What to do when you find another man incredibly attractive, but you are in a commited relationship?

Question

I am very attracted to another man, even though I am in a relationship. Is it ok to 'test' the waters, to confirm that I really am happy where I am? I am very confused right now. Primally, I feel I need to explore, but emotionally I feel like...well...I terrible person.

Any constructive comments are appreciated, please do not condone me...I know the ramifications of my thoughts.

Answer 1

I actually went out with my ex today. We've been friends since I broke up with him though... which was over a year ago. So today was the first time I saw him since then. And it was fun.

I too am in a committed relationship. And for some reason, I felt bad about hanging out with my friend. Yes, he is still the same very attractive person as I remembered from last year, which for some reason made me feel a little bad... even though I wasn't cheating at all. We just had lunch and went to the mall. It was obvious he still found me attractive too lol. I even told my boyfriend today that I hung out with him. He was cool with it. I really am happy to be with my boyfriend.

I don't think you should go after someone who you think is just attractive. Realize what would happen if you broke up with your boyfriend to go after this guy. You may be making a big mistake.

If things don't work out with your boyfriend, well.. there's him. lol.

Answer 2

So you want to have an affair in order to confirm that you are really happy where you are? That sounds quite odd to me.

Either you're happy where you are or you're not. If you're not and you want something else, then end the relationship. If the relationship is good then you need to suck it up and realize that this won't be the last time you will be attracted to somebody else. Better learn to deal with it. People will find you attractive and you will find people attractive. Will you pursue that each time it happens? I say that if you do, you'll end up very unhappy.

In this life, we don't get to do every little thing that strikes our fancy. Best to get used to that and get on with life.

But when you're in a committed relationship, you ought not to be testing the waters (as you say). You can't have your cake and eat it too... Not if you want to have successful relationships.

You're not a terrible person for having the feelings that you have. We all have feelings like that from time to time. It's what you do and who you end up hurting with the feelings that counts.

And if you're young and in need of exploration, maybe you should just date casually and not commit to any relationships?

There isn't any right answer here... It just sounds to me like you really don't know what you want. And in that case, I think I'd hold back until you figure it out.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It's interesting when people ask questions which can evoke a multitude of answers. You must be a very curious person. I can think of several reasons: Sexual Reasons: It's safer, especially today - to be in a trusting, committed relationship with one man and have sexual relations, then it is to have sexual relations with every Joe, Charlie and Harry that buys you dinner and a movie. Security: Dating several men all the time, doesn't really give you the same amount of security (emotional, sexual, etc) that having a monogamous relationship gives you. Pro-creation: It's easier to have children with a man that's committed to you then it is to run around with four baby's daddies. Plus, that's just not cute. Companionship: people want someone that they can grow old with. Someone that knows them, that complements them and they can experience life's ups and downs with. While you can do this with any number of people over the span of your life. You can't ask the guy you're dating at 45 if he remembers when you were 25 and went to that awesome resort together, because it was probably 120 men ago. Sad... I could go on, but seriously, wanting to be in a committed relationship isn't a woman's desire, it's a human desire.

Answer 4

What guarantee do you have that if you pursue this attraction you will not commit the same thing with him?

One of the reasons why we all have many failed relationships is because we always believe there is a perfect person (mr. right) for us.

To be honest, you are being selfish to the one you are committed to right now. You are not giving him the chance to be the kind of partner you want.

Every single day people better than your boyfriend today who has been the most better person so far will be born. You will meet them everyday. Hence, if you submit yourself to this vicious cycle you will end up with no one...no sense of satisfaction.

Unless you make your current commitments strong and develop it you will have a more meaningful life.

It's a matter of making things work out for the best and not thinking that the best things are already out there you just need to grab it.

Relationships are nurtured. We all change. That is the constant thing in this world. That being said, there are no guarantees in life at all.

Make a wise decision. Trust me, no one will ever be perfect for you even if it seems like he is because you will always aspire for something better.

Answer 5

Your question actually is your answer.

If you truly are in a committed relationship, down-times of attractiveness to your significant other are the times when your choice and your commitment should shine through the most.

If you find this other guy attractive, big deal; but if you choose to let it threaten or stop your current so-called "committed" relationship, then that is your choice.

It is all choice. Choice to stay with who you are with, or not. Choice to be committed despite tough times that get you down, arguments, etc.

No relationship will be perfectly peachy-keen the entire time. There will be rough spots. There will be periods when maybe you question it.

And that's when you have to make your choice.

Answer 6

This isnt a big deal! Being in a serious relationship does NOT mean you will never be attracted to other people. Im in a serious relationship and there are guys that occasionally catch my eye and for a brief second i think "what if" but thats normal!!! No, it shouldnt happen all the time and you shouldnt think its totally okay because then youll let yourself get in the habit of it... but really dont worry. The trick is to remember what you love about your guy. There will always be attracted men out there to tempt you. Its testing the strength of your relationship!! Think back on the first thing you noticed about ur guy... remember how you felt the first time you saw him, the first time you touched him. Honey this is normal you just gotta remember where you belong!!

Answer 7

this is really tough, Its natural to feel attraction to other people even when you are in a committed relationship.....but obviously you're not too sure if you want to stay in your relationship. if i were you I'd find myself, and what i really wanted before i continued any relationship. Now if you're married you might want to pursue some kind of couples counseling, but ultimately its YOUR LIFE and YOUR DECISION and you have to live with it not anyone else, be true to yourself. You know what and who will make you happy. good luck

Answer 8

Testing the waters is betrayal. Being attracted to someone else is not that abnormal, acting on them attractions is sabotaging your relationship. If you are questioning your relationship on another mans looks, you should get out of your relationship, let your man find a person who thinks more of him than someone who settles for him until someone hotter comes along.

Answer 9

its sounds as if your relationship is not as strong nor are you as committed as you think...if you are having doubts then there's a problem...but make sure before you tell your partner about this that you are ready to lose them. sometimes ppl are attracted to others mainly because there is something wrong in the relationship they are in and they don't know how to fix it....either way there is something lacking in your life right now just don't blow it with your partner because of some 'feeling' make sure of what you want before making a break

Answer 10

Well,if you want to "test the waters" and maintain a sense of character,leave the one you're with first...If character does'nt hold as much value for you,then cheat on him.But,if he wanted to "test the waters" with someone more exciting than you,and ;leave you as his back-up plan in case he did'nt like her(all without telling you),do you think you could possibly ever have any respcect for him if you somehow found out?Think about it before you decide.Your commited relationship is'nt really all that "commited",if you do not plan to honor it.