son stole a gun from dad and says he gave it away. What do we do? He is 17 years old and he knows better.?

Question

He has gotten caught smoking weed. He has got caught stealing and is now on probation. He had to break in to the place where the gun was stored. He even tried to sell it to a family memeber 2 months ago. We just found out five days ago. We have to report the gun stolen but should we turn him in too. He will definitely violate his probation and go to juvenille hall. This is what we both feel would be the best thing. But it is not that easy to turn in your own son (my step-son). Then we think of all the things that go on in there its just like prison. He may go in there and come out worse. This is not something that you deal with everyday. He could have killed someone or caused harm to himself or our family. I also blame my husband for bringing that thing into our home. I did not even know that it was in the house. There has to be some serious discipline her but is turning him in the right thing?
He will have to do at least three months.

Answer 1

firrst of ali am sorry for the 2 of u we can do everything and sometimes our kids get in with the wrong group and get in this type of situation but yes do turn him in it will lead to much bigger things as u can c here bless u as parents sandy

Answer 2

Don't turn him in. He'll completely shut everyone in the family out. My usual answer for defiant teens is just let them learn things the hard way, but in this case, I suggest you enroll him into a "Scared Straight" program. Let prisoners who committed murders, rapes, and terrible crimes of that nature tell him how awful it is in prison. If that doesn't work, a good beating should do the trick. Next time, make sure the gun is locked in a gun safe in which he does not know the combination.

Aside from the asinine thing he did with the gun, don't look at marijuana as an evil entity cause it's not. I know MANY people who smoke weed and hold down careers making six figures. Stealing tends to be a phase, so punish him, but don't act like he committed the crime of the century. He'll eventually realize that he wouldn't want things stolen from him and that should change his outlook.

Answer 3

He is at the age where good or bad influence which shows a bonding push him through. He most probably has a bad set of friends who edge him on. You will have to counsel him to see his point of view for these behaviors. Then a corrective action plan could be put in place which could include moving him away from his bad company.
A punishment doled out without a realization would just push him back to his old ways. And also a punishment should be something that makes him realize his faults so that he can correct himself. A step son is still your son as you said, and he deserves better.

Answer 4

Wow, what a tough situation!

I think you already know what the right thing to do is and that is report the gun stolen and turn him in and let him face the consequences.

It's our instinct to try to protect our kids, even when they make bad choices and we also worry about what people will think of us for having kids that make bad choices. But sometimes the best thing we can do as parents is to force our kids to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions. Of course you don't want your kid to be incarcerated and even though juvenile hall is not a nice place, it's certainly better than an adult facility which is where he could be headed if this type of thing continues.

Please consider some family counseling to help you over this hump and so you can receive support from an objective outside source.

Good luck.

Answer 5

My advice is, you need to take proper steps regardless of how he may react. Remove the "son" factor mentally for a moment. You are harboring a criminal, and there is a gun out there in someone else's hands (registered in your husbands name) that will be used for who knows what purpose. He needs to be turned in, if for no other reason, you don't want to be an accessory to a crime, perhaps even murder.
All of that aside, yes it is hard to do that to your son. However, you are not responsible for the poor choices this young man is making. He has chosen his past actions and he will choose his future attitude and actions. Prison time could be the best or worse thing for him, that is up to him.
As a citizen who doesn't know where you live, you could be in my neighborhood, I am not comfortable with him going unchecked and unpunished. If he gets away with this, what will be next? Will he be breaking into my house to get money to support his drug habit? You need to look beyond the son factor and do everything in your power to hold him accountable, and help him get the help he needs.

Answer 6

You are certainly in a tough spot! I do criminal defense work and if you turn son in it's likey he could get charged as an adult since he's 17. But that's not to say you shouldn't turn him in. If he gets convicted in adult court he's gonna have a criminal record forever if you don't do things just right.

Here's what I suggest. Turn him in and see if they charge him in juvenile or adult court--either way, what you need to next is the same. Get him into counseling. Take the initiavte to show either court that you, the parents, are trying to deal with the situation. This will make it look better to the judge and prosecutor.

Now, if he's in juvenile court, the judge will likely extend his probation--perhaps you should ask, yes ask, the court to order some community service. That way you show that you want your son to learn a lesson here to avoid things like this in the
future.

Same thing for Adult Court--get him into to counseling on your own and tell the prosecutor you will agree to probation and community service and maybe some type of fine. If he gets a fine make HIM pay it or either pay you back. Most states have a law where (assuming it's a felonly charge) if he completes his probation without further incident, does his community service and whatever, then he can get his record expunged. But that's a one time deal here in Arkansas---you can get one thing expunged. It needs to be used wisely. That way if he does get in trouble later down the road this incident won't come back to haunt him. If, in adult court, he's charged with a misemeanor, then ask the court to dismiss the charge at teh end of probation if he successfully completes probation. This is different from using the law to expunge the charge in felony court.

I know all of that may sound confusing, but several things could happen if you turn him in and the real result you want is for your son to quit getting into trouble. By initiating counseling and asking for community service you are letting him get punished and protecting him at the same time.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

That is a very hard decision to make.. Go with your gut on this one... If it were me I think I would turn him in. What would do if the person he gave the gun to used it to hurt someone.. The situation could get alot worse... Plus jail may be what scares him to the right path...
Good luck with what ever you and your husband decide!!

Answer 8

think of it this way if your son had sold the gun to a person that in the end killed someone he would be doing alot more than 3 months.when my son was young he came home with a big bullet and was trying to let it off.my first thought was to phone the police didnt even think of concequences. when he was playing with it there where other children around and safety for others is number 1

Answer 9

Most definitely turn him in. My ex step son ended up going to prison for 10 years because he was protected from responsiblity for his past actions. If you continue to protect him, it will only get worse. Now he is very careful of what he does. My daughters don't have anything to do with him anymore, so I really don't know if he is off the drugs now or not, but he hasn't been in trouble with the law since.

Answer 10

If you don't report it stolen and it gets into the wrong hands, they will be looking at you.

Just report it stolen.

Honestly, I'll get him some help. Sometimes the best love is tough love. Nip that in the bud before it gets worse.

Either way you look at it... your son probably won't change his way of life until 5, 10 years down the line and that's sad.

Answer 11

first its not ur husbands fault in anyway. if the gun was stored in locked area and not loaded (and only to be used as protection for the family) then he was no way in the wrong. he is only invoking his constitutional right to bear arms. and u should turn ur son in. if u have tried punishment in every way, shape or form then ur only option left is to let the government deal with him. if he comes out of juvy hall worse then that is his own doing and u shouldnt blame urself. he will ultimately have to decide if he wants to change for the better or the worse.

PS if u dont turn him in & report the gun missing/stolen and there is a gun out there that is in someones elses hands (unregistered to them) u will be legally responsible if this gun is used in a crime and the fact that u knew it was missing comes up