my husband always find a way to bring up that he want a divorce if we are arguing about the smallest thing or a disagreement come up about any thing the first thing he says is lets get a divorce i am getting to the point where i am tired of it i have heard this so much for the past year that i really am at the point where i am getting tired of hearing it its always the same everytime he ask for a divorce i wonder if anyone have any suggestions...by the way last year i found out he had met someone on line and was carrying on an emotional affair with that person he has a history of doing that over the time we have been together i have found this out now i am just sick of it and tired of living the way i am living with being threaten with a divorce everytime
2006-12-14 15:57:19 · 10 answers · asked by pumpkinpie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People don't become closer together by moving further apart. Whether or not he want's to go to counseling, either find a support group or seek counseling on your own. The only things that you can change are inside of yourself and it is usually the opposite of whatever behavior you exhibit with him. Learn how to relate to others in a healthy way even when they do not. Learn why and how you chose the mate you did and you will be surprised to learn his behavior has something to do with how you were raised. Most of us try to repeat the same mistakes we grew up watching our own mom and dad. We repeat familiar over what is best for us. Learn how to change it..... or get ready to repeat it with someone else if you do break up. It's about fixing yourself so that if this relationship can work you have to tools to do it. If the relationship fails, then you still have new skills to avoid the same or similar pitfalls by the choices you make.
If you already have children then they are watching you two and learning to repeat the same behavior when they grow up. Do it for yourself, your marriage and for them. It took me many years to learn this... take advantage of what I have learned.
2006-12-14 16:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by Bob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 24 is right. I hate to say it, but he sounds like he wants a divorce, but he's too much of a chicken to do it himself (maybe his family or religion would be disapproving or something?) so he wants you to do it and then he can blame you.
I have a feeling that maybe the longer this goes on, his behavior might get even worse. The online affair and divorce talk is pretty bad, but if you let him get away with that he may even treat you worse than that.
I guess you have to decide if you want to continue to get treated like crap by him and for how long, or think about making plans to end the marriage. Counseling is always an option you could try, but if he wants to end the marriage, he will probably sabotage counseling as well. A good friend's husband did that by either not showing up for the appts. or when he did he would argue with the therapist or not talk at all. She found out later he was having an affair the entire time and really just wanted a divorce. Counseling is just a waste of time and money when the husband wants out. I know the experts always recommend marriage counseling, but I say why bother if the husband has one foot out the door and his suitcase packed?
2006-12-14 16:19:43 · answer #2 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your story sounds so much like mine. So i am probably going to be the only person who ain't going to tell you to leave that loser. Unless you want to. But my suggestion is, maybe seperate. Let him think you are leaving him, see what he does. But only if you can handle the consequences of that. He could be just trying to threaten you for selfish reasons. The thing about him bringing up divorce all the time is that we speak things into existence. Have you asked him if he really wants a divorce.
2006-12-14 16:02:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear writer its just an opinion but if he is cheating on you I would find my lawyer and take your half and move on. In today's world he could bring aids or something worse home to you. I don't write lightly about divorce because God meant for marriage to last a lifetime. Find another start life anew there's many out there.
2006-12-14 16:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's trying to push you to make a divorce, so he can blamethe relationship break up on you if it ever happened. Sounds like you both need professional help or there isnt much for you both in the future
2006-12-14 16:02:24 · answer #5 · answered by 24 Hour Milk Bar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
next time have the divorce papers ready so he knows where you are at. it will put end to it either way he will sign and it will be done or realize he can not threaten that anymore
2006-12-14 16:02:31 · answer #6 · answered by Frank V 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he doesnt want to be married. It will only work if two people want to stick it out. You deserve to be married to someone who values you the way you do them. It doesnt make him a bad person, just not for you.
2006-12-14 16:00:46 · answer #7 · answered by winterblues 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotional affair? Oh please. Get some marriage counselling and stop watching day time tv and reading pop psychology books. Emotional affair? AHAHAHAHAH!
2006-12-14 16:02:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Liberate your self honey! You deserve more than him.
2006-12-14 16:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by Jem 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call his bluff and see if he is serious
2006-12-14 16:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by charmel5496 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋