My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years (lived together for almost 2). A few nights ago, I came home and could tell something was up. Eventually I got him to talk and he said (crying) that he no longer found me attractive. Ouch. What's worse is he was late for work and had to run out the door after saying that. I went out with a friend to keep my mind off of things, and when I came back home, I brought the conversation back to life, at which point he insisted he still loves me dearly but is no longer attracted to me... and that sex is not enjoyable for him anymore. Ouch again. He cried. I cried. And now, things are just weird. We both love eachother dearly, and we want to work it out, but I have no idea where to begin. How do I made myself more attractive? Should I even try? How do I recover my self-esteem after a blow like that? All kinds of questions! I'm so confused (and it doesn't help that it's FINALS week lol)
2006-12-14 14:00:45 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
WOW, first study for your finals but I think that if the 2 of you work together & you both really want it to work, it can.But are you sure that you're not selling yourself short? I don't think I could get over the hurtful things he said. Good luck & I hope it works out
2006-12-14 14:13:11 · answer #1 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lots of great answers on here already so i'll just add a few quick comments:
communication and understanding is important. try get him to determine why he is not attracted to you. is it physical? is it emotional? is it communication? is it other qualities? has he simply fallen out of love? are there other external factors in his life that would make love too complicated for him?
as far as sex. communication for sure.. talk and find out what's going wrong. maybe try some new things to add some excitement and passion back in your life.
quality time is important too. spend some time cuddling and holding each other and cry together and spill all your emotions and talk things thru.
i really hope you can work things out.. sounds like the love is still there but there are just some things that need to be worked out.
and try not to take anything personal. i can tell by the passion and emotions you've descrived in your question, that you are an awesome person.. if your bf can't sort things out, you're still amazing and you will get thru this and recover and be better than ever..
2006-12-14 14:23:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jeff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, do I feel for you... Been there done that, wore that t-shirt! My advise is to let him have his freedom because attraction is a very strong and defining thing in a relationship. He more then likely does still love you but in the "friend way" (god I hate that) now. It will hurt try and remain friends if you can because true friends are hard to find and if you've spend three years together then you probably know each other pretty well by now!?
Remember what you had in a positive way and try and move forward with your own life because you will love again I can promise you that (I am living proof).
2006-12-14 14:18:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can make it work. Have you tried doing different things in bed? Maybe its not so much not being attracted to you as being bored. Try spicing your relationship up. Do things that you normally wouldn't. Maybe make a nice dinner for him and then go cuddle watch a movie and try turning him on. You can't be the only one trying though it has to be the both of you. If he isn't trying then its not going to work. Best of luck
2006-12-14 14:10:41 · answer #4 · answered by person48653 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to think that the problem is all your fault and it may not be so. I don't know what the answers to your situation are..but just keep talking and loving each other...Maybe the sex issue has just become a bump in the road...don't let it block the whole highway...you can work this out with his help.
2006-12-14 14:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks, I can relate to that. I also discovered the guy I had also was in for sex. I was stupidly dreaming bout having a guy for the rest of my life, what can you do? Everything you both did, became his "Same-old-same-old thing" he got bored, yr relationship became repetitious. In the end I was angry over time wasted, but oh well, new years coming new guy. Good luck.
2006-12-14 14:39:36 · answer #6 · answered by zuegma1977 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, wish i could help, but the only thing i can think of is try to remember what it was that he found attractive about you before and try to be that same person again. as much as we don't like to think so, people change, maybe you just changed to much or to fast
2006-12-14 14:06:55 · answer #7 · answered by Ron N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but once someone has lost interest in you and no longer finds you attractive, it's over. Once they have stopped seeing you in that way they won't go back to how it was before.
2006-12-14 14:28:02 · answer #8 · answered by lavendergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man im sorry i wish i could help u try and take things slow.
2006-12-14 14:29:25 · answer #9 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe consider couple therapy... it can help!! It helped my uncle and his partner get back together after they separated...
2006-12-14 14:29:10 · answer #10 · answered by Alex J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋