I just Bring my self to do it. what do I do?

Question

I have a partner and I just cant bring my self to give him oral sex. I dont mind touching it or anything.
I have been sexualy abused for many years and I ran off from my family at the age of 16. now I'm 23 and I have try to dela with the issuses. I love my partner very much and I know he dose too. But I know he just wishes I would do it. But I just cant..he dosent pressure me to do but but I know he wants it..What do I do?

Answer 1

Communicate and tell him why you are having a difficult time, if he doesn't already know. All of us guys have things that we want from our women that are "off-limits." We will still think about those things even when we can't have them, but we good men will control ourselves and show respect and compassion for our women when things like this make them afraid or fragile.

I do have a suggestion. Spend a little time in a bookstore and find a good book of erotic literature, specifically one that has some good BJ stories. Buy it and take it home for the two of you to enjoy reading. Or better yet, blind fold him, straddle his lap (facing him), and read the stories to him, in your best, most sultry, "do me" voice. Or, find some audio files on the internet that you find particularly "gratifying." His brain can be extremely stimulated even if you have to bypass the eyes and the groin. Put on a great audio show for him. Make it worth his while, letting him know you appreciate his understanding that you can't do it for him, but are eager to make his fulfillment happen in other ways. We guys are under no illusion that it is anywhere near the same thing, but we do appreciate a sexy woman saying and doing sexy things to us (why do you think lap dances are popular?).

You have to set the mood because you are going to give him the idea of what he wants without actually doing it. This might feel weird too, but be sexy and strong and do it big. It's your chance to take control and show him you appreciate him. Oh, and it's up to you what you wear, but make it something simple yet loose, in case he can't restrain himself and has to have you.

Answer 2

This is a tough one. I think if you ask women they wil generally say dont worry about it but most men will tell you otherwise. Clearly marriage is not based on sex but if you remove a satisfying sex life from a happy marriage and many would fail. Women tend to underestimate how important a BJ is to a man. How would you feel if your man simply could not bring himself to kiss you? 99% of wome would see this as a huge issue that he must overcome. Well for many men this is how they feel about BJs. I would say go to therapy to work out all of your issues. Also Dr. Laura has a book called bad childhood good lifee. Read it and start living your life.

Answer 3

He needs to be patient and even more understanding really. If thats all thats important to hime, he's not worth much.

However, i'm sure if does love you as much as you say he does, he will be kind and considerate to you about this. Maybe you could make a compromise? My partner and I often do, because i'm not too keen on doing it either.. the things we do for love eh? He should promise you a nice soothing massage before or after to make you feel special and show his appreciation for your efforts on his part.. ?
Good luck!

Answer 4

Lucy... don't worry.. if you don't want to do it... that's fine... there's more to a healthy sex life than having to have a bj... if your partner makes you feel bad about yourself because you don't want to... then there's something wrong there.

I don't know how you will get around this... tell him frankly why... maybe watch porno together.. speak to a doctor.. counsellor or sex therapist if it is a major concern to you...

Maybe it will just happen one day when you get carried away.. just wait and see.

Answer 5

Talk to your partner it sounds like he already knows and doesn't pressure you. I would just wait until you feel comfortable if he really loves you he will understand he may not like it but he will understand and be supportive. It sounds like he already is an understanding guy. Don't force yourself do it in your own time.

Answer 6

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. The thought of putting someones bits in my mouth makes me gag. It's got to be good for both of you. It's good that there is no pressure to do it so don't worry about it, enjoy your relationship without it being an issue.

Answer 7

ehhhhhhhhh,... boy,.. this is tough here,...

I'd say this is something you might want to take to a pro with or something,...

I mean,.. my best advice here,. is if you really want to,....

work up to it,...
(****,. heres yet another warning message on its way,lol)

you know,.. touch him,. and such,....

get closer and closer each time you guys are intimate

see if you can get close enough to perhaps kiss him there or something,..

get comfortable with the fact that it is him,. and you are safe,.. he loves you,. won't hurt you ect,..

eventually get closer,... see if you can just

okay,... before this turns into a graphic novel,... I think you get what I am trying to say here right? you want the rest of this its gotta be email,.. i don't need to loose my yahoo account just yet :)

good luck with that,. i hope you guys figure it out,..and,.. i'm sorry about your past,.. sucks,..

take care

Answer 8

We all want some think,but we may never get it,if he is happy to go along with your decision,then whats the gripe,he as accepted it do the same

Answer 9

i cant either lv. i get freaked out even though i want to. iv never done it before was gona give it a try the other week but felt sick at the thought

Answer 10

Have you explained to him about your abuse? If you loves you like you say he does he will be patient with you. Just take it one step at a time.