Now she's cheating?

Question

I don't understand my wife. She had a miscarriage and suffered from such bad depression that eventually I talked her into going into an institution for help. She got out and now I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me. When I tried to ask her about it she blew it off and then turned around and told me, "Well maybe me and him can make a baby." Is she blaming the miscarriage on me? We both went to the DR. before we tried to have a child. I'm so confused. Did I do something wrong???

Answer 1

Wow Trent, I'm sorry to hear about all that. You didn't do anything. I think she's just angry and confused. Maybe she didn't get enough help before she left. Either way, it's not your fault. If she's cheating now I would seriously consider some counseling. Keep your head up! <3

Answer 2

I can understand exactly where your wife is at this point. I went through the same thing 3 1/2 years ago. My husband and I had been trying for a baby for a long time, and when it finally happened we were extatic. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and went completely off the rails. (I had lost one previous at 14 weeks) Our marriage didn't survive, mostly because neither of us could deal with the loss together. I left and found comfort in someone else, and it is only now that I realise my mistakes.

As much as the loss has affected you, it will always be more difficult for the woman. I'm sure your wife does not blame you for the miscarriage, she is just lashing out and you are the easiest place for her to start.

I can't say whether she is cheating on you, she may simpy be seeking solice in someone. Don't rush into assumptions about what she's doing. Just be patient and talk to her. And if she won't talk, don't push her, It will come when she is ready. Its been a very difficult time for both of you and its something you need to deal with together, because if you can't lean on each other through this then the marriage has already failed, cheating or not.

Answer 3

A miscarraige is a really hard thing to cope with and no matter what anyone says there is always blame, whether it be yourself, someone else or both (usually both). Talking her into going into an institution, while you may have thought was helping her, can make her feel as though she has just been palmed off to someone else. So there may be a bit of resentment there. However it would have been a hard thing for you too, she needs to realise that shes not the only one hurting and that her actions are hurting you too. Have you thought about relationship counselling? Maybe you need to see someone together, to realise how the other person is feeling. If you think the relationship is worth saving. I have to say though if someone was cheating on me and threw it in m y face like that, I would be seriously concerned about the relationship

Answer 4

Ok, she may have physically had the miscarriage, but you both suffered it. Go to couples counseling...it appears that she may be blaming you for her miscarriage, when in reality, there are so many things it could have been, including her womb. She is probably still very depressed and angry about it and could greatly benefit from continuing therapy. Be supportive and go with her, you will benefit too. Good Luck, and I hope she isn't having an affair.

Answer 5

No, you didn't do anything wrong.

But it's what you do from here that matters... She sounds angry and I'm not sure what the motivation is with the comment about "me and him can make a baby...".

Sounds to me like you've got other problems in your marriage that are not necessarily related to this miscarraige.

For me, I'd be at or very close to the "deal breaker" point. She's actively having a sexual relationship with another man with the intent to "make a baby". That means no condoms. That means there is a health risk to you if you have sex with her.

I think I'd pull the plug on this one, buddy. I feel bad for you but there are other women out there who won't treat you this way. I think this is a deal breaker. It's not like you found out and she stopped and is trying to work it out. This sounds bad...

Find a good counselor for yourself. Talk this whole thing out and make some sort of decision about what to do. You deserve better than this but only you could decide that.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I am sorry to say I agree with you , and it is not your fault, I would have thought that her doctor would have explained a miscarriage is natures way of getting rid of some thing that is not viable. it can happen once or a dozen times there is no fault on any ones part, I wish I could tell you what else to do but I just do not have the answers, You at least have my deepest sympathy

Answer 7

Well i do not understand my wife either so you are not alone. Your wife is suffering from a emotional problem centered around the mis-carriage and is directing her anger toward you. She needs counseling and you will have to get her help with that. But to be honest she is a mess and most often woman who are like this are bi-polar and will be a nightmare to live with. I will be praying for you both.

Answer 8

I dont think you did anything wrong. I think shes still got mental issues that need to be delt with by a doctor. She seems to be deeply psychologically disturbed by the whole thing and even though deep down she knows that its not your fault she cant think of it like that because of the state that shes in. You need to get her back to the doctor immediately, because when she gets out of this state shes going to feel horrible about the cheating, etc. Try to be patient with her because she needs serious help.

Answer 9

trent. you havent done nothing wrong . a lot of women lmiscarriage. and dont do what she is doing she dont have no right to try to say this everyone hear knows this she is like a lot of others who thought the grass was greener on the other side but found out different. trent . wake up before you get stuck with another man,s child or even worse. . std. women dont seem to care anymore about vows in marrage till it,s to late . and once this happens it wont stop belive me it happen again and you didnt do nothing wrong to be treated like that . my opion?

Answer 10

she is hurt about the baby, and blames u for it, u did nothing wrong, not your falt. need to get some counciling, if she won't agree, don't stay in a mrriage like that, move on if u are being treated unfairly. seems she equates u and the marriage with the loss of the child.