Obsessed with my Ex and how he treated me.?

Question

My ex and I have two little girls..a 2 yr old and a 10 mth old. When I was pg with my 1st, he broke up with me only to ask me to get backup together before the baby was born b/c he wanted to be a family. Didn't last long. I found out he cheated on me 4 months after we got back together. After we broke up I found out I was pg again. During this pg my daughter and I had nowhere to go so I had to live with him. This killed my spirit completely b/c the whole time all he did was sleep with lots of different women. I begged him one morning not to go to another woman's house and lay up with her and to stay with me and our daughter but he didn't care and went on.

I've since moved to another state and my ex gets the girls every other month but everytime I see him that pain in my heart returns. I think and dream about how he hurt me all the time. I know that any man who would treat a woman this way is a coward and must have emotional issues.

How do I finally get over this hurt for good?

Answer 1

You don't ever get over the hurt. You just figure out how to put it on a shelf and go on. I was married 15 years and had 3 boys when I got divorced. I married my 1st love, was a virgin, the whole nine yards. I have been divorced now almost 2 years and it gets easier but there are still times when I cry for him and I think my heart will break. It is at those times when I unshelf all the trash that he heaped on me over those 15 years and I am ok after that. I also reflect on how much happier I am now, my life has true peace and comfort and Christ is present in my home and in my life and that didn't happen when he was here, even though we were tremendously religious.

You are right about him being a coward. They all are when they give up their family for the trashy lives they would rather have. But ya know what? Since getting a divorce, I have moved to another state to be closer to my parents, I got a good job, and a brand new car in Sept. What does he have? SQUAT!! He lives in a pop out 5th wheel on his brothers lot, has to go to the garage to pee, got his car repoed, and has a crappy job and is so far behind on child support his grankids will be paying his debt.

So tell me who is better off.

Don't waste any more emotion on a loser. He doesn't deserve that from you. He deserves what he chose and someday he will realize what he gave up.

Answer 2

With time, and one step at a time.

I'm so sorry about this. It will take a while for the hurt to subside and for your heart to heal, so be patient with yourself and allow the time you need. I think you are right, that he has issues. Try to remember this and remind yourself that his way of treating you wasn't reflective of your own worth. Your going over this in your mind is normal, but will not change what happened and is only robbing you of the energy and sense of peace you deserve.
I think what could help is keeping in mind that your life can now be much healthier, for both you and your children. Try to focus on them, but still take care of yourself. Your children come first, but don't lose yourself in the role of mother. If you can, try to take up an activity or hobby you might enjoy, connect with others, form supportive friendships, treat yourself to a facial or massage...expect that you will fall into sadness and heartache sometimes, but that it will get better. For the children's sake, try not to speak negatively about him though you might feel hurt and angry.
Give yourself time.
Wishing you all the best.

P.S. I disagree with some of the other replies in respect to finding another person. I think you need time for you, and I don't think you would be in the right state to begin a new relationship, because even if it could hold the potential to be very good, it might not be the case due to how you are feeling right now.

Answer 3

Think about your daughters. Think about how you would do anything and everything not to seem them hurt. Make yourself strong for them and teach by your actions that a woman can be strong to raise children up alone if she has to, with caring loving family and friends around them. That women can and should demand respect from men. If you do this your daughters will learn by watching you how it is done, and you can hopefully save them from being hurt by men like this. They will figure out just like with everything else there is good and bad, not everyone is the same and there is nothing we can not get through.

Answer 4

Sweet Heart I wish I had a magic want to make it go away. But I cant do that. I can promise you this though, it will go away. They only thing that it takes is TIME. But, there are things you can do during this TIME to help. When the kids are with him, go out with your friends,go out on dates, get dressed up just to make you feel good about yourself and have yourself a great time most of all dont forget to LAUGH (i bet there was not much laughing with that last one). To me laughing is the best thing in the world. Oh yea and when he comes to pick up the kids make sure you look your best so he knows what he lost. Let him eat his heart out. You see your the mother of his kids and nothing comes close...but he is an ****** and deserves nothing good. So make him eat his heart out. I promise pretty girl this will pass maybe not as fast as we want but it will. Next time pick yourself a good one because guess what, (this is sad) we tend to pick the same kinds of guys over and over. You put a stop to that. You check them all out and don't fall in love with the first man that you go out with. Take your time. Believe it or not you are better off with no man than a rotten one and that is a hard fact. Good Luck and I sure wish you and them babies the best of luck! JuLie

Answer 5

I'm sorry this happened to you. I am very careful about not giving a man my heart after being hurt over and over. You gave up your power to this man. Take it back by taking back your heart. Just don't give a d--- what he does. Lead your own life away from him. Get other interests and other men. And be careful. Sometimes we repeat our mistakes over and over. I got to the point with my last man that I just did not care who or what he did. I saw other men and had a job I thought about. You can't be with a man that does not care about your feelings. As soon as you realize this about a man, leave. You have to love YOU more than any man. Just love yourself first, and that means you protect yourself. If a man is not caring about you, you leave, you forget him, you move on.

Answer 6

i wish i knew. i was hurt by a guy, he cheated. and i was sooo angry with him. i still am, months later, if i had the opportunity to, i would beat the hell out of him. it hurts so much to picture it in my head ( though, it wasnt sex, it still kills me). i dont think they know how they make us feel sometimes, and i also dont think they care alot of times. they tell us to not think that every guy is bad news. but if they were ever in a relationship with a guy they loved and trusted who only ended up killing their hearts, they would know why we are so scared.
i dont know how to get over it for good. finding someone who truly respects you is the only thing i imagine would help. but i havent been so lucky just yet.
try to keep yourself busy and not think about it as much, i know...TRUST ME I KNOW...how difficult it is. im still dealing, but the thing i have seen that helps is actually focusing in on what a jerk he was. then you will realize as hard as it is, your better off now, and if you feel you are at rock bottom, remember the ONLY place to go from there, is up. and you will. keep your life busy. remind yourself you deserve better. keep moving on through it and be strong. thats all you can do. good luck. i hope you can get through it just as fast as i can.

Answer 7

You just make a choice.....decide that you are going to get past it....and do it one minute at a time....it will turn into an hour at a time...then a day at a time....Just keep going and speak to yourself about your decision....keep telling yourself how you are worthy of so much more....and never let anyone take advantage of you again. Be an example to your girls of what you want them to be.....Strong and independent and o-kay......They will watch and learn from you how to be a woman.....Teach em good!!!!

Answer 8

Trust me, it seems like the pain will never, never end; but I promise it will. I was hurt beyond words. I can now honestly say I think about it without all the raw emotions and think about how blind and stupid I was. It will, I PROMISE, get managiable and you will be a happier person and glad you left.

Answer 9

It takes time. Dont worry about him anymore. You might need to find a hobby or a partner yourself to keep your mind occupied. Sympathy goes out to you for what that -beep- did =)