - is he really what you want for the rest of your life?
A loving husband would find a way not only to be closer to his wife, but never force her into making a choice of her job or him.
2006-12-15 01:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you will move when he earns enough that you can stay home to raise your son and attend school. Until that happens, keep the job you have and stay where you are. Just because he's "the man," doesn't mean it's all about him; you have a child you are responsible for.
2006-12-15 01:50:05 · answer #5 · answered by Roberta 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to decide how vested you are in your marriage if you need to ask this question of strangers. While it's certainly not an easy situation, your husband should be a high priority in your life and that you choose not to live with him is unusual to me. Besides, if you move there, your son's father should share in the driving responsibilities, for instance meeting you either half-way or taking turns.
2006-12-15 01:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by Erika B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are married why in the world is he building a house so far away??? I say stay put and ask him to sell the house when it's finished and buy one where you are at. His plan makes no sense inless he is trying to control your life. You have a lot of thinking to do but as I see it you should go with your plan....
2006-12-15 01:49:41 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everything points to you staying where you are. Things are much easier for you to stay there, why can't he move to where you are? That would make more sense. Good luck. If you decide to stay, he'll have to deal with it.
2006-12-15 01:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um, I wondering why you are married in the first place? Logistically everything seems so out of whack!
2006-12-15 02:37:33 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move.
2006-12-15 01:45:01 · answer #10 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋