Advice please?

Question

In a few hours I will be leaving my husband. (I know, bad timing) and I don't know how I feel. I mean physically I kind of feel sick to my stomach, but I mean emotionally. Is this normal? How do I leave and not cry? How do I say good bye? Is this suppose to hurt this much? (Yes the marriage is over and no hope left of working)

I'm sorry these are such silly questions, but I really don't know the answers. Even typing out the question took me over an hour, and that is out of character for me.

Please don't be rude right now. Please just answer as serious as you can.

Answer 1

There are no silly questions. You are devastated and it is OK to feel that way. Take care. Please get some support from family or friends if you can. Check your email for a more private response.

Answer 2

Hi,
I quite sympathise with your situation right now. I am a divorcee myself for 4mths now. I left him coz he doesn't love me anymore and has had an affair for the past 2years. What's the use, right? I had to let him go. Though you didn't mention why you're leaving him, I guess that's not the point. We parted peacefully and leading a normal life.
As you said, there's no hope for your marriage anymore. I have always thought that if there's a little doubt in your mind and heart, don't go through with it, give some time. I don't know if this is correct or not, but it sounds like you still love your hubby.
Are there no alternative? Counselling perhaps? Maybe you have. I'm not sure if by leaving you mean separation or divorce. If you're adamant on leaving him, I hope you would not completely cut off communication with him, just in case, by any miracle, that you guys found yourself to be inseparable.
But when you leave, I hope that you don't cry coz it will just create more confusion, I suggest that you get your ride ready and waiting so that there's not a lot of time to linger in saying goodbye, you can cry out all you can in your car. And yes it would hurt.
Hope all goes well for you...

Answer 3

Do you have kids together? Have you tried couples therapy with a really good therapist?
If you really know you've tried everything to save your marriage and it's over, you're going to have feelings that are unique to you and your situation. Don't worry about what's "normal." If you feel like crying, cry. But, if you don't, then don't. It is an extremely difficult thing to go through (probably the worst unless you've had a close loved one die) and you will probably experience an entire range of emotions. And it's important to feel the pain and deal with your emotions. You need to work this through so that you don't experience the same things in your next relationship. Good luck and don't date anyone for at least a year. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people right now.

Answer 4

IN order not to cry, remeber exactly why you are leaving. Although I have not gone through this, I am sure it would hurt, and make you a little quezy. Don't worry about the timing, you must do what you feel is the right thing to do, no matter when the time comes. If you know that the marriage is over and no chance of reconciliation, then yes, you must leave. It is your life, do what you must do.
Good luck to you-

Answer 5

Of course it is painful, and will be for sometime. When one decides the relationship is not able to be saved. There is some sadness, you have shared a life togehter and the idea of the marriage and the life has come to an end. Perhaps you should consider if you are doing the right thing. Take a break a separation and try to spend sometime alone. Dont rush into a divorce. Good luck to you, I will keep you in my prayers. God bless****

Answer 6

This has to be really tough...I am sorry you have to go through it, and I wish that there was something you two could do to fix things. However, when it's over, it's over. It's going to hurt for a very long time, and it will feel like nothing can make the pain go away. Go ahead and cry- you have a history with this person whom you probably still love. I wish you the best and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Answer 7

It hurts because you don't know what the future will hold. The marriage may be definitely over, but it starts a new era for you and your husband and new responsibilities. Once it's over and I mean totally over (divorce and all) you will feel relief. Once you prove to yourself that you can survive in this world without your husband you feel like a queen. Good luck and never look back.

Answer 8

If yu have thought this out and you both have decided its over, then you have to do what you have to do to get through it. You can look at the timing 2 ways, bad..because its the holidays, or good...because its the holidays. Surround yourself with friends and family and most important your faith in God. Cry, scream, sleep...do whatever it takes. There is nothing wrong with feeling these emotions...you are human. I am praying for you and hope that you turn to a higher power for your strength! Its the only way. This too shall pass. God Bless You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

It will be very hard. After your gone you will learn things about yourself and him (mine was having an affair with my best Friend, now he is living with her!) that you never knew. As far as crying go ahead and cry it won't hurt and may even help. Put your faith in whatever you believe in. My God will never give me anything I can not handle. When he closes a door he opens a window. Good Luck

Answer 10

you have to follow your heart baby. If your relationship is that far gone it don't matter what time of year it is it's time to go I wish you the best. Things may get a bit worse but that will only be for the time being and than you will look back and laugh and wish you would have done it sooner xoxo Jess