"How does the Iliad both condemn and celebrate war?" essay please read and Reply. what does it need??

Question

Condemnation or Celebration
The Definition of War is a contention by force, or the art of paralyzing the forces of an enemy. War is not only an act, but a state or condition, for nations are said to be at war not only when their armies are engaged, so as to be in the very act of contention, but also when, they have any matter of controversy or dispute subsisting between them which they are determined to decide by the use of force, and have declared publicly, or by their acts, their determination so to decide it.
In the Iliad it both celebrates and condemns war. In the last couple of books in the Iliad it has many examples of how it celebrates war. For example: in book 21 Achilles’ heart is bent upon evil actions and thus it drives him to insanity and causes him to act rashly and without honor. Yet the Iliad celebrates war because men gain Honor and Respect from the brave deeds and actions he performs in battle. Achilles had honor and he was respected and looked up to. It also celebrates war when it talks about how people died. When Paris is talking to Diomedes after he shoots at him, “A hit! This time it was no miss! I only wish it had gone into your belly and killed you!” These men Glory in war. But war has its consequences. Men, dear ones, friends die. Patroclos was killed by Hector, Achilles killed by Paris, and many others were killed. In a way this story is a tragedy because yes the Greeks win but what price do they pay to win? Mistrust, greed, hate, bitterness and pain are results of what happens when men are forced to fight for 9 years. Agamemnon steels Achilles’ girl and causes mistrust between the two of them thus when Agamemnon needs Achilles help, Achilles, because of pride, will not join the fray until close to the end of the war.
I believe war is a necessary evil! These men fight for 10 years over a woman and when the war ends Menelaos is almost willing to kill Helen, the very reason the whole war was started. They do win in the end but was it truly necessary? I guess because hey came out the victors over the Trojans.

This is for my Mythology class Final in college....so please give me some positive feedback......

Answer 1

Well, maybe it just needs better organization: for example, you say that the Iliad celebrates war, but in the very next sentence you give an example that has it condemning war... you could just switch that around and it would be more logical.
Also, your introduction seems to be a quote from a dictionary or encyclopedia... maybe if you put something before that, and extended the definition of war to ideas of "just war", or "wrongful war"? Even just a short quote from the Iliad there would make it would fit in more with the other paragraphs.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I think your essay needs more concrete examples, for instance the fate of the women and how it illustrates the evils of war, Hector's wife, for instance, or Cassandra, and you might also mention how then, the same as now, a "better" explanation for war is found than the real one, namely that the Greeks wanted control of the Dardanelles and the access to the Black Sea for themselves.

There are also reasons to believe that in the bronze age in Sparta the land actually was considered to belong to the women, so without Helena Menelaos wouldn't have had a legitimate claim to his kingship, which gives you a much stronger reason to go to war than her beautiful face.

I wouldn't worry about the style a lot, it's not for English, after all.

Answer 4

It needs editing, for one. For example, "In the Illiad it both celebrates..." should be shortend to "The Illiad both celebrates...". Though, I'd consider taking out the entire sentence; all you're doing is afirming the question and it doesn't *need* to be there. Also, all such phrases ("...in the Illiad it has...") should be edited to something else like "...the Illiad has..."

Further, the beginning of an essay with a definition is *very* cliche'd and, quite frankly, lazy. Since your instructor will have read thousands of these essays over the years, he (or she) is probably sick to death of the definition. Take the sentence out completely.

And, yikes! Check that second sentence! It's a DOOSY of a run-on. Edit.

Your pronouns in the sentence beginning "Yet the Illiad celebrates war..." don't match. Specifically "Men" and "he". It should either be "A man" and "he" or "Men" and "they".

"These men Glory in war." Good sentence but "glory" doesn't need to be capitalized.

Your sentence beginning "Agamemnon steels Achelies'...." is a run on. Check your spelling. Yes, steel is spelled correctly but you mean "steal". Edit.

Your statement, "I believe war is a necessary evil!" is superfluous. The question isn't asking about your opinions on war. Delete.

Also, I'd leave out your last sentence completely. Ending on the previous question is a very effective ending.

Aside from those suggestions, better organization. If it isn't due immediately set it aside for a couple days and re-read it. Chances are, you'll see things you want to explain differently or things you want to add. Writers go through this process endlessly....