before my husbad and i got married he was romantic. he would lay with me at night hold my hand etc...now that we are married he does nothing but sleep all day when hes not working! He barely ever talks to me..we have been married since august and have yet to even have SEX! we were waiting till marriage...well we never have sex because he spends all his free time either with his friends or sleeping...the only time he is romantic is on vacation...I need a little romance in my life! HELP!
2006-12-14 15:45:46 · 22 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been dating for 4 years engaged for two..lived together for two years!
2006-12-14 15:56:35 · update #1
Wow- I`m a trained counselor and I really don`t know where to begin here. You folks really need to see a counselor who can get more info and dig to the issues. I wish I could be of more help but any advice at this point is just guessing. Sorry....
2006-12-14 15:50:32 · answer #1 · answered by ethicsprof 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let your husband know that you are in need of some romance in your life. He's the only one that matters in this situation, and you should be able to relay this to him before things go to another level in your relationship. Dress sexy now and then for bed, and have a dinner for two without the kids once in a while to have some quality time with him. Walk up to him and give him a full kiss now & then telling him how much you love him to make him feel special. Hopefully, this will wake him up.
2006-12-14 23:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband never had or developed sexual chemistry. Would you have married him if you knew that? Romance is not sex, but romance is required 24/7 in a marriage. I don't get the impression that he is on the same page as you and thus totally unaware of your needs.
You are very vulnerable. If you were to run into someone, a stranger in pubic place (like a supermarket) and he started a conversation where he listened to you and paid attention to you....how would you feel?
2006-12-14 23:57:29 · answer #3 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could very well be a marriage breaker!! You need counsel ling immediately. I will tell you now, your husband is going to be a really hard sell to get counsel ling. It might work better if you went first (touchy situation though), but you will probably have a much better chance if you start out going separately, then go together when the counselor feels it time.
While a preacher is OK, I, personally, prefer someone who specializes in this type of problem.
2006-12-14 23:54:40 · answer #4 · answered by dulcrayon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are having this problem so soon after getting married. It usually comes later. Anyway, you both need to go to get some counseling. But first, go to him, talk to him (not fight with him), try not to blame him, try to stick with how you are feeling and tell him what you really need. you have to let him know you are not happy. And Explaine to him that it has to get better because no one in the world wants to spend the rest of their life witn somemone who does not make them feel special. Every one needs to be happy in their marriage most of the time. Good Luck!! Oh yea tell him that you miss really miss him that sometimes gets him. Tell him that old person he was made you the happiest person in the world.
2006-12-14 23:59:58 · answer #5 · answered by Julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, I have the same problem. We had great sex and as soon as we got married it tapered off to nothing. He really likes television. I have tried to keep a nice appearance, and I have had other offers, but I don't want to get into that. I think they are just lazy. What else could it be? It is a lot of work.
2006-12-14 23:54:20 · answer #6 · answered by Sunkist3599 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know women who have experienced this. Two of them ended up finding out their husbands were gay, and one was married to a drug abuser.
If you're not having sex, but he's spending a lot of time with his friends... I vote for gay, but with the excessive sleeping it could also be the drugs.
Since you haven't had sex, getting an annulment shouldn't be too difficult.
2006-12-14 23:51:12 · answer #7 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First step is to make him understand your feelings. This needs to be done without being too much aggressive. Create opportunities to be alone and dress up and talk in a way that elicits a good sensual response from your husband.
Considering the community guidelines, I wouldn't be able to list all "Things to do" here..
2006-12-14 23:51:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes they just lose interest. think up ways to make things a little more interesting. I always think of it as important for me to still look good for him, but he needs to do the same for me. Maybe a nice weekend away to spice things up? If you have kids, or a lot of stress in the house, that could make him lose interest too. You may want to suggest getting a little counseling --- if you're younger maybe he is just going through a phase where he misses the 'single' life ... make sure your marriage is a happy thing for both of you! :)
2006-12-14 23:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by suz_e_q_zee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this is your problem, but my husband tricked me into believing he was one way, after we got married I found out the real him. And I knew him for 4 years before we got married.
2006-12-14 23:50:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋