She came with nothing,from her fathers house snd we wiped the slte clean, I bought her a car- she is ruining it, not much in the way of apprecaion, and she is failing college - what do I do?
2006-12-14 14:56:10 · 5 answers · asked by FontOfUselessKnowledge 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sounds like she needs tough love. The more you keep giving her things and bailing her out the less she learns to stand on her own. Take the car away and let her start depending on herself for a change. Tell her that if she fails then she'll need to get a job and pay for her education herself. She'll be very angry with you and fight you all the way but she'll learn to be an independent person and respect herself and YOU in the end. Best of luck to you :)
2006-12-14 15:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by Angel R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a granny and a firm believer in making kids learn about the consequences of their actions. I don't know if she had everything "handed" to her at her dad's house, and I don't know whether or not you are trying to buy her affections by showering her with expensive gifts, ie; the car. Appreciation is earned only after a person has been deprived of something. If she's not going to college, then I'd have to lay down some hard rules... tell her to move back in with her father, at the risk of making her mad at you.... do it scared. Parents often run the risk of their kids' anger when they try to teach them valuable lessons in life. My mother always told me ( when she spanked me) that this hurt her alot more than it did me... and she was right, as I learned when raising my own kids.
Your daughter is too old to be spanked, obviously. If the car isn't in her name, I'd take away the keys... make her pay the insurance on it herself, and tell her that if she's not going to apply herself in school, then she needs to get a job and pay you rent for her up-keep and household expenses... teach her responsibility, not dependency... Good luck!
2006-12-14 15:16:09 · answer #2 · answered by P B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for someone to appreicate all that you do for them, when you are basically handing it to them on a silver platter. They do not have to do anything to earn what is being given to them or being done for them. You will have to lay some ground rules for her to earn the priviliges that she is being given. If the car is being ruined give her an ultimatum that if this doesn`t change, you will sell it and buy her a bicycle. Also, if the grades are not brought up to passing, she will need to get a part-time job to help pay for her education. If she has to work for everything instead of having it given to her, she will appreciate it more in the long run.
2006-12-14 15:03:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop paying for everything. If she wants to go to college, make her take out loans. You can set up a deal with her that if she graduates, you will pay back a certain amount of loans. Make her learn to stand on her own two feet. It will be the best thing you can do for her.
2006-12-14 15:02:56 · answer #4 · answered by Suzie Q 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sometimes kids are forced to study college even they dont like it..... let her live for awhile and hopufully she will learn from her mistakes.... bring her to an institution that supports kids that cant study in college because they are poor.... just ish this experience will let her see the reality....
2006-12-14 15:07:34 · answer #5 · answered by bugi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋