My husband and I recently found out he has a 1 year old daughter. He had slept with an ex girlfriend right before we got together. Four months into are marriage we were slapped with a paternity test for child support. We tried to see the baby .It was on her terms and complete intimidation from her parents. So now we are paying a lot of money , not seeing her , and his lawyer is telling him to kiss her *** to see the baby. It just doesnt seem right.
Can we go to court on our own (without a lawyer). Ask for joint physical custody. Have her name changed to ours. And have him put on the birth certificate. We want to be part of her life not just a paycheck. We live in california, Any advice? Thanks
2006-12-14 15:42:53 · 27 answers · asked by Taryn R 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Baby Names
Absolutley he has rights. I am so sick of people crying all the time because a man doesn't want anything to do with the baby but then when a decent man like your husband faces what he has done and tries to do the right thing they make it so damn hard to do it. You all need to get a different lawyer and find out what the statute is in cal about unmarried parents. I really hope this works for the child's sake. With a mother like hers sounds to me like you two may be her only hope.
2006-12-14 15:53:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't exactly know the laws, but that doesn't seem fair. Have you ever seen Gilmore Girls? One of the characters, who is engaged to another, finds out that, after breaking up with a girlfriend, 12 years earlier, she had a daughter, who was his. He was able to work out an agreement that they could spend time together, but that was it. No name change or anything. But recently, the mother of his daughter decided to move across the country, which was huge. His lawyer said that if he didn't have a presence in her life, fighting for partial custody would be somewhat hard.
Now your husband's girl is just one, and this girl was 12 or 13. So the presence thing may not apply. But, you may be able to work out a partial custody agreement, or at least some visitation rights, without going to court.
In the mean time, talk with your husband about the relationship he had with his ex. Were they engaged? Or did he somehow do something that offended her or her parents? There's got to be some reason that his ex and her folks are soo strict. And I'm really not insinuating it's your husband or anything, so you should also ask about her, and if there was anything restrictive or somewhat uncomfortable with her that might be causing this rift between your husband and his daughter.
Finally, do you actually have proof that there is a real child? Pictures could be forged, as could legal documents, and if she was on the verge of broke, this is all a consideration. I definitely wouldn't consider this, though, unless you were positive that something was up.
Having a child and being a parent is a wonderful experience, especially if your husband is the actual parent of the child, which he is. Make sure you help him take adavantage of this opportunity.
2006-12-14 16:18:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well that just hit a lot of nerves. My husband is in the same position almost only he was actually married to the girl for 3 whole entire months. She has his son who is now 6 and we have never seen him. We tried to kiss A** and i do not recommend your husband do that. It doesnt seem to work. If you guys are paying child support, you should have rights!! If your lawyer isnt helping, i suggest calling the District Attorney or the child support office and see if they can point you in a good direction. Ours has been very helpful when we need, but we can not afford an attorney right now to fight, and we live out of state. If you guys can afford to fight, i wish you all the best! This is a tough situation to be but i think your lawyer needs fired and a new one found who WILL get you your rights. You do have rights so long as you have not showen any cause for concern as far as ability to parent. Again i wish you the best of luck!!
2006-12-14 16:26:30 · answer #3 · answered by misty n justin 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you may be able to get visitaion, the name change.. no way the US allows the mother to give the child any last name, so that will not happen. Also in the US a birth certificate can not be changed or added to after it is filled to he can not be added, he needs to ask for leagal, notarized prrof of paternity if it is not given he should not have to pay child support. California is pro mom so dont think shared or joint custody rather every other weekend for a day visitation and son judges may choose becaus eof her age to do every week 1 day for 3 hours. Also all visitations for the first few months will have the mother and possibly a child theropist there as it will alow her to adjust to the new people she will have to go with, that is ineveitable
2006-12-14 15:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try contacting the California attorney general first (they should have a website). He does have rights. It is not right. I am not familar with California law. Texas law would not help you. Here you could represent yourself but would not be advisable. If there is a court order ordering child support, there should also be one regarding visitation. I'd not bother with changing her name as it most likely won't happen. You SHOULD ask for joint custody and the sooner the better.IF paternity was established then it should be on her birth facts at this point if not on the original certificate. Start with the attorney general and they will point you in the right direction. You can get low cost attorneys to help you if you look in the right place. The right place being law schools first and move on from there. Be forewarned, even a custody document won't make her give the child over. We have one and the exwitch still plays game and is in contempt of court. Keep good records. HEre is the California attorney general's website. Good luck.
2006-12-14 15:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by CHERI S 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you can go to court pro se (on your own). DO NOT DO IT, though. This is is a specialty area of law that some lawyers won't touch, so a layman should definitely leave it alone.
Having the baby's name changed sounds excessive.
He already has an attorney, according to your question. Ask him to rate your chances of prevailing in a petition for joint custody and to have the birth certificate amended. As a matter of equity, I don't see how she can have it both ways ("your check is good but your presence isn't!"). The phrase "best interest of the child" is going to be bandied about quite a bit.
Talk to your attorney and don't take advice from a bunch of nonprofessionals on yahoo.
Except for me :P
Good luck
2006-12-14 15:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Rights vary from state to state, but clearly, where there is not a totally amicable situation I would NOT got to court without a lawyer. You may make a mistake now that could be very difficult to overcome later. There are too many twists in domestic law to try to figure it out as you go and the stakes are too important--this is lives of children--not just money.
2006-12-14 15:49:03 · answer #7 · answered by Stuff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not in the state of California. If your husband wants partial custody he is going to have to get a lawyer to go to court with. Also it is up to the BIRTH mother to decide if she wants him on the birth certificate and up to her if she wants to change the child's name. YOU however don't get any say in the matter as the child is not related to you.
2006-12-14 18:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If i am not mistaken you can go to family court and file a petition to get joint physcial custody. sometimes you really don't need a lawyer, as long as you have proof the child is yours. and you have a good family life . yes the father does have rights to see his child. there are a few places you can call or look on the interenet for where to start.
2006-12-14 15:49:00 · answer #9 · answered by Andie F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is paying child support he has the right to go to the local family court and petition for visitation or partial custody. The judge will basically set visitation agreements and the baby's mom will have to obide, That CHICK ABOVE ME WROTE A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING - believe me go to family court and petition they will help he can even get law help thru them
2006-12-14 16:21:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋