my friend had a second miscarriage yesterday and shes really heartbroken,?

Question

i will be visiting her in the weekend, how best should i make her feel better ? convince her to not loose hope ?

please help me help her.....

shes a good friend of mine and shes really wanted to have a baby since last few years. this one's really hit her hard, i want her to feel better...

Answer 1

It needs to be mourned just like the loss of a child (because it is).. It is not easy, and she won't just Snap out of it.. Be there for her, Listen to her, hold her, and cry with her.

-HtJ

Answer 2

The best thing you can do for her is support her and hold her hand. Sometimes that means more than any words. When a little more time has passed please share with her about Perinatologists.

She should see a perintalogist instead of a ob/gyn. They have more training above and beyond a OB/GYN They can even do fetal surgery. They deal with high risk pregnancies and are very proactive and aggressive in dealing with the cause of miscarriage. Hormonal, cervix, Preterm labor, ecclampsia, genetic conditions, RH factor, etc.

They have much better survival rates that standard OB/GYN's. The March of Dimes advocates Perinatologists.

www. perinatology.com is a great place to start. I would not be here and our youngest wouldn't either without them. Most doctors would have insisted I have an emergency csection after having 2 heart attacks something that would have killed our baby, because of his stage and lung development. They were going to do the csection since baby was in distress due to my heart meds and heart attacks. We both came out just fine, which would NOT have been the case had they not been aggressive.

They went above and beyond where an OB/GYN would have drawn the line, I have a happy healthy son and am still here to tell you about it! They also do large multiples.

My friend from Belguim when my husband was in the Air Force had, gone through 7 miscarriages when they were here in the states after having a miscarriage here they sent her to Phoenix Perinatology and she carried the next baby full term.

Answer 3

All you can do is to be a good friend to her. A miscarriage is the body doing away with a pregnancy that had something wrong with it. Statistically speaking almost every woman has had a miscarriage and has never known it in the early days of conception. When the time is right she will have her baby, but for now just be a friend and listen to her.

Answer 4

Being a guy, I can't relate exactly to the feelings a woman has when something like this happens. I can tell that miscarriages are horrible things to go through, for both the man and the woman. My wife and I went through this before and it wasn't fun. I know it was different for my wife because she was carrying the fetus. I think the best thing for you is just to be there and listen. Taking time to be with her is the best thing a friend can do.

Also, we thought that this was uncommon and that something must be wrong. However, it actually happens to a lot of folks. People just don't discuss matters like this so you kinda feel alone in a way.

Give her big hugs!!

Answer 5

Miscarriage is worse than loosing a child because miscarriages make you loose hope. You can't help her mourn her loss but explain that you know that and you would help if you could.

Miscarriages are usually natures way of shutting down something that is not going right. It happened to us. If your doctor tells her that nothing is wrong it usually means that he can't find anything wrong not that there isn't. Persuade her to get a second opinion somewhere else. We now have a wonderfull son.

Answer 6

whatever you say or do won't cheer her up but you are doing the most important thing, being her friend and standing byher. she will come through this believe it and she will come out a stronger person. Tell her not to give up hope, i have lost three babies and i have two healthy boys, so it will happen for her and she needs to know it is not her fault or anything she has done, it is just so sad and also to kind of look upon it that there was obviously something not quite right with the fetus and it wasn't meant to be, i hope this helps i have been there 3 times myself so i know what it's like, but just be there for her and listen, i wish you both lots of love and hugs xxxxxx

Answer 7

Honestly, as someone who had 3 miscarriages in a row before I was able to carry to term, there is nothing you can say that will make her feel better. The only thing you can do is let her know you're there if she needs to rant, cry, scream or just have someone close by.

I will tell you one thing, not that you'd do it .. but just as a precautionary. Don't say any of the following lines:

- I know how you feel. (obvious reason why)

- It will get better (she doesn't want to hear that right now)

- Next time you'll have more luck (anything similar containing next time lines)

- It's okay (sympathetically of course .. but all she'll be thinking is that it is NOT okay)

Cliche lines in this situation only make someone feel worse. Just sit with her, let her talk, let her process it mentally before trying any tactic .. just be there.

Answer 8

Suggestions on helping someone deal with a miscarriage...

TO DO:
DO show regret.
DO offer to pray if you know this suggestion would not offend the individual.
DO send a card or a note.
DO send flowers, in inclined.
DO offer to visit, or be a sounding board.
DO be patient!

NOT TO DO:
Do NOT discuss your miscarriage or other’s. After some time has passed, talking with other’s who have experienced the same loss is helpful, but not before.
Do NOT talk about your D&C, or other’s.
Do NOT devalue the loss, by saying, “You were only 8-weeks…,” or “You can have another…”
Do NOT speculate the cause of the miscarriage, “You’re too old…”
Do NOT share the news of the loss with others, unless you KNOW the family would not mind.
Do NOT expect the pain will end once the physical aspects have passed.

The poem (originally written by Dorothy Ferguson, but I changed it slightly to better match our situation) reads:

How very softly you tiptoed into our world.
You only stayed a moment, but what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts.

I wanted to list a few things you can expect when you experience something like this... these will make you mad, angry, selfish, and jealous... but they happened to me..

1. When you tell people about miscarriage, you will finally get tired of hearing them say "I'm sorry." Those words are so inadequate for what you're going through, and the people mean well.. they just are at a loss for words... But trust me, the more you hear "I'm sorry," the more you will begin to resent what those words mean. My advice is to just grin and bear it, or just ignore the words.

2. You will get tired of people offering up the lame advice of something being wrong with the child (like that makes you feel better), or that you'll have another one (like the next one will be able to replace the one you've lost). Again, people mean well... but the human language is so restricted in voicing the type of sympathy and empathy that people feel, that it ends up coming out in lame epitaphs that end up grating on the nerves.

3. There are stages of grief that you will probably go through. Mine started out with self-blame. What did I do wrong (nothing)? What could I have done to prevent this (nothing)? Then it moved to jealousy (and is still there to some extent). Every pregnant woman I see hurts me on some level inside. That was supposed to be me. I want that happiness, I want my child back.. I have also experienced anger. The unfairness of it all has truly made me mad. I read all these horrible stories of people dumping their babies in trash cans, and I have to be the one to experience a miscarriage? There is so much injustice in the world when people who want their children more than they can understand, who try so hard to get pregnant, who would hang the moon for their child, are the ones to suffer miscarriage.. and horrible people manage to carry it to term, only to stuff it in a trash can and walk away.

So what should you do to cope? Give yourself time. Understand that the self-blame, jealous, sadness and anger will take a while to go away. Understand that they are perfectly normal emotions, and do not deprive yourself of feeling them. Understand that your husband is going through his own grieving process, and even though he's not crying at the sight of a teddy bear and stuffing his face with ice cream... he has been deeply hurt and scarred from this experience. Understand that he is also feeling insecure right now. While you are worrying about something wrong with you (your eggs, uterus, cervix.. genetics..), he is wondering about something being wrong with him. He is worried that something wrong with his little swimmers caused this to happen to you, and he is grieving for his lost child as well. Give yourself time before you start again -- time to heal physically as well as emotionally.

Understand that 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage -- and that perfectly normal, healthy 25 year old females can suffer from the same pain. Understand that you did nothing wrong. Once I found out I was pregnant.. I did everything right.

Answer 9

i think of your chum desires a severe kick up the backside. first of all she ought to pass see her physician. If she needs to terminate then i belivev it incredibly is her physique and she or he must be aloud to do as she needs as no newborn must be extra into the international if it is going to be unable to be cared for emotionally and bodily. Seconldy what shes doing will for sure reason her to miscarriage yet could additionally impression her probabilities of conceiving contained sooner or later. i think of you would be able to desire to tug your chum kicking and screaming to the docs, or maybe the relatives making plans centre. she needs to talk to somebody who will comprehend what she is feeling. if she wont hear to you perhaps you ought to provide her the advice in leaflet and tell her that no longer purely will she harm her toddler yet herself. then walk away. whilst she realises she would be all on my own if she doesnt stop it could make her see experience. the sole different think of i will advise is that perhaps there's a deeper reason to why she is doing this. who's the father? replaced into it a mistake? a one evening stand. is she too youthful? too previous? there could be an underlying situation that must be addressed. sorry i couldnt be of greater help.

Answer 10

You are doing a great job
being there for her! is great
you sound like an amazing friend, i would love to have you as a friend,
maybe discuss going to the doctor, asking about how things could change for the next time, anything she could change, like diet etc
You are doing fantastic!

Answer 11

I suggest just being there for her. She may resent you saying "don't lose hope" just after having a miscarriage. Just tell her you love her, and you're there for her, and if she needs you she can come to you. Be a good friend.