I want a divorce.?

Question

I want to divorce my husband. I think he is an asshole. He is always mentally and sometimes physically abusive to me. I told him to get out,but he won't leave. Then I told him I am moving out of state;he told me I would not see my children 6 months out of the year.I think I take better care of the kids than he does,anyway. His mother really doesn't like me anyway so she helps him anyway she can. I do not want him in my life anymore,but I know his mother will influence him to get joint custody because she is a big fat ***** from hell. So much has happened to us;I really don't want go to counseling. I have tried with him. I want my children to stay with me.Because the longer I live with him,I feel like a walking contradiction. What should I do?

Answer 1

I need to hear his version of things before I can give any solid advice. But, frankly, from what I have heard, the phrase "it takes two to tango" comes to mind.

Answer 2

You feel you've tried everything.
You feel your marriage can't be saved.
You've got children.
You're thinking about moving out of state.
Hmmm... That last one sounds like a bad idea. Most states will stop you from even leaving the county, let alone the state, with the children. If you really want a divorce, you really should get some legal advice. Better if you can file first. But this sounds like it will turn into a huge mess.

If there is some way you can work things out on more friendly terms, I would do it. The last thing your children need to see is their mom and dad being jerks to each other. Remember always that in your anger toward him, it's only the children who will be hurt the most.

If he still wants to work on things, give that a shot. I know you feel divested and you don't want to do that. But at least you can honestly tell him that you tried and it didn't work. You really need to part friends if it can be arranged that way. Otherwise, you'll spend a ton of money and everyone will lose -- mostly your kids though.

Divorce is an ugly thing. Talk to divorced friends and find out what they did right or what they did wrong. Learn what you can from that. Talk only to divorced friends where there were children invovled.

No matter what you do, this won't be easy. I feel for you and your kids. Get counseling for yourself. Work through this with a good counselor. Get shut of this guy if you need to but make sure you've done all you can first. I've seen marriages come back from the dead before. It's not likely but it can happen. I've also seen horrible things happen with child custody. Best if you can avoid that whole scene.

If you think you are having trouble now, just wait until the divorce papers are filed and all the declarations fly. Nasty things happen in child custody cases. Avoid it if you can. Sit down together and come up with a parenting plan that makes sense. Attend classes if your state offers them. There are usually parenting plan classes you can take.

Hope all this helps. Make sure you know what you're doing. Find out what your options are and what your responsibilities are.

Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know -- but not always.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

There are many programs to protect and help victims of domestic violence (even if most of it is "verbal"). Contact one of them and a lawyer. They will find you and your children a place to stay that is safe and secret. DO NOT leave the children. While judges in the past "automatically" gave custody to the mother, now if the mother leaves the children behind, it can be considered abandonment, which then gives the father leverage. Besides, if he hasn't already, he may begin to abuse them; especially if you are no longer around to abuse. There is hope out there and you can begin again. Email me if you would like more info or just to talk. Praying for you and wishing you all the best.

Answer 4

I hope, for your sake that you've filed charges against him for abusing you, and even in some states abuse can also be verbal,
especially if there are threats.
If you haven't filed against him then, the next time he hits or even
grabs you (which is also considered abuse) call the police and have him arrested. This will be of great help when you file for devorce and for custody of your kids.
You need to find a 'GOOD' attorney, one who isn't afraid to go after men like your husband, and I'm sure there's one close to you who has that kind of reputation so check into it.
You need to start keeping a daily report on how he treats you.
What he says, and/or does when he gets mad at you.
It would also be a good idea if you could have a witness of some sort, like a sister or friend hiding in the closet.
Everything you can get against him will help you when you go through devorce, and make sure you date every incident.
His mother will always help him, thats what most mothers do,
so forget about her and focus on you and the kids, and doing whats best for them.
I actually bought a small 'hand-held' size tape recorder and taped
a lot of our arguements, and this was admissable in court and
really helped my case against my X, I did get custody of my kids.
But PLEASE look for a really good attorney.
If you don't have the money for one then borrow it somehow.
If you're determined to get a devorce than you'll do whatever it takes to get it.

Answer 5

Oh yeah been there done that.....the next time he hits you call the cops, (even if you have to pretend to go to the store or something, as long as it's safe) have him arrested on the spot (for family violence), go to a public defender (the very next day) with the case number and get a restraining order for YOU and YOUR KIDS. Tell them "You are in fear of you and your childrens lives", and you want to file for a divorce immeadiatly. You have to do this the very next day, before he is arraigned, so the public defenders can take your case before his. He will recieve a stay away order, and then get served with the divorce papers. There will be nothing he can do. He will have been arrested for family violence and have a hell of a time getting any kind of unsupervised visits with your kids. Only agree, that they have 2 hour supervised visits at a "Children's House". Good Luck baby.

Answer 6

I'd leave while he's at work, go straight to an attorney file for divorce, a restraining order and full physical custody. Tell them he abuses you in the ways he does, odds are so long as your a good Mother you'll get your kids, abuse or not on his part.

Answer 7

I would say leave him, definantly you dont deserve that scumbag,
next thing since he is abusive if u have bruises report it, so then he goes to jail, then he with have a bad record and your bound to get full custody over the kids, then after that I would get a restraining order on the asshole and then move,
prove to him you can stand up for yourself and that you can overpower him

Answer 8

Good for you, hon. The trick is to get out of the house, with the kids, and into another state before he files a restraining order. You can then file for divorce in your new state. Before he gets a clue of any of this, tho, go see a divorce attorney. They are sworn to secrecy, pay the $$ for the advise.

Answer 9

If you have documentation of the abuse you should win custody of the children. If you do not, that's another story. However, only a lawyer in your state can tell you. See an attorney.

Answer 10

Sue him for physical abuse, maybe get a restriction order or summat liddat. Oh and u can bring the matter up to court and let the judge and the jury decide who keeps the children

Answer 11

Your husband is not the decision maker for the divorce decree..
Judges almost always give the mother the kids....
You can file for divorce, he does not have to agree , just divorce him....Most states allow you to fill out your own forms and file for
divorce without a lawyer..
You can get the forms online...
Check online for forms and laws for your state...
Don't let him intimidate you....