Diagnosed 2 years ago and badly needed support, one 'friend' decided not to ring me or speak to me after I was diagnosed. Why do you think this can be? How can someone be so heartless?
2006-12-15 00:18:03 · 29 answers · asked by Pink n Wise 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
My friend was diagnosed with cancer, and out of all 5 of us, who brought up our children,went shopping,went out,even on holidays together, there only remained me. When this happened,all the other girls said they couldn't handle it, they didn't know what to say,they were unable to watch her suffer,it made them aware of there own immortality,in a nut shell the WHOLE thing frightened them.Well I know this was their reasons and their fears,but I'm sorry I don't think it was as hard for them as it was for our friend.She didn't do any wrong,and she didn't deserve what she got,she was dealt a bad hand,but she managed to cope so why couldn't they.There is NO EXCUSES,A friend like that you don't need,take comfort from your family, and the friends that remain and support you,I wish you all the luck in the world.You have a new friend fighting your corner.
2006-12-15 00:39:19 · answer #1 · answered by suze 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think they would do it to be heartless.
Some people do not cope well when we are ill - they don't know what to say.
I've never had a friend suffer a serious illness, nor have I had a friend suffer a berevement. I wouldn't know what to say. That said, I would ignore my fear of saying the right thing and make sure I said something - I've heard that it is when people say nothing it hurts the most.
I'm very sorry your friend didn't stick by you for what ever reason, have you tried to get in touch with them? It might help you rekindle the friendship, or get closure, to ask them why they didn't ring you or speak to you.
I hope you are now happy and healthy x
2006-12-15 00:22:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A friend should be there supporting you - in whatever way you need it - and whatever way they can provide it. They should not be ignoring you. It's difficult times like this you need friends and family around you. Sorry but I don't think you should consider them your friend and are MUCH better off without them. If you feel you need to speak to someone I hope you have other friends and family who can support you through what must be a difficult time of your life. If you need further assistance, please contact your Dr or cancer specialist for details of counsellors etc. Good luck, you are not alone - just remember you need friends who can support you, not who run a mile. They may feel scared for you and not know what to say but friends get over this stuff. Be strong and I hope you find the support you deserve.
2006-12-15 00:21:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Terrified of not knowing what to say, or that she may say the wrong thing? Maybe that she was somehow affected by cancer in her life and it brings about bad memories?
Don't assume someone is heartless until you know the full story - most people have a reason for doing the things they do.
2006-12-15 00:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by Omar Z 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your friend is having trouble coming to terms with your condition! Heartless, are you sure that,s the right term to use, regarding your friend? This friend could well be very sad for you, but has no idea how to face or cope with this situation. You now are being forced to be very brave, well equipped with this bravery, go and gently,but firmly "ask". You will then know the truth.
2006-12-15 05:54:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This shows they were never really your friend. I went through something similar at the start of my divorce, my mate disappeared for ages and after confronting her,she said that I had always had everything when I was married, so that was life. Put it this way, you could think it may be fear etc but in your heart of hearts you know that this friend was never any good from the start.
2006-12-15 05:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by Blackduchess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely - fear. They probably don't know what to say, or do, and feel helpless. I would write this friend a note, letting them know that you need their support at a time like this. When my Dad was ill, I noticed a few people that acted strange - they were feeling uncomfortable. Reach out - I'm sure they'll reach back.
2006-12-15 00:49:39 · answer #7 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably just uncomfortable and doesn't know what to say or how to say it. Some people just shut down and prefer to refrain from contact rather than feeling awkward. It is a bit selfish but I'm guessing she's also worried about making things worse for you.
2006-12-15 01:10:00 · answer #8 · answered by Tamzi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its said tha some folk find it hard to be around people that have diseases that are or can be fatal because it makes them question their own mortality or they are tooo afraid to get closer to you because they fear they will lose you. They do not realize they are hurting you by NOT being there for you. If you feel the need..call up the friend and tell them how you fell. G'luck!
2006-12-15 00:22:00 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
mainly ignorance or disbelief......many people take it different ways....she may be worried or in fear of loosing her best friend.....or perhaps she is stuck up....when i found out my father had bone cancer i went silent for 3 days used the Internet to research about his condition......to be honest i was devastated...i cut my hair in anger .....my dad had been so strong from that point but he cried when i cut my hair from that moment i promised to help mum and make his life as good as possible sadly though the treatments did not work for him but i will always remember him as my best friend and always willing to put on a brave face.
i hope you are lucky to get the treatment in time, my luck to you
2006-12-15 01:27:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋