dont know whether to leave or stay?

Question

me and my husbandhs been together for 10 months and we get in the most fights and its all b/c i cant trust him. He cheated on me 2 monthes into the marriage and acts like he done nothing wrong. Yes i admit sometimes i treat him bad b/c of the hurt but what else can i do we are trying to give the marriage another try but everytime he leaves the house or his phone rings my mind wonders he dosent want me to ask hime eany questions so it makes it harder for me..... HELP ME PLEASE

Answer 1

I think the basic thing is you have to decide if you want to continue in the marriage or not; whether you can forgive him. You've had it seems like 8 months now to think about it and decide, and I would think you've talked about it in the past 8 months with him. If you haven't had a long discussion with him about the cheating, do that, so you can release all your pain and tears. If you have been discussing it and hashing it out with him for the past 8 months, then I would decide it if you want to forgive him or not.

If you want to forgive him, then I would do so and not mention it again as difficult as that may be to do. My dh and I have a 6 month statute of limitation rule which is basically a rule that after 6 months we will not bring up a mistake that the other person has made. This is very important when you are married, esp. after you are married for a long time, or you will be fighting all the time. We have been married for almost 20 years and dating for 4 years before that, so if we didn't have that rule, with all the mistakes we both have made, we could fight all the time. Every time we fight we could bring up all the mistakes we all have made over the past 24 years. So we have the "rule". So you can bring up a mistake someone has made for 6 months and then that's it, you can't bring it up anymore. I swear that has saved our marriage! (I did read that idea in some woman's magazine a decade or so ago and I would credit them but I can't remember which one it was!)

Also, if he does cheat again, then I probably would just end the marriage at that point. If he does it again, that probably wouldn't be a good sign. But I wouldn't treat him badly punishing him forever for what he did, or worry endlessly he will do it again which will only punish you. It sounds like you want an acknowledgement that he hurt you, and he probably wants you to move on and get over the hurt. Maybe you can tell him that you need him to acknowledge that he hurt you with the affair and that you feel that once you have heard that you will be able to forgive him and will promise him to (try) not to mention the affair or treat him badly because of it. Good luck!

Answer 2

You guys don't have a marriage, you have a fighting match. Cheating two months into a marriage???? Why did you two even bother??? What WERE you two thinking????? Go read some of my other stuff on what makes a marriage, hon. You don't have one. Do you stay? Only if you want an STD, and staying in the boxing arena...Sounds like you are both miserable, and that isn't what life ought to be about. What should you do? Call it even, file, and get out, until you grow up and are husband/wife material. At the present, all you would be trying to do is see who can make the other more miserable, at least this is what you have conveyed in your note.... Sorry, sweetie...

Answer 3

Even though he may love you, hes NOT the kind of man that you need to be married to, that ANYONE needs to be married to. Cheating is reason enough to leave but sometimes there are circumstances in which it is worth it to salvage the marriage.

THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES

He cheated 2 months into the marriage???!!! Married 2 months means your still newlyweds!! You should be having sex all the time and be on cloud nine!!

And do not blame yourself for treating him bad. Its 100% understandable.

You need to get out while you can. Each day that you stay it will become harder and harder and trust me you WILL end up leaving. But how hard to you want it to be? And do you want possible future children involved? You could have a great life ahead of you, but you need to get away from him now so you can enjoy it.

Answer 4

Honestly....When a man cheats on a woman and the woman takes him back without giving him any competition, then history will repeat itself.

If you love him and want to make it work, then you have to put whatever he has done to you, behind you. I know that its hard but if you want your relationship to work, then you have to think positive. I bet everytime you get into a fight with him, you throw the fact that he cheated on you in his face. You took him back, therefore you forgave him. If you knew or thought that you wouldn't be able to handle this, then you should've left him.

If you don't want to be with him, then leave him.

As per the no ask questions policy, you are his wife and if you are not allowed to know or ask questions, then I would definitely question your relationship.

I think that what you are feeling is a little bit of jealousy and insecurity. I don't know anything about you but if you have put on a couple of pounds since you've been with him, then I suggest you lose it. Fix yourself up. Look good. He'll start questioning you. When you look good, you feel good. Stop asking questions, just snoop through his things when he's not around.

Answer 5

well they say that when a dog goes wild that it will never be the same but all guys are not the same if he told you about the time he cheated he must have felt guilty if that is so you will properly always remember that time but you should not try to think of it jealousy is the number one reason for separation and divorce and if by chance he did not tell you of his cheating then he very well my be prone to do it again see how he got by with it once it is like you look down and see a wallet with $1000 in it and you think know one sees it but you and you pick it up and no one claims it so you get by with $1000 but you got a little guilt and the next day you find another one do you think or just pick it up see some guys go for just for the rush and some guys are just whore mongers so good luck to you any way you go

Answer 6

If you really want to work on this relationship you should go to couples counselling. Once someone has betrayed you the trust will not come back for a very long time. He has to be willing to accept the responsibility for what he did and honestly promise that he won't do this again. There are some excellent books on the subject of getting over a spouses affair, check the self help section at your local bookstore. In the meantime if he won't agree to go for counselling you should go on your own.
You will be able to decide after talking to someone who is in neutral territory whether this relationship is worth saving. Plus you will feel better about yourself. I sense you are feeling a great deal of despair and frustration and the only way to process these feeling is with professional help. A social service agency in your area will be able to suggest someone that will be affordable and will be able to meet your needs.
Good luck to you I know that in the end you will find the strength and the wisdom to make a good decision. God bless.

Answer 7

You don't trust him-----and for good reason. He's given you no reason to trust him. He cheated on you 2 months into the marriage and doesn't even acknowledge that he's done anything wrong. This is not going to work out. If you don't have trust-----you've got nothing. My advice to you is to separate and file for divorce. You deserve better than someone like him. As long as you stay and put up with it, he's going to have his cake and eat it to and rub your nose in it. Don't invest any more time in this relationship. Get out now. Just remember: You get what you settle for. Don't settle for that shi*. Find someone who will treat you with respect and dignity. Good luck!

Answer 8

He cheated on you two months into the marriage? Get out now! Seriously - there is no doubt in my mind that your life will be better if you get out now. He's a dog, don't waste your time and set yourself up for more of the same....

Answer 9

You need to end it before you have kids because if he can do that now God help you when you are pregnant and moody...cheating two months into a marriage is not a sign of someone taking your marriage seriously - cut your losses and run.

Answer 10

How much was he sorry for the hurt?
Is he trying extremely hard to make the marriage work?
You want the marriage to work.
But he needs to be pulling a power of work!