I had my baby 5 months ago. Ever since then my friends have acted like I fell off the face of the earth. I really got my feelings hurt yesterday b/c me, my husband, my friend, and her boyfriend were supposed to go out to eat tomorrow night for my birthday. We've been planning this for a month. She emails me with a a lame excuse and backed out. She's even been 5 minutes from our house shopping and didn't even call so I could meet her and visit with her. It's just hurtful. I still want to see and talk to my friends. Has this happened to anyone else out there? Did your friends ditch you after you had a baby? What do you do?
2006-12-14 15:41:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I've already told them in a jokingly manner that my feelings were hurt. I thought they'd get the hint. I keep telling them that just b/c I had a baby doesn't mean I don't want to talk to them or hang out with them from time to time.
2006-12-14 15:47:58 · update #1
I guess this is super common! All of my friends (except those with children) ditched me after my daughter was born (she is 14 mos now) I even live 2 blocks way from one of them and they can never make the time to come over. I can only assume that they are freaked about the baby. My suggestion is to find a mothers group (Churches and Synagogues have them) and meet new friends. Child care is usually provided so it makes it fun and baby free for 30 minutes or an hour!
2006-12-14 15:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by Lib 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I was the first out of all my friends to get married and have kids. Most of my friends disappeared cause we didn't have much in common anymore. They slowly started to come back once they got married and had kids though. I guess you should talk to them and call them up and stuff. It takes two to make a friendship work. If they mean a lot to you, just keep in contact with them. And if you mean a lot to them they would do the same. If not, then it's time to make new ones.
2006-12-14 23:48:56 · answer #2 · answered by jade_143 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!!! we were suppose to be BFFL she moved a way but we still called each other all the time.I didn't tell her when I got pg after i had my baby she called and wanted to come over b/c she got a car.she came over and i got the baby from his bed (in the living room) her eyes got as big as soft balls she asked if he was mine I said yes she said she had to go busted her but to get out of my house and I haven't heard from her sense that was 13 yrs.ago there isn't a thing u can do they just cant deal w/ the fact that things change just leave her alone maybe she will come around.but in the mean time enjoy that baby they don't stay small for long. I hope that this helps
2006-12-15 00:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by notes from an angry white chic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could call your friend's boyfriend and ask him if your friend us upset with you for any reason. If there is a reason at least you will know and can work out what to do about it. Some people think that talking about babies is 'uncool'. Make sure you don't bore everyone with talking about children all the time, especially to people who aren't parents. Hope you have lots of friends soon. Play groups are great for someone to talk to.
2006-12-14 23:50:44 · answer #4 · answered by Ripplediane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It happened to me somewhat....there are friends that have stuck around but it's definately different. Part of it is that I'm one of hte only ones that is married so far and the only one that has a baby. It kind of changes things somewhat. I don't know if it's maybe a situation where your friends don't feel like they can relate to you as much? I would definately join a moms group if you haven't already - made alot of friends that way. I am sorry that your friend hurt you in that way. I am not sure of a way to solve it but just wanted you to know that you're def not alone.
2006-12-14 23:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by kristina807 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're living on a completely different level now than a single, childless woman is. She's probably uncomfortable, wondering if you have anything at all in common anymore, feeling like the stuff she has to talk about is superficial compared to your baby. She may also be jealous if she's at all baby-hungry.
Friends drift as our lives change. Good luck, you'll want to find new friends whose lives are more like yours now.
2006-12-14 23:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look to yourself. Have you changed since having the baby? Sometimes we get so caught up with the new "family" life that we forget that our single friends are not interested in hearing about feedings, diapers, etc. Call your friend and be honest with her. Ask her why she is staying away. If she won't try to work this out with you then she was not a friend to begin with.
2006-12-14 23:46:05 · answer #7 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey...I am on the other side of this!! I don't get invited because I don't have a child. My husband and I both feel left out all of the time.
Try talking with them (if they are good friends)...maybe they feel like I do!
2006-12-14 23:55:20 · answer #8 · answered by tellme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes that happened to me and they use the excuse that i should be home with my husband and baby which i resented very much. eventually they quit calling and visiting completely after 20 yrs of friendship so i guess they arent very good friends huh. i made new friends since.
2006-12-15 00:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah i know how you feel..i had my baby almost 5 mts ago (on the 23rd) and my very best friend keeps making plans then dropping them on very last second then id have to do them alone.....
one time when my son was only i believe a month old me, my son,my best friend and her sister went to the mall. the whole way there she was going on about how bad my clothes look and how i should be a sexy mom instead of a raggy one (she dont know what its like a month after giving birth i was still in great pain!)
while shopping my son woke up to be fed so i went into the bathroom to feed him that stopped her somehow from going to stores ...so she got mad and told me maybe i should just bottle feed him because it would be alot easier ...then she told me now she wishes i never got preg and maybe its not cool i had a kid...
then walking home she went on about how i need to stop breastfeeding him so i can drink and party w/ her (i dont party..i never have and i dont care to) she once again went on about how i dress and how she dont like my bf so i blew up on her and started yelling....
3 mts later we decide to hang out n go to our old school ...i went to her house to meet up and go and she said i cant my bf just got here ...so i went alone ..she told me to come back over i told her i would but i just went back to my bfs house....
basically if their going to ditch you for dumb reasons you dont need them ! i got 3 friends who are staying true out of the many i had....it's their own prob...as long as i still got my fam ,son , and bf im happy....sorry if thats not advise...but i know how you feel.
2006-12-14 23:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by turco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋