my olderst sister is 36 years old. she has been married for 10 years. she marreid this jerk that no one approved of, because we knew he use to hit on her. well, this is the frist time he has beat her so bad that she needed to go to the hospital. my mom has my nieces with her, but she wants me to let my sister come live with me. i have had her stay with me in the past but she keeps letting the jerk back in her life. so shoudl i waste my energy on helping her out again for the seventh time and subject my kids to the words and abuse that are boudn to come once he finds out where she is, or shoudl i simple say sorry i can't help this time? can you really help someone who desn't want to be helped?
2006-12-14 23:01:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No you really can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped ....but could you honestly say no to your sister? Maybe this time that she landed in the hospital it will give her some strength to let go of this jerk....give her another chance, battered women are so convinced that somehow its their fault and they always fall for their line of ****, I really feel bad for your sister, I have never been in that situation, but I did see my mom go through it with my dad, and you know what, it is the scariest thing for a child to see...perhaps when she comes out of the hospital you can talk a little sense to her, if not for herself for her kids, they are the ones that are going to grow up traumatized to say the least, if she won't do it for herself maybe she'll do it for her kids...Hope this is the last time this idiot will ever get a chance to touch her again....God Bless you and your sister, may she find the strength to leave this man (if you can call him that).
2006-12-14 23:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she should not come to you only because you are right she will go back. I think she should get a retraining order on him & put her & her kids in a battered women's shelter. There her & her kids will be able to get lots of help. Then she will have the chance to move on w/ her life the right way & get away from the abuse. You are not helping her by letting her come stay w/ you. The people at the shelter can find her a new place to live, they have group dissions there, give her & her children therapy, clothes, food & more. Check this out for her & talk her into going. Good luck to you all!
2006-12-15 07:24:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely No! Take her to a shelter for woman in your city. Stay with her as long as possible and be with her, support her. get her an attorney but, she has to follow through and do this on her own, you cannot do this for her. She'll blame you later on and then go back, saying it was your fault.
Don't let anyone dissuade you, the shelter is the way to go. If it comes down to it, tell her you cannot bring her into your house agan and subject your children to this, and you don't trust her husband, he may be dangerous. Leave it at that, she will or may take the part of her husband then, just leave her at the shelter, you did your part, let her follow through with her part.
2006-12-15 07:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit your sis down and have a true heart to heart talk, and it wouldnt hurt if all other family members did the same. It sounds to me that he has done the smack down on her many times before ? Personally, He is worse than scum...and I would like/enjoy 2 min. just him,myself,and my baseball bat. But, its time for you to activate the "tuff-love". YES>>it will be the hardest thing youll have to do but YOU cant give in to the same old bull that hes changed,hes real sorry,ect. because it WILL happen again you know it, and so does she. Not enough space to say it all.
2006-12-15 07:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by momzilla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to break the cycle, he is GOING to come to your house and you are subjecting your kids to danger, not just abuse fo words etc.
I think the best chance she has is a domestic violence center who can place her in hiding until she gets her act together. She and her children need counseling. That is the only way she is going to break free. She needs your support but she can not expect you to risk your kids when this is the 7the time.
She needs professional help, she needs to get her head together with the help in a safe place he can't come begging or threatening her into returning.
If she ends up dead you will regret not helping, but ultimately it's up to her. You can help without enabling. And it sounds like that is what has been going on.
Good luck, my heart goes out to all of you.
2006-12-15 07:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to set up boundrys, and keep them intact for the safety both mentally, and physically of you and your family..Sounds to me like sister has got some self esteem issues, and really could use your love to help heal her...It's your life, and I take Jesus' advice,"Do unto others..." would you want her to give up on you, if you needed help? Lay down the law..RESTRAINING ORDER, would be #1, and let her know that you care about her, and also you care about yourself, and your children-so NO BULLY,PUNK,WIFE BEATER PIECE OF **** WILL BE ALLOWED OR TOLERATED IN YOUR HOME! Then stick to your guns...Lifetime's web site, and your local phone book have numbers for victims of domestic violence..They also have shelters where she could safely stay(if you don't feel good, and safe w/her at your home)and they offer help and counselling..I am a survivor of domestic violence, it's a very hard "addiction" to break-the abusers attack you mentally, emotionally, and physically, they break down who you are, and what you're worth..The hardest thing to do is to take that 1st real step away..It's frightening when you've been beaten down all around to think that you'll be ok...We actually start believing the abusers...She NEEDS counseling, to remove the denial (the oh, I shouldn't have made him mad, he really loves me...sound familiar?)and to start the healing for herself, but more importantly, if she doesn't break the cycle of violence...Her children will grow up and copy one of the 2 parents behavior..Which does she want?Her child to grow up and be a victim, be an abuser? Go thru the pain of a childhood of witnessing this????I pray for your family, but there IS help out there, please help her at least get that...Beacuse we buried yet another woman near my home yesterday who thought staying was the better choice, instead, her children witnessed their daddy shoot mommy to death...STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!
2006-12-15 07:30:50 · answer #6 · answered by lil_grrrl69 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should let her in if you have the means to let her live with you. Remember, she may come to her senses eventually. This may be the act that does it. Nevertheless, it is important for you to support her, and educate her on the help she can get as a battered woman. Also, let her know she and the kids will be okay without him.
2006-12-15 07:05:55 · answer #7 · answered by Jay S 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
keep on trryin dear cause he might injure her bad enough. ask her the reason why she doesnt agreee with u? after all she is ur sister. talk with them(jerk included ) and try to sort it out. if he beats her again then i would suggest u lodge a complain with the police even if it affects ur relationship with ur sister
2006-12-15 08:00:11 · answer #8 · answered by swap 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First. You can't help anyone who don't want your help.And depending on your kids ages how much do you want them to see?And who knows he may even turn on you for helping.
2006-12-15 07:14:05 · answer #9 · answered by sean c 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say take her to therapy it worked on my girlfriend it will straiten out her mind Your welcome
Oh Punch The Jerk for me, Thank You
2006-12-15 07:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by Jesse M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋