Do you personally feel it is alright to divorce a husband/wife IF one party became severly brain damaged and?

Question

was CAUSING YOU A LOT OF STRESS AND YOU HAD KIDS TO SUPPORT...so you felt he/she would be better off in a caring home..PLUS YOU ARE LOSING YOUR HOME BECAUSE OF THE ACCIDENT THAT you did not cause??? some people say NO, but they have not WALKED IN MY FRIEND'S SHOES...i feel because i HAVE SEEN it, it is fine..i feel it is a lot better reason than just "we could not get along", or "i found out she/he was different than what i had thought"...or "it was mutal"...or he was a drug addict"...DON'T YOU THINK IT IS OK??? her and the kids DESERVE A LIFE>>> i am sorry about his being cut short..i really am...

Answer 1

That is a loaded question. I think only the person who is in that situation will find the right answer thru prayer.

Answer 2

My husband is brain damaged due to a stroke. He lost his ability to communicate verbally and in writing and is right side paralyzed. In the 7 years since this happened I have seen a lot of marriages in the caregiver/survivor world grow stronger and a lot of marriages fall apart. In my opinion, if you had a good marriage before the brain damage occurred the spouse is going to hang in their and live up to the marriage vows. If the marriage was not good, then the spouse is apt to file for divorce. Your relationship changes when one person becomes brain damaged, obviously. But that doesn't mean that the one who isn't won't or can't step up to the plate, do the right thing and find meaning and fulfillment in doing that. I personally would ever trust getting involved with a person who says they could walk away if asked this hypothetical question. They don't know the meaning of love and commitment. Would they also walk away from a parent or sibling in the same situation? How could you be happy with a person who you know will cut and run if things get tough?

Answer 3

First the wedding vows are; "For better or worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live." But, then there are reasonable limits.

I don't know how seriously brain damaged the person is but the Terry Shivo case is a good example of when those limits are met. I felt that the husband was correct, and that her eventual death was just the conclusion of her illness. For all intents and purposes she was dead to the world and had no hope for a meaningful recovery. In that case then it is permissible to get a divorce. The vows say, "till death do you part." You can interpret that to mean when they are brain dead, or so out of it that they are dead to the world.

The brain damaged spouse is a drain on the resources, and if she is going to be like that for the rest of her life then it is cruel, but it may be the best thing to put them into the care of the state. In an ideal world the living spouse would take care of his wife, but we live in a flawed world and things are not as good as we would like them to be.

IF the brain damaged spouse is dead to the world.
IF there is no chance of a meaningful recovery.
IF taking care of the spouse is harming the other spouse and their children.
Then I see no other option that divorce.

Answer 4

Wow, that is a pretty heavy subject. I believe that a good solution would be to put the person in a home for proper care, divorce if necessary but to be absolutely sure that the children remain active in their parents lives (both the sick and the well). In no way should the parent child relationship be compromised. If there is a possibility of saving this family, I would suggest some therapy and support groups for the well parent and children to deal with the other parent's disability.

Answer 5

Marriage is for better or for worse. I don't think it would be fair to the husband. If your friend is not complaining, why are you? If she divorced her husband now because of his situation, think of the example she would be setting for her children. Besides how could any decent person kick their spouse when they are alreday down. You need to find someother way to help your friend outside of advising her to leave her husband. If she is stressed out watch the children for her so she can have some alone time, you know help her out with her daily responsibilities. I understand that taking care of some one who is brain damaged is not easy. Let the decision be hers, if she feels she cannot handle the responsibility then maby she should put him in a home, but if she decides no to then be a good friend and help her out as much as possible. think about this, would you want to be put in a home if you got hurt in an accident?

Answer 6

YES< YES < YES ,,, go for the divorce, people divorce for a lot less these days, an d when CHILDREN are envolved THEN YES DO what is right for them if he is severly brain damaged then they would not be hurt by it because they would never know or understand it dont let that persons family make you feel guilty because of there feeling s theres is normal but not not right for you or the children,,, GOD knows ,,, Just PRAY about it and i am sure you will see ,,,

Answer 7

NO, it's not alright, when you get married you say vows to each other, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in SICKNESS & in health, as LONG as you BOTH shall live.

btw, you go off on too many things in your question. If my wife was severely brain damaged, I would never divorce her, no matter what our financial circumstances are, even if I have to support the kids. I'm her husband and I support and love in good times and bad, in sickness and health.

Answer 8

You're really not sorry about his being cut short. Here's the deal- the best thing would probably be to get the divorce- but you can't do that AND be popular too! So make the hard decision, get the divorce, and don't expect to be considered unselfish- don't misunderstand me- I would get the divorce.

Answer 9

Let's start by qualifying by what you mean by brain damaged...

According to your statement, this individual is no longer capable of contributing to his/her own care and as a result is creating enormous stress and demands upon his/her family because of the resources required to care for them.

Another question is whether they REMEMBER their wife and children...and whether they have any chance of recovery in any shape or form.

Perhaps the best question is how the wife/husband who remains capable of supporting himself/herself would deal with the social ostracism that would occur by traditionalists...because the vows of marriage are as broad and generalized as it gets: "For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...till death do us part."

In a practical sense (no moral or ethical input), the man or woman who has no brain damage has the right to a life and freedom from the drudgery to care from someone who is no longer a provider or capable of giving the emotional and physical support needed in a relationship.

In a moral/ethical sense, the man or woman who has no brain damage has the right to his or her feelings, but the social contract of marriage is binding until death. No one said it would be fair, just, or reasonable for an unscathed partner to be the sole support of his/her brain damaged spouse (even including the sale of the family home to provide additional care for him/her), but that is what the societal contract of marriage would mandate.

I personally think that this is a circumstance where your friend must make the decision for his or her own reasons, regardless of everyone else's opinion. In the end, it is he/she that will have to live with it.

Answer 10

from a finacial aspect that might be the best thing to do..if no onger legally wed the brain damaged person would qualify for other aspects of aid,medicaire,medicaid etc and the spouce and children would not be in the process of loosing their home...yeah everyone is preaching the sickness and health part but if this happened to me i would hope my husband would be thinking clearly enough to divorce me for the sake of our child and her future

Answer 11

I don't know then what do the words "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health mean"? I guess it would have to be a judgement call on her part. She is the one that is going to have to live with the decision she makes for the rest of her life.