my husband and i fight ....ALOT!?

Question

I'm 23 and have been with my husband since 14. we broke up one year out of that, cause he was with my best friend. I forgave him but didnt forget. I have grown since then as well as him, but all we do is fight. It even got so bad he went to jail for spousal abuse. But i forgave him. now we fight about money,not seeing each other, and little petty stuff.also, i feel like he is not affectionate with me. He tells me to loose 10 pounds i loose 25 yet he still doenst seem to care he never compliments me and when i try to talk to him about it he rolls his eyes and says "i tell you, you have a nice *** dont I". I thought i loved him but the older i get i feel as if i am growing away and out of love. We've put the problems out on the table to work on. but is seems like nothing is changing. and now all i want is to leave . But we have two kids together. Im scared and just want him to love me more but he gets frustrated when i try to bring it up. ALL WE DO IS FIGHT? SHOULD I LEAVE? STAY?

Answer 1

Next time you want to have sex with him ask him to wear a pair of your panties. He might get into it. The next time maybe a nightgown. He may eventually settle down and have some fun with it and it might change his whole attitude.

Answer 2

My husband and I used to fight alot, too. We've been together for 10 years and for a while I didn't know if we could "fix it". First, you need to decide if you want to just give up or do you want to try to salvage your marraige. If you want to try to save it, talk to your husband openly and honestly about your concerns and get some couples counseling. Individual counseling would probably be good, too, considering your history. Part of your problem could be miscommunicaton. That was part of our problem. I am a very huggy type person and enterpret love by my husbands physical actions- how often he hugs or kisses me. He is the type of person that thinks just saying I love you is proof enough of his love. A counselor helped us see or differences and taught us how to communicate our feelings toward one another better. It has brought us a lot closer together and has really helped with our fighting.
Honestly, though, this is a decision you and your husband have to make. You both will have to work hard to change things. The first step is always the hardest but it is definately worth it.

Answer 3

Sounds like you want to do the right thing whatever that is....Why dont you go talk to a professional counselor or something before you leave.....Being together since you were so young..you have obviously been thru many trials together and you have 2 kids.....But love @ 14...15....16.....those are very immature ages where we are growing and learning in life....When you have gone thru all that with someone it does create a special bond....but I dont know if its alway "love" per se......Sometimes because you care about someone in a way that makes you concerned for their well being and not want to hurt them in any way....it could be mistaken for "being in love".....Usually when people fight over EVERYTHING....the fights are about the dynamics of the relationship or things that actually have nothing to do with the things that are being argued and fought about......Its about the **** we have pushed down and tried to forget but like a cancer it keeps wanting to surface and get out.....
Dont do anything with out seeking some real professional help first.....You owe it to your kids if not each other....

Answer 4

Amber I think you should leave I know it's easier said then done ... as people get older they change. Some people change for the better, some people change for the worse. If you and him aren't on the same page in regards to your life together and are constantly arguing; then maybe you should invest your time into becoming a better mom and better person (for You)....muster up the balls and leave him.... it doesn't seem like it's working out and don't feel bad... people separate all the time. Eventually you will meet someone who appreciates you 25 pounds lighter or 100 pounds heavier. You will meet someone who loves you and your children un-conditionally .... I guarantee it!

Answer 5

23, you are young. Very young. You've been together since you were 14.... there's alot of baggage and alot of growing to do. You have two children.

If you want your marriage to work, go to counseling. Are you Christian? Go to church. Get involved.

Let me tell you this. I've been there. I've been with my husband for 15 years. I was 20 when I met him and pregnant by 21. We stayed together through alot of BS exactly like you mentioned. It wasn't until I was 30 that we got our chit together. It was worth it for me. I only tell you this b/c you have kids and you did not mention physical abuse. If he's beating your ****, then it is not worth it. If it's just fighting.... well you have to make a decision on what YOU want.
What worked for us was just alot of growing up and church. But it's a process. It didn't get better overnight.
Start with counseling, start up in church, see what happens.

My advice to you is work on yourself first. It does take two to fight. Pick your battles and don't worry about being right or wrong for the battles that are not important and stand up for what is important (don't be a doormat).
Email me if you would like.

Answer 6

i think that you should start living for yourself and not to just make someone like him happy. Even if you dont have the courage to leave him satrt doing everything for yourself and your kids, i think kids suffer more seen their parents fight all the time than see them get a divorce. He hasnt been a good husband so why do you wanna give all your life to someone like that, marriage is hard but there has to be love and respect always. You could find someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, so next time u loose weight do it for you and not cause he told you your fat. Try going to conseling if he doenst want to is cause he doesnt care and its time for u to trow him out. Good luck!

Answer 7

Try explaining this to your minister or a marriage consuler.If you both can reslove this would be better than splitting up,but you need to seek these people for a detail advice.. Marriages are not always smooth sailing and each person has their own personality,but they have to address the issues seriously to save it.. Good luck and may God bless your efforts to resolve this issue and get back in the grove..Most marriages have some sort of problems ( 99% )..

Answer 8

amber that is the name of the girl that my boyfriend went on a trip with and her friend gennifer and since then we fight alot too, actually i dumped him uz i think he had an affair with one of them two. Now let's get to your point, does he abuse you in any way? if he doesn't then i don't think it's that bad but you're fights must be for a reason is it because you can't accept what he's done in the past? if so well the question to answer is ...can i truly forgive him and leave the past behind ...because it seems to me that you've got confidence issues about how you look to him and maybe you're feeling insecure because he's been with your friend and if she is lesser weight than you well you tend to compare yourself to her! right? anyhow good luck but you know down deep in your heart if you should quit or stay

Answer 9

It's hard now because you're married. When I was 18 I broke up with my bf. We had been dating for 3 years and it was really hard but I questioned all the abuse (not physical so much ...mainly verbal) and realized I could find someone A LOT better. This asshole doesn't deserve you...and if you're questioning it...then I say leave. Please leave..

Answer 10

Stay for what? It sounds like there is no love there and so there is no life there either. Fighting is not love. Joy and peace are love. Follow your heart. Do the kids live hearing fighting all the time?