I've been married for 20 years, in my 40s and have kept myself fairly fit. The last 5 or 6 years, my husband and I have not had sex. He doesn't seem interested and despite my advances, finds all kinds of reasons to "fend me off". I've suggested counseling, doctors appointments, etc, but it's no use.
Here's my delimma: I'm still young enough where I want intimacy with a man, not only for the sexual pleasure, but also the emotional connection that comes with it. I don't want a divorce, but the lack of physical contact is driving me crazy.
What do you think?
2006-12-14 15:53:42 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello Friend,
I too am the same predicament. It's been over 2 years since my fiance "lost" her libido. All of the advances and playing and begging on my part do nothing to relight that spark in her. We've been to sex therapist and taken prescriptions as well as not prescriptions to help us but to no avail. It's like someone just dammed up her desire.
No amount adult videos or novelty store merchandise has helped. I also have thought about cheating, but my love for her will not allow me to do such a thing. I have contemplated it over and over in my mind and it's not the "getting away with it" that bothers me, it's the act itself, and I simply can't do that to us.
What is more, sex with anyone other that your partner is only physical pleasure, the emotional and mental needs still will go unmet. Thus we would never reach the tip of Maslow's Pyramid.
I do wish you the best in your search for the "right" answer. If you find it, by all means, please let me know what you've found as I too am dilligently looking.
Peace & Blessings to you . . .
Nathaniel B
2006-12-17 03:54:18 · answer #1 · answered by Nathaniel B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't cheat if I were you it isn't very nice and you will feel really bad. You dont say if you are happy in your marriage despite the lack of sex etc. In any case, I would talk to your husband about the fact that you are considering seeking sexual pleasure elsewhere becuase he has no interest. You have already asked him to counselling etc but that hasn't worked. Maybe he has a problem downstairs that he is ashamed to talk about about. If he genuinly does not want to work on this issue with you, then you should be able to find intimacy elsewhere, like you said not just the physical but the emotional which I suggest you are not getting from your husband. Best of Luck.
2006-12-14 16:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by jtgot1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know that its not okay to cheat on your husband.
But i do understand your dilemma. I tried to put myself in that situation and honestly I think the same thing would be crossing my mind. Youre human. The most important thing is that you dont act on this. Maybe you should seek help by yourself first, if he wont go. Then maybe you can get help on how to get HIM to go to counseling with you. 5-6 years is a long time. 20 years is a long time too, it would be a shame to throw it all away, but yes you are still young.
Id say do the counseling thing by yourself first, as soon as possible. Get help dealing with this, and get help dealing with him. It could be that this isnt going to work, but you need to try as hard as you can, because he obviously has a physical problem or a deep emotional one. If it shows no hope, you shouldnt hurt yourself any further.
Dont cheat on your husband. The brief satisfaction youll get from the short lived intimacy of having a partner again is just that - short lived. Its nothing compared to the guilt youll feel afterwards. I sympathize with your situation, and I hope youll find the right thing to do.
2006-12-14 20:32:19 · answer #3 · answered by Christines256 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have to tell you you are in quite a mess. I am in a similar mess and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You should find out first if he is willing to leave or maybe both of you should just leave and then get together. The whole thing isn't fair to anyone but if the two of you love each other and want to be together then you should both separate from your spouses and move on together. I would not recommend going down the cheating road. Even if you are extremely unhappy. Cause if he isn't willing to leave and you are then you will be living a very unhappy unfulfilled life. I wish you luck!
2016-05-24 18:16:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you do want a divorce. Because what you want from your husband he is unwilling to give. If you want a marriage, intimacy is part of it. Otherwise, you, hon, have a roommate, and all he wants is a roommate, too. Since he is unwilling to seek counseling, and unwilling to be a healthy husband, file, hon. There are lots of great guys out there, really lovely, educated intelligent men, who, for one reason or another left a marriage and are seeking a wife.... we were never meant to live as long as we do now. 200 years ago, 40 was old.... the average age was 33. Ain't like that now, is it?
2006-12-14 16:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it sounds like you have tried most everything, then yes, if he is healthy then surely he is getting some action somewhere. The only problem here are the lies that would start. Maybe (if you don't want to get divorced) you can start an open marriage arrangement. You can both get satisfied elsewhere.
2006-12-14 16:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by togetheradecade 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry your relationship has gone down that road. I think your husband needs to wake up and smell the coffee. You need to tell him that the two of you can try and fix your relationship ( counseling etc. ) OR you are going to go find another guy. Just because you are married doesn't mean your dead.
2006-12-14 16:00:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if your hubby isn't getting sex from you, he's getting it elsewhere. That's not the sort of thing men just get tired of having, you know?
Either that or he is having problems with erectile dysfunction and is too embarrassed to do anything about it.
I suppose you could motivate him to either reveal his affair or deal with his embarrassment by sitting him down and telling him that you love him, you don't want to lose him, but you're lonely and sad and you desperately need affection. Tell him flat out that if he is having problems but is too embarrassed to seek help, you'll be left with no choice other than finding someone who will give you what you need.
Good luck.
2006-12-14 15:59:57 · answer #8 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wrong to cheat on your husband because it involves lying. Would you like it if you found out that your husband was sleeping with another woman all these years? Probably not. Lying hurts.
Now, if you were to tell your husband about it before you cheated and your husband was all for it, then you would not be cheating. Discuss your needs with your husband and hopefully you come to a resolution.
2006-12-14 15:59:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure why not but when you end up getting a Divorce you have only yourself to blame and I hope that you have fun in hell cause cheating on your spouse is adultrey and is a sin!
My little way of saying no!
2006-12-14 16:10:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋