What do you think of my poem??

Question

the hope was too much

i finally thought i had it
i dreamt of it all summer
i would finally get
what i wanted for years
your friendship
the time was right
finally
i was no longer obligated to anyone
i gave up years of my life for selfish people
and i no longer felt the eternal, unwarranted guilt
i paid the dues
that i never owed
you all liked me
i always liked you
and for these last few months we were together
i hoped we would be friends
but
the hope was too much
i was weak
i could never bring myself to cross
the imaginary line
that exists
between us
in my mind
is the line real
will i never know
will i ever reach out and touch it
or am i creating it
with my inhibitions
the thin line has turned into a wall
that has kept me away from you all
for so long
can i ever scale it?
i doubt it
if i could not cross a line in 12 years
how can i scale a wall in four months?
even when you reached out from across the wall
i never could reach you
i got so close
and you came closer
so many times
my heart and mind wanted to go to you
but my arm wouldn't move
and i guess you gave up
and now so have i
and now you are on your side of the wall
i mine
you go on
my optimism is gone
because now i think its over
i become
frustrated
shy
bitter
regretful
and hating myself
everyday drifting further away from myself and the world
i so wanted to be a part of
and the hope has faded from me
once a suitor of your friendship
i am now a lonely, regretful hermit
sonn we will scatter
from our small town
to the big world
and i hoped
that i could spend my final days here
with all of you
but that was not to be
i feel whatever was is over now
and
in the end
the hope was too much

Answer 1

it's good that you somehow shows your deep feelings here in your poem. You have learned from your past, even though you think you have no chance to change all the things you regret, still you have another time not repeating it anymore.

And you just contributed also a good idea for everybody who is concern of living profoundly in this world. You just make things clear what is life, love & struggles all about.

Proving a high emotional level...gee!!! that is great!

Answer 2

I kno u are trying to get your emotion and whatever else may be going on out and your just trying to write and a uniqe way that when u finish makes what ever the emotional struggle it was you statred with when you began writing it mes it go away, but the issue I see with it is you make it very clear what you are going through and thats great if you are only showing this to whom ever you are frustrated with but if you're going to show it to many people and ask for an opinion you don't want to bring them in to your problems tell them in like in a book but like creatively write so that you are writing in a way of message, you still state your frustration but in a more hidden way to the reader. So that all the reader sees is this magnificent interesting poem, while u see the same thing but u kno the true story behindthe words. Ihope you understand and If iat allhelped yuou Ihope you can at least help me with my questions

Answer 3

It's too long for my taste. I mean for real, free verse becomes just too stilted and hard to read if it goes beyond a certain length. Stuff this long only works when the topic is very well defined like a Bukowski narrative. This stream of thought stuff could be condensed and read allot better. But in the mean time, I do hope you get some rose colored glasses.

Answer 4

i to am a poet, iv even had a poem i wrote published...and i actually keep a copy of ity on me all the time!:D...
i think your poem was beautiful...u can tell u really put though and emotion into it...you seemed to be a very depressed person..u need to cheer up... the only thing with your poem is it doesnthave much rythem to it..but its still good..
if u want to hear any of my poems let me know on msger or something id love to ehar other poems u have writen
[e-mail]

Answer 5

too long.... I'm sure it's good, but with it being so long it makes people lose interest before reaching the end. Try to keep it shorter next time. I love poetry... I'm sure you put a lot into it.

Answer 6

Wah, wah, wah, damn cry-baby poets. Cheer the f*ck up. life ain't that bad.

Answer 7

You sound depressed... is this real ? you gave it soooo much feeling.

Answer 8

wowowowowowow that was great!!!!!
I loved it it was great it really made me pick up what you were puttin down

Answer 9

TRY SOMETHING ELSE