How to confront "cheating" husband?

Question

My husband and i had some issues before we got married where he was exchanging inappropriate emails with a girl from his past and i found out. Thought all that was over. Actually didn't even have a computer at home for a long time. Got one in the summer, and this week I discovered that he has an account on an adult match website. He left it logged in and I truly stumbled upon it by accident. His profile says that he isn't looking to change his relationship status because he is married and he is looking to blow off steam. I consider this to be unfaithful... now I am totally obsessed but can't get much more info because this account is linked with an email address i don't have a password for. I feel sick to my stomach, am barely speaking to him and have no idea how to confront him. Especially being the holidays. Any suggestions would really help. I don't feel comfortable yet going to my family or close friends because I don't want things to be strange if we work this out.

Another thing... i have enough information to be able to access this email address... but it will reset his password so he will probably know something is up. Thoughts?

Answer 1

have sex with him, and then suddenly get on his face and take a large dump. now you'll be even.

Answer 2

The first thing I would do is talk with my husband. If the marriage is worth saving I'd expect he would go to counseling with you. It sounds as if there are other underlying problems as well that need to be worked on. The second thing I would do is face to face contact with my "best" friend. Truly, she is no friend or she would have not let this happen or been a part of it. I would be polite to her (give her the respect she should have shown you-be the better person) but she would definitely know that I was crushed to find out a) I could not trust a friend & she was sneaking behind my back b)she would let things go as far as she did c)she did not come to you and let you know that he was e-mailing her e)If I had borrowed items of her's I give them all back at this time f)stand my ground and let her know I can NOT be friends any longer (I don't think I would trust her ever again) g)this would be done in a public restaurant. I would not scream or holler at her or swear. When I had completed what I had to say I'd walk away. GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

Re the email password:

You want to confront him. What do you have to lose by accessing his email account? You're invading his privacy, but you're acting on evidence, not suspicion. It'll unsettle him, which will soften him up for confrontation, and if he feels that his email accounts aren't secure it may help curtail his behaviour. He might confront you about it, which saves you confronting him and you can tell him why you did it. If you find anything incriminating you can print it out and confront him with hard evidence. If you find nothing incriminating you might feel a little better. Just don't find something incriminating, get angrier, and do nothing but torture yourself.

Is it possible that all he's doing is dirty chat, and never meeting anyone? Still an offence, but may not be what you're imagining. You might find that out by starting your own profile and contacting him (before resetting his password). If that's all he means by "blowing off steam" you might be able to connect with that side of him surreptitiously and work it out to both your benefits.

Answer 4

I would sign up for the same web site and try to catch him when he goes on line . Would be interesting to see what he is talking about and to whom . It depends on your personality where you go with this . Personally I'd laugh my head off when I showed him the print-out .
It's much too soon to break up over this . Only actions speak louder than words . Sounds to me like he is a little bored with life . Maybe a little vacation or some time out with just the two of you would be good . And keep your mouth shut where family is concerned. You are an adult so handle it by yourself . If you run home to mama every time you have a problem , well, you can imagine what the result is . You two will kiss and make up and they 'll never speak to him again .
Good luck .You'll be fine .

Answer 5

I think this would bother me as well, especially if he lied about it. A relationship needs no secrets. I would ask him right out and in a calm way, explain to him exactly how you feel. If you dont think you can do that then write a letter. But a relationship has to have an open line of communication. maybe he does not realize how bothered you would be by it. Maybe he is just blowing off steam, but in all honesty he could find a better way. Yahoo! Answers is my way!! LOL Just be open and honest with him, its the ONLY way. Take care!!

Answer 6

You knew what he was like before you married him, he was unfaithful. However you married him anyway. Now your feelings are hurt. I am sorry for you. You knew what you were getting into. And now your fears are becoming reality. There is nothing you can do to change him. You need to figure out what you are going to do, either shut up and deal with it or leave him. He is not going to change no matter how much you love him. And he does not deserve you. You need to find someone who has the same ideas and values of what a relationship is to be about. Keep in mind, if you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you have. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 7

I had a similar thing but it was text messages and pornographic videos on a mobile phone. I would be very tempted to find out exactly what he means by "blowing off steam" and set yourself up as another user to the site, email him and find out what he means by that expression. It is emotional cheating, but it depends if you feel you can forgive him for that, or whatever else he is getting up to there. You do really need to find out, for evidence. Or just say to him "look, I found this, and I would like for you to explain to me exactly what is going on here." stay calm and make him show you his emails, if he is reluctant that would say there is something more suspicious going on, if it is innocent and he is just talking (nothing sexually related) then he won't have a problem showing you.

Answer 8

you need to gather all the evidence before you act. Print out all the info you can get, his dating site info and his new email address it'll all help back up your accusations. but remember you have no solid proof that he is actually cheating, he has said that he's married and is looking to blow off steam, im not sure what this means but when you confront him you can ask him. dont start accusing him of cheating because thats not gonna get you anywhere. if he feels he can talk to you about it then he wont feel so threatened.
good luck!

Answer 9

You could try and do the opposite of what you think you should do just to see if he is a piece of SHI#. Play along with it. Act like you want to join him in his pervo life. See how he acts. Out of the blue just bring up how you have been thinking about being with another girl in front of him. Get him to admit it to you that he would love it and then bust him in the gut!! Some men Suck. I had one of those dogs as a husband. There is a good chance that he will never change. I stuck it out for 17 years. No more.

Answer 10

I would wait and keep observing him. You will find out more. You should wait until you have more than enough information to decide whether of not you need to leave.

If you want to go this far, there is software than can track everything he types into the key board and get the password that way. But if you have to go though all that, it's really already over..

Answer 11

First off, this is emotional cheating and he needs to know how this affects you and your trust in him. My husband was chatting with a girl from his past and I caught him!!! I confronted him and told him what I had found and that I expected him to be totally honest with me. You need to be up front and not hmm haw around about it. He has been deceptive and does not deserve any gentleness! No matter what he says he is the one at fault. Be ready for answers you may not like and give ultimatiums. You deserve to be in an honest and trustworthy relationship!