Hes very spoiled by his family. I am not his bio-dad but after two years I concider him mine. I love him with all my heart and want nothing but the best for him. If he is spoiled though, hes going to grow up spoiled. I do not want him to have this life. I want him to work hard, know the value of a dallor, and so on.
When a toy brakes If someone doesnt buy him a new one on the spot (because he will ask to go to the store) he say "okay mommy and daddy we have to go buy another one".
Now hes baby all the time. He goes crazy - noone stops him, noone gives him bounderies or says no so when I do it hes confused and cries. I am the ONLY one who can say no and sets boundries for him and they all think I am the controlling bad guy.
What is there left for me to do? Is there anything I can do about the crying?
PLEASE I NEED HELP AND ADVISE!
2006-12-14 23:31:41 · 13 answers · asked by infiniteson 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As long as you are the step dad, I don't feel it is inappropriate for you to be setting boundaries for how you will be treating him. We teach people how to treat us in life after all.
You will begin to see he will treat you with respect and maturity while w/ the "spoilers" he will continue to be the baby and the victim. It is not with the child you have a problem...it is with the inappropriate behavior and treatment by the other adults.
You can bring this up with them...but it is no more appropriate for you to criticize there treatment (unless asked)....
People of integrity expect to be believed, when they are not, they let time prove them correct!!!
Oh...and about the crying....let him (as long it's not something bad you know what I mean)...if he is workin the folks around him by crying...let him cry...then he will have to deal with his real feelings and he will get over it and stop manipulating the adults around him by crying.
2006-12-14 23:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Cadman1965 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your wife and have a long talk with her about this FAST. Perhaps she doesn't realize what's going on? Maybe the family is trying to make up for the loss of the biological parent in their minds and not taking the welfare of the child into consideration. The two of you need to present a united front against the other "spoilers" and make them understand that it's not acceptable to allow this kind of behavior from the child. If this doesn't happen soon, the control he has over your household will continue to grow and his behavior will get worse. As for the crying, let him, but send him to his room to do it. If he won't go, pick him up, put him there and tell him to stay there until he's done. You don't say how old he is, but the sooner you correct this behavior on everyone's part, the easier it will be to get him under control. Good Luck!
Remember, children don't ask to be spoiled, but will always take advantage of anything offered. At that age, wouldn't you?
2006-12-15 00:08:08 · answer #2 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not tell us how old he is. It is difficult to gauge if he is at an appropriate age level for the behavior to begin (the terrible two and a halfs). He sounds a bit older.
I am a relative new dad. My son is 2.5 years old. He tries to do that crying thing. But he is beginning to realize he cannot always get his way. His mother and I gently but firmly let him know this daily. At daycare, one of his peers let him know last week. He kept trying to take a toy away from another little boy. The boy finally bit him in frustration.
I see part of my job as a dad to both shelter him from the world and to let him know enough of reality that it is not a big surprise form him when he goes to regular school or work later.
It's a balancing act.
If it gets out of balance, there are problems.
We spoil our son as much as possible, in the sense that he gets 100% of our love. But he doesn't get every toy there is. He is the baby of the family, and we are older parents, so we are very tolerant. But we do set boundaries.
My son stops the manipulative crying when he realizes he will not get his way. It was bad in the beginning. But it got better with time. Now, he does not do this very often. He gets grumpy and tearful, irritable, when he is sleepy or hungry, but as far as that behavior, he has begun to learn because we lovingly guide him. We don't spank.
It was more difficult when my wife's spoiled 17 year old from another marriage lived with us.
He was more high maintenance than the toddler. I could not talk to his mother about him and his entitled, lazy, behavior because no matter what, she is his mother, and so on.
After the older kid moved out to live with his grandmother last summer, things got simpler.
You have a big problem, but you already knew that. I Part of the problem is the step dad thing. The other kids use that to "split" you and mom. You and your wife need to get on the same page first. Then work on the others in the family. So take your wife out to dinner and discuss this like adults. Don't criticize her children. That won't work-you will just awaken the tigress. But discuss the need to address this spoiled behavior in a healthy way. IF that does not work. . .
Maybe consult a child psychologist or get some family or marriage counseling to deal with the child-rearing issue before it gets completely out of hand. The sooner the better.
May the Force be with you.
2006-12-14 23:55:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It isa pity that the way Americans bring up their children is a bit loose, They compromise the standard of God's rules in bringing up a child, Holy books says Spare the rod and Spoil the child. This is not say U should be unneccessarily aggresive. But a good parent must let their child know their standard. Ur no should be No and Ur Yes should be Yes. What if u don't have cash to buy another one, will u go and steal in other to satisfy him? You need to make ur stand. Telling him that after he spoils anything I
u buy 4 him,there none again. By this he grows up to know sense of value of things.
2006-12-14 23:54:59 · answer #4 · answered by Oloyede AB 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns,you are doing the right thing,If he is not stopped now he will grow into a spoiled brat and have no friends,But when you say no you must mean it and not give in to his yelling,I f he keep,s yelling after you have told him no twice then you say no again and tell him if he doesn't stop he will be put in his room,and the next step is to put him in his room.It may take a bit of time but you will win in the end.I wish you all the luck and a merry Christmas.I know what you are going through as i have 6 children,all grown up,and 9 grandchildren so i know what i,m talking about.
2006-12-14 23:44:54 · answer #5 · answered by Bella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem from what I can see from here is not your son but, the family. I don't know where or, how you going to start but, you have to find a way to control what they do, not what you son does.
Down the line if he gets into trouble they'll surely look at you, as the villainous culprit because your the father. You should have known better all of this.
2006-12-14 23:36:59 · answer #6 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a breath and relax, you can get through this. Allow your son to cry. This way he might get sick of it himself. When he continues to act out you must stand your ground and walk away from the situation, But if your problem is that other poeple are giving him his way, then you need to tell those people that your trying to discipline the boy. They should understand. And by the way... I think it's really sweet that you are taking care of someone eles seed.
Good Luck
2006-12-15 04:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by sadiebabe81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is continue doing what you are.try talking to his mother(which im sure youve already done)but let him know that with daddy there are limits,so atleast when he's older he will know and respect what youve done for him,not the ones that ignored the issues. As far as saying NO you can try rephraseing it...not right now..later,ok?...in 5 minutes...you cant do that...you shouldnt do that...when u act this way it.....hope this helps
2006-12-14 23:38:00 · answer #8 · answered by debbiemccoy64@verizon.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read Dr James Dobson's book on discipline.
2006-12-14 23:34:26 · answer #9 · answered by spag 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him the reason for why you tell him no.tell him i am telling you no because i love you tell him if i tell you yes all the time is that what you want me to do let him think about that and do that for about 10 years and if he dont understand by then you will have to do that until he grows up and that might be the year 2050
2006-12-14 23:40:38 · answer #10 · answered by lovj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋