I just realized I'm gay, but....?

Question

I hate gay culture as it is now, I am attracted to men, but I am a man, I dont want everyone to expect me to act like a queen, I dont want my sexual preferences to affect my everyday life, what should I do?

Answer 1

You can still be yourself and be gay.

Answer 2

Whether you like it or not, gay culture will influence you somehow. How much influence? That depends on you. So do not hate it but accept it as it is.

Now, no one is expecting you to wear make up and become a drag queen because you are gay. It is your life therefore you decide. There are a number of gay men who do not subscribe to the flamboyant gay lifestyle. When I accepted my sexuality, I continued with my everyday life. Most of my friends whom I told I was gay found me to the same boring person. They were expecting me to be more loud and colorful which is not me. I remained true to my personality and character. Why should I change? Because I should conform to the gay "standards" or stereotypes? Sorry I am who I am and will be until I die.

Answer 3

Congratulations.
Now relax.
You've gotten the hard part out of the way. No one expects you to suddenly develop a love for show tunes, Judy Garland or feather boas. Being gay is only a small part of who you are, the rest of you is still the same as always. So don't feel like you have to suddenly give up power tools for Barbra Streisand, football for ice skating, or beer for those frou frou drinks with the umbrella and chunks of fruit in them.
Just relax, you'll find that there are plenty of men out there just like you--who are attracted to men, but otherwise want no ties to the gay community. I'm the same way and there's nothing wrong with that at all. The gay scene isn't for everybody.

Answer 4

Your young so you probably don't know...
As you get older and you are living your quiet life...
People will just know what your preference is, unless you are one of the scared underground kind. (Not a good life)
I mean if you are living with a man..
going to the movies with a man...
walking with a man..
sitting in your favorite restaurant with a man..
How the he!! are people not going to know?
There are thousands of gays everywhere in every day life,
that don't stand out like a Christmas tree. They don't hide,
they just don't flame...and if you think the underground life
is for you....then never hug or kiss the man you love where anyone can see you. Never hold his hand, or sit too close
at the movies, never gaze into his eyes over dinner...
I'm sure you see my point.........I'm straight, but I have a truck
load of friends that have to live in this world too.
They choose to do it honest and open, come what may!
You're right, it is nobodies business. And who in their right mind would want their personal preferences affected. But this is the
real world, expect some bumps in the road.
We honor bravery in this country everyday.
Try and show a little respect for those who have gone before you.
I've lost many friends to the stupidity of hate and violence.
If your stepping out, be prepared to step up.
It's your life you'll be fighting for, and those to follow.
Good Luck young man, it's a hard life for us all.

Answer 5

There is alot of self hatred in the gay community especially by so called straight acting gays, because of the percievd decadence of the current gay culture. Some even refuse to Identify with the word gay (for many reasons though).
These are the following grievnces against the current gay establishment:

Decadence
Extreme superficiality
Materialism
Femininity
Flamboyance
percieved weakness
all the stereotypes associated with gays (especially effeminate ones) and this plays a major part into the whole story.
etc

These are just my observations of this community and to an extent some of it is true, it's a very complex issue
visit www.g0y.org yo might like them, however I don't
or http://www.heroichomosex.org/crw/frot/anal.html

Answer 6

you do not need to change who you are for the gay community or anyone else except yourself. if you want to change then do it, if you don't want to change don't. there are so many gay men that do not have a feminine personality. just because that is what you see on tv does not mean that every gay man acts like that. yes there are alot who are feminine but don't hate them because they are. just like you they are being theirselves and enjoying it. they are not going to change for you and they don't want you to change for them. whether your sexuality affects your everyday life or not is mostly up to you. you are going to have to come to terms with your sexuality and realize you are a minority and realize that no matter how manly you are there are going to be people who hate you because you are gay. that is an honest fact. but realizing you are now among an exceptional group of people that are very understanding and know what you are going through will help you a great deal. and you would be suprised that some of those gay men that are very "queeny" came be some very good friends and will help you out whenever you need them to with no strings attached. they are very strong people. they have strong characters and beliefs and they show no shame in letting anyone know it. well, just think about it. they are putting their true selves out there for the whole world to see knowing that the str8 finatics will have a field day with them and they keep on moving as if nothing were wrong. that takes a strong person. being strong has nothing to do with the way you present yourself or how str8 you act. it has to do with character. you have alot to learn but i think you will do just fine. just remember to accept people for who they are and not for what you think they should be and never turn down a friendship.

Answer 7

Ronin has a good point... Why do you think you have to act like a queen? since when was that a rule? ya know?

and about it affecting your everyday life... let's be honest now, does a day go by that you don't check out other guys?... that's you're everyday life, right? hehe.
dude, of course it will, but its up to you to chose HOW it affects your life. You can let it positively or negatively...
preferrably the former

Answer 8

No one says you've got to act like a queen. Just be who you are... if they judge, well, in the future, those are the idiots who'll be serving you fast food.

How can you hate gay culture...? It's so great! *smiles* If it was just like this loser hetero culture, it wouldn't be nearly as fun. Duh. Oh, and for a gay man, I find it a bit strange that you would use sexual PREFERENCE instead of ORIENTATION... you don't really "prefer," do you? It's not a preference. Not even when you're bi or omni... you don't choose to be them; you are. It's just that *INSIDE* those respective sexualities, you have the ability to choose whom to be with. I'm omnisexual, and I didn't choose to be omnisexual. I just am!

Most importantly, though... do NOT listen to religious crackheads.

Answer 9

Okay. I get that you want to be 'normal.'

But what you have to understand sometimes is that we didn't get to choose that 'normalcy.' That was invented by straight people, for straight people.

While you might not want to act like a 'Queen', it's those same Queens that risk their lives just for your right to exist...so try to be a bit more thankful. Okay?

When straight culture was invented, gays weren't thought of. AT ALL. We used to be, in more ancient times- but something got lost along the way. Sooo if you ask me, I'd like to be a part of something invented by gays, for gays. It's not perfect, nothing is- but at least I know that it's for me.

Answer 10

Start hanging around with different people..Not all gay people are queens...each man is different...some very masculine some not-so...I never let is affect my everyday life...it's just who I am.

Answer 11

There are plenty of str8 acting gay guys out there, in fact the majority of them are, the queeny ones are the obvious gay people and thats ok if thats how they wanna act but you dont have to , just be yourself, act the way you want to, JUST BE YOURSELF.