newly wed my wife is pregnant and im confused?

Question

im in the air force and will be going to tech school n a few months... but that happens to be right before her due date ... maybe a month or so...she wants to say at home... she thinks she has to stay with her doc... she had some complacations early on but since then her doc has said shes ok and theres nothing wrong...i think she just doesnt want to change docs that late shoud i not want her to be with me so i can be there when our first child is born... or should i just suck it up and and see our baby after i get back... am i beng selfish or am i doing the right thing

Answer 1

It's not selfish to want to be there for the birth of your child. However, your wife's feelings are just as important. It takes a woman a long time to be comfortable with an OBGYN. On top of that, she probably has fear upon fear about the childbirth, not to mention the idea of moving and switching docs that late in her pregnancy is probably overwhelming. It's important that your wife stay as calm and comfortable as possible throughout the rest of her pregnancy. If being at home is what will help her through it without emotional trauma, then it's probably what is best for her and the baby.

On the flip side of that, my sister was in a similar situation. Her husband was in school in California while she stayed in Florida to deliver her baby. I remember holding her hand while she cried because she wished he could have been there. She agreed she probably did the right thing, but it was hard for her to go through the process without him. You wife may not have considered this yet.

Whatever she decides, just be supportive. It's all you can really do.

Answer 2

How long is your school? If it's a long school that would count as an accompanied PCS move, she should go. If it's a shorter school that the military wouldn't normally move you for, she should stay home.

Now, aside from switching doctors (and in the military, a doctor will be very understanding to get a new patient at 8 months), the biggest stress in PCS'ing to school is going to be the move itself. There will so much going on and she won't be able to do a thing about besides stand aside and fret. When the baby comes, sure she'll be away from where she's lived for the past however long, but she'll be in her own home with her husband, and that's the important thing.

If, on the other hand, the school is too short to justify a military sponsored move, the financial burden on top of the stress, finding a doctor just to deliver the baby, not to mention being away from home would be too much. You would either have to move ALL your stuff by yourself out of your own pocket, and then have to move again shortly thereafter when school was up and you got your next assignment, or she would have to come and stay in a rent-by-the-week hotel or some such matter, find a temp doctor, and then leave after the baby's born and old enough to travel back to your home. Do either of those options sound like any fun?

It is NOT selfish for you to want to see your first child born. I think it's the right of any (decent) father to be able to experience that. It pains me every day that my husband isn't here to share my first pregnancy with me. He left before I finished my first trimester, won't be home until the baby is almost 6 months, and only has a 2 week window to make it home for the birth and to see his first child at all before the end of the current deployment. Some men in the military never seen any of their children born, and that's a shame. But if it's a matter of geography and timing, there's nothing you can do.

Answer 3

Make sure your wife understands that if she was to go into lab our in the middle of the night more then likely she will get the on-call Dr. and not the Dr. who she has been seeing. If she changes Dr's because she moves the Dr. she is seeing now will send her medical records to her new Dr. if she requests it and he/she can treat her and have all the infor he/she needs to make sure she is taken care of properly. As well you should speak with your superiors and explain that your wife has had some problems with her pregnancy and is due around the time you are going to school. They may allow you an extension on the date that you start school. If I was a man I would be truly upset if I missed the birth of my child be if first, second or third. After speaking with the father of my child he said that he would be truly heart broken if he would have missed our child's birth. And he said that he would be even more upset if we have more then one and he misses the birth of one, but not the other.
I don't know what to tell you but I think you really need to speak with your wife and let her know just how important you being there is, it allows you to bond with that child instantly as well seeing the birth. I can understand your wife maybe scared but she might also one day have to explain to your child why Dad didn't get to see them born, and then she can give the less the great answer of "I didn't want a different Dr."

Good Luck You both need to sit down and talk!

Answer 4

It is better to stay with the same Doc. Her Doc now already knows her body and will be able to assist her if anything crazy should happen. Not that anything will but just in case you want her to be in the best care, Right! But you need to do what you need to due. Just remember if you allow problems to start now in the early stages of your marriage, they will be there for the rest of it. Being selfish isn't such a bad thing as long as it doesn't hurt the ones you love the most.

Answer 5

One thing I don't think anyone has considered is finding a doctor to take over her care that late in pregnancy is going to be very difficult. Most docs do not like to get new patients who are 8 months along. If I were you I would go to a doctor appointment with my wife and would discuss this with both of them at the same time. You are not selfish for wanting to be there for the birth of your child but your wife is not selfish for wanting to stay with a doctor she knows and trusts. Compromise is necessary here. Whatever is decided must be decided by both of you and with consideration for both points of view. There are no absolute right or wrong decisions here.Good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

You both must be able to provide for the baby after it's born. A higher education for you will give you a safer future - and more experience will make you a better parent. So I think you should go to your school.
The best would be if you can persuade your wife to come with you and live in the town where you go to school, so you three (with the baby) can be together from early on. Changing docs is not a big deal, and have friends who were pregnant and travelled a lot and went to work till a week before their due date, and they all got no complications and gave birth to healthy babies. So if you go to school and your wife doesn't come with you, it is her decision that was wrong, not yours (that is, if there are no other reasons you didn't mention or even don't know).

Answer 7

I don't think that a woman has sole rights to making birthing decisions, but if your wife feels more comfortable with your normal doctor, I think you should support her because discomfort could make what is supposed to be a bonding experience for your family into one of animosity. Maybe you should, in a very loving way, express to her how much you want to be there for the birth of your child. Tell her that you respect her feelings and you will support her either way, but ask her to consider traveling with you so that you can be there to support her in her time of need. I would imagine she would be understanding.

Answer 8

Myself, if I were in your situation, I'd feel a bit of comfort knowing she's going to be with the doctor who's been seeing her all along. This person is already up to date on the situation. I'm certain you'd want to be there for the first born, but sometimes it's best to do what's right rather than what you would prefer to do.

Answer 9

a first pregnancy can be a really scary time and with your wife's hormones she's more than likely just worried, suggest having a look for a Dr she would be comfortable with if you find someone now the change wouldn't be that traumatic for her near the birth. If she's adamant just try to be understanding it's impossible to know if you're doing the right thing but just go with what feels right for both of you

Answer 10

They will let her go with you to tech school? If so, her place is with you, her husband. If she can't make this first move with you, it will be that much harder next time. Its not right of her to seperate herself and the baby from you because of early complications. Switching doctors won't hurt her. Military wives (and active duty!) move and switch doctors all the time. She's being selfish, not you. And remind her that she'll want your help after the birth. You cannot help if she's not with you. Waiting till after the birth means that much more baby junk she'll have to cram in her car to drive up to you. And driving with a newborn sucks.

My husband barely made it home for our first child's birth. I would NEVER have purposefully denied him the experience of her birth. By not moving with you, she is denying you both that experience together. The place of a military wife is to suck it up and move, not be a 'fraidy cat!