am I exaggerating ?Should I be mad at my husband?

Question

My husbands company organizes a Christmas Party.It is party for about 300 hundred people( it is a big company).My husband told me that he is not allowed to bring anybody with him.This is a party just for the people from the company who my husband works for.Cheap company.I feel a little bit weird.Do you think it is ok?My husband went to this party yesterday.Should I be mad at him?
I didnt like the fact that my husband didnt even asked me about how I feel about it and he just went there and I stayed home.

Answer 1

If he was lying, then you have a right to be mad. Although, if he was telling you the truth...then doesn't he have a right to go to his Xmas party? Even if he has to go by himself?

Answer 2

My husband has a company party like this every year. It's Disney. So not exactly a "cheap" company. The party he went to cost like 300 grand or something.

I had no problem letting him go. Because

1) We have a good relationship.
2) Things like this are rare.
3) If I was in his position, I would want to go.
4) It's important for him to hang out with his friends once in a while. Just like it's important for me to do the same.
5) Any reason that I'd be mad at him, would be selfish ones. So, as soon as I felt annoyed, I realized, that it has nothing to do with him, but my own issues.

Earlier in our marriage, I probably would have been ticked. But then, I was younger, and I was also a little bit nervous that he didn't really love me. But now, after 10 years, I know he loves me. We've been through a lot, and we've come to understand each other. So now, I trust him and I don't worry that he might leave me.

Now that I'm not so clingy, he likes me more. He's said so :) And, to be honest, I like him more too.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

I know you feel a bit weird about this whole situation.

But the truth is, there are actually some companies out there that have these kind of policies. I worked for one several years ago, and I thought it was the most audacious statement a company could make, but there it was, in black and white. It was issued on company memo about two weeks before the party . "EMPLOYEES ONLY" I chose not to go.

Perhaps your husband should have asked you how you feel about it, but we all make mistakes, and we husbands are the worst ..

I don't know if you should be mad at him for not. Are you two getting along okay otherwise, in your marriage? I mean, if you are having problems otherwise, then this party thing may be a part of something else going on. Only you can answer that one.

Answer 4

I have heard of many many company parties where significant others are not invited. It's to save money. The choice is often: cancel the party entirely, or just invite employees. Usually the powers that be opt for the latter...it's really not a big deal at all.

That being said, it's kind of interesting that going to this party never came up in conversation, assuming that he just didn't show up for dinner that night or what...that DOES seem weird. I guess from your description I don't know the situation exactly, but I would be curious as to why he waited until the day after to tell you!! Even if it were just my roommate. It would kind of make me feel suspicious, like he was avoiding something; or maybe it's a way of expressing independence if he feels like you are being too clingy or something.

Ask him maybe, why he didn't mention it? And that you'd like to share information about his events more in the future? Even if you're not invited...just b/c you're interested?

Then get yourself more busy, right away. It sounds like you are dwelling too much on stuff and he may need more space. If I were in your situation I would join a book club or whatever, learn bellydancing, whatever. Tell him about it and when you will be gone, but have your own separate activities as well (if you don't already). Then it's fun to share what you did separately when you are together.

If he's unhappy with this arrangement, or if you would strongly prefer spending more time with him instead of taking classes or whatever but he doesn't feel the same way, you guys def need to talk, because you have different space requirements.

So in summary: office party banning spouses, perfectly normal; him not telling you about it, oddball antisocial behavior, but not worthy of anger at this point.

Answer 5

He's a guy. All the men I know aren't well adapted to being consistently senstive to others feelings every second of the day. It's not like he porposely refused to talk to you about it.

And even if he did talk to you about going to the party, what could he have done? The company can only afford to have a party for only its employees, not their families. That's understandable. Would you have rather him stay home?

The office party is just like a night out with friends. Give your man a little space to enjoy all the hard work they do together.

If you're still bothered by it, talk to him calmly. Tell him you want to go to romantic dinner or other adventures since you had to stay alone that night

Answer 6

Well, there's nothing to b mad about it. I understand you might b feeling lonely, and insecure. When he's in a good mood, discuss with him tat u felt very alone, and tat u missed him. Also, if you like going out with him, tell him to take his time out for you too. Dont be angry about it all, neither show him tat u are really upset about it. Just handle it well, and maturely. I'm sure he'll understand. There might be parties where only the workers of the company r invited and not the family. Take it well. And believe ur husband. If u've lost the faith in ur hubby, then, there'll always b chances of the relationship crumbling down. So, be frank to him, in the most polite way, and believe him, trust him.

Answer 7

Corporate america is not what it used to be. I had the same scenario with my company. You have to go to the party and make an appearence. But you do not have to stay long. I went to the party for 1 hour and then took my fiance out for a very nice dinner. Family is more important than work.

Answer 8

If it was after hours than you might want to find out more about their policy to see if they are family friendly. If they are family friendly than you have a problem.

If the party was during hours, than it's a work place and would be a 50/50 chance of love ones to not allowed to attend. Again you would need to find out if the company if family friendly.

Most large companies aren't that family friendly though. I would call and ask around but again that would be spieing.

This sounds like a trust issue of you to him and it sounds like a possible two world husband trying to keep you out of his job, yet some companies can have policies to Mandate his attendance and still have a no family clause. I would check or let it go. If you husband refuses for you to come to his office during normal business hours for anything; first you need to ask if have been to his office or called several times in the past and it's gotten him in trouble at work, secondly if it was no to the first, you need to think if you husband every allowed to his job on his own, and if that was a yes than you need to consider your over reacting.

Basically without details of past events, it's up to you to determine whether or not you claim to be upset is valid.

My husband unlessed order (he's military) will not go to a function for work unless I can go and I am not busy during that time. Basically he wouldn't leave me home.

Answer 9

I actually did work for a place that gave an employee party at a fancy nightclub and you couldn't bring a spouse.

Is it a deal breaker? If not, no sense in being mad about it.

If you really have a gut feeling that you can't trust him, you may be right, but it's still safe to lay low because if he's fooling around or embarrassed to be seen with you, it'll happen again.

Answer 10

Party for 300= A Party for 300 + 300 others....2A. It's simple cost cutting math and many companies are doing it. Members only parties. You want to be mad at him for not dissing the company and not going? Not a wise career move. You want to be mad over missing such a gala event with these weasels? What ARE you thinking? Gosh... whip up some fancy treats, open a bottle of bubbly, wrap yourself in tissue, sweatheart, and have your own party with him. I bet he votes yours the best.

Answer 11

Well, it would have been nice had he approached to you by asking if you minded, but I don't think you should be mad at him. Besides, how much fun would you have had being in a room full of his coworkers? An office party is sometimes a great way to blow off a little steam with your coworkers and lighten the office mood a bit. Now, if he was allowed to bring you and didn't...that would be reason to be angry.