Do husbands/wives feel guilt after an affair?

Question

If you have an affair and then realize how much you screwed up and your spouse is willing to work on the marriage, how long does the guilt last and how guilt ridden are you? Just wondering, my friends husband cheated on her(unusual circumstances with them, him working out of state for almost a year) and they are working things out. She always ask if I think he is feeling as much remorse and guilt as she does resentment and hurt. He sure seems to. SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE>>

Answer 1

I am pretty close to my husbands grandparents and I know that when the grandfather was in his 40's he had an 11 year affair with some women. Grandmother eventually found out, and stayed with him. I have asked her how did she do that after knowing he cheated on her for over a decade. She said sometimes love wins all but their relationship was never the same again. Grandfather is a really great guy, doesnt sound like it but he is! I guess what I am trying to say is they both got over it and went on to live happy lives for the next 25 years - granmother just passed away :( I know your friends situation isnt that serious but I truly believe love can save anything. Its going to be hard, but that just makes the reward of staying together and making it that much sweeter

Answer 2

I think people are only guilty if they know it was wrong. Some people that cheat feel no guilt because they think it is ok. He might of been out of state for a year but that doesn't make it ok that he cheated. If he couldn't handle being alone then he should of had his family move out there with him or him move home and find a new job. Just like when people say oh it was because I was drunk or stoned it makes it ok......NOT. They were going to do it sober anyway just maybe not right then and there. I personally think the only way to get past the hurt and anger is to talk about it with a professional. It doesn't' go away she will always in the back of her mind wonder if he is doing it again. I hope she made the right decision and in keeping him. GL to her!

Answer 3

There is a problem with this question. While some of the people who have had affairs may feel guilty most tend to repeat the offense.

The offender loses respect for their spouse, which they already did not respect much, and they realize that they can commit adultery with impunity in the future.

The people who feel guilty committed the offense because they were unwilling or afraid to face the problems in their marriage. These are the people who when caught will feel guilty and finally face their marital issues. These marriages will often survive, but are unlikely to be the same as they were before the offense.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 4

It depends on the person. Some spouses who've cheated feel extraordinary guilt, others feel none at all. However, how much guilt your friend's husband feels is really not any of your concern. Your job is to be there for your friend and continue to encourage her to talk out her feelings. If they are not already enrolled in marital counseling, then they almost certainly should be. You might want to suggest to your friend that it might help her think things through if she sees a professional counselor. Sometimes it helps to have an objective third party.

Answer 5

'i think they will only feel guilt,if they are also hurt, if they can realize what they did was wrong. most will only feel guilty if they lost someone they loved, but if they never loved that person than it is doubtful that they will ever feel any guilt, cause they can always come up with justification as to why they cheated, and find reasons. some people have a different belief system, based on selfishness as to why they cheated, maybe the person's morals are different than the spouse's are that got cheated on. he may one day feel remorse, but only if it has compromised his life, only if the woman he left her for wasn't everything he thought she was, than he will feel remorse.

Answer 6

It seems like you will have already made up your intellect. I assume the real question is, are you going to be equipped to be better so she doesn't get the pleasant of you once more? Just right for you for being tired of the lies and realizing how you consider about her. You simply must stick with what is correct. If it were me, i might inform her exactly how I felt, no sugar coating. After which just say it as well as possible (some thing along the traces of...) "i am not interested in you. I don't believe you and i do not like myself for being in a relationship with a married girl. You must work to your relationship together with your husband. I'm going to work on my self." And tell her to lose your quantity. Often, you gotta be bloodless about it. If not, she is simply getting her cake and eating it too. Don't permit her to treat you like you are only 2nd fine.

Answer 7

I think the hurt is worse than the remorse. In other words, the one cheated on suffers much more than the one that did the cheating. He probably feels bad, but once they agreed to work it out a lot of his remorse was probably relieved.

Answer 8

Well, hmmmmmmmm, hard to say. My wife screwed around on her first husband and had little remorse. Of course, he treated her like a mother of 3 children. Meaning, he treated her like sh*t. But, on the other hand, a good friend of mine has had the problem of his wife screwing around on him, and he's a great husband and father? I know if I screwed around on my wife, I'd feel like sh*t after it was all said and done, and probably during. So, I really don't know what to tell ya. I'm sure most people feel pretty bad for hurting someone that loves them though.

Answer 9

That feeling of guilt will take a long time to go away (if it ever does). The trust that was betrayed is difficult to earn back, and your friend's wife will be hurt for many years, and perhaps never fully trust him again.

Answer 10

First of all never admit to cheating, it's only pain you are putting them through and they can't do anything about it. Secondly it's human to feel guilt but what you do with that is on you. If you can't stand the heat don't visit the kitchen.